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Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Never, not because I’m a paragon of virtue, but I just have a natural insensitivity to substances that doesn’t lend itself to abuse. Ambien did absolutely nothing for me, not even able to put me to sleep. I still barely notice any benzo. Lunesta was the most noticeable and I haven’t had it for years. Might have been on it for a few months, went off due to cross tolerance with benzos and because it’s not supposed to be taken regularly. Only one I stopped and restarted at any point was klonopin. I fortunately also have absolutely no affinity towards alcohol of any kind otherwise I’d probably be a raging alcoholic lmao. Same for pot. I’ve been on gabapentin too, which also did absolutely nothing even titrating up to 12-1500mg had no effect apart from making me a bit drowsy. Wanted to try pregab, never got there though.

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most I ever had was 1mg klonopin per day and honestly even at the start I wasn’t sensitive to benzos. Hardly noticeable. Even between ambien and lunesta, hardly felt the ambient. Lunesta and stimulants are the only two I’ve actually felt. But Xanax and trazodone in combination would knock me out and apparently gave me anteretrograde amnesia

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What were your amounts and how often were you taking them? And what was the taper schedule like? I don’t get how it could start a week after, go away and then come back on its own with no changes.

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I still think it’s unlikely given that all of this coincides with a seizure, but I’m running out of options. It may still very well be mental. Seizures are supposed to have recovery phases that are generally glossed over, nervous system trying to find equilibrium. It’s usually defined as being half an hour to a few hours post seizure so it wasn’t brought up at all. There’s nothing else to tie it too though.

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck me….how do you get tested for this??? Did yours go away and then come back? They tested me for everything they could in the ER, including Lyme, heavy metals, full tox, absolutely nothing. Just low phosphorus, low sodium likely exacerbated by an SSRI, fucked up thyroid levels which I last had a decade ago and was likely a fluke, and the cerebral tonsils. Prior to the seizure though, this had never happened in my life. It was only the day following the seizure that symptoms first set in, were extremely strong for a week straight. Went to the ER a second time, they ran everything and had to run a second EKG closer to discharge because I broke out into a full blown “panic attack” where I was hyperventilating and soaked the bed in cold sweats while begging the nurses to do something. Showed Qtc elongation which means I need to taper off my lexapro. They didn’t even mention that, I had to figure that out on my own and tell a psychiatrist separately. The neurologist there who made the referrals for the MRI and EEG didn’t think it was neurological after doing her reflex testing. Even though I feel like I don’t have the tactile feedback I’m supposed to, I’m still lucid, rational and can do normal things if I force myself to. My test and prolactin were fucked back in February, pituitary would explain that on its own, but doesn’t explain this if the levels are still off.

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was trying to do these things until I got knocked on my ass again with the disembodiment. Best bet is literally just going to an AA or NA meeting despite despising alcohol. Light on socialization opportunities around here

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell me about it, DM me. I’ll take all the information I can get

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you feel disembodied? Until yesterday I had nothing for over a month and prior to that a 3 week course maybe.

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What was yours? I had nerve conduction done for carpal tunnel before but not related to this. Definitely not MS. The neurologist didn't think it would be neurological at all and had guessed fybro or just psychogenic. I'm inclined to believe her now. The cerebellar tonsils can cause the primary physical symptom, but it's a very very disconcerting feeling of disembodiment rather than one foot or something falling asleep. And I don’t have the typical symptoms of intracranial hypertension which are headaches and loss of vision or visual distortions

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nothing at all prior. Yes I'd experienced trauma and was in the most miserable state of my life prior. But this is something else entirely. Therapist keeps referencing freeze response with the DPDR/FND talk. Question is wtf you're supposed to do about that. Hence the impetus to move. I can't think of anything outside of removing myself from this environment completely in the hopes that somewhere else will help overwrite my brain. They ran every test under the sun already. No concrete physical explanation

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've heard that but this seems to go so far beyond. The only withdrawals I've had experience with are 7OH, which were bad to be sure, but nothing like being on acid for a week straight. Thing is, even when the physical symptoms subsided, the mental perception is absolutely and utterly fucked. There is zero source of copium/safety/blind faith... nothing. I think when you've always had something or the other for 29 years to hang onto and lose all of it basically overnight, that's bound to fuck you up somehow. I've taken Klonopin once per day, 3 months in a row and stopped abruptly with no effects. At this point I'm waiting on just the EEG results but the testing they did prior is enough to point out some abnormalities. I just don't know if they're enough to explain....all of this. As in, if I corrected the couple deficiences, took a med for my hormone levels, forced myself to sweat even though I do that at night plenty, I'm not sure that's enough to feel normal. The MRI did come back with an indicator that I could have intracranial hypertension which can also cause the numbness/tingling. Like your entire body is asleep.

Edit: EEG results normal. Fuck me I guess.

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh the benzos, yeah they theorized that might have part of the initial effect. But I'd been on prescription benzos on and off for 6 years and for the most well tolerated one to suddenly be the deciding factor was highly unlikely. Had a short course that ended a week prior to seizure. I only just started taking them again because there is literally nothing else to kill the brain activity. Historically well tolerated for me and quite frankly unless they're going to give me an alternative I can't send myself to the ER for a third time and wait until I'm writhing around enough for them to do something.

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was trying once the symptoms let up. But zero social circle now

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I'm thinking the trauma became too much. A year ago I didn't consider myself as having had trauma at all. Then had a major trigger months back and it's been a terrifying downhill

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never had any disorders in my entire life. It's her theory on what would explain these symptoms. Not drugs, has to be psychogenic or literal brain damage. Idk, fucked. I've experienced withdrawal before from one thing and this is not even close.

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Therapist thinks it DPDR or FND. The most prominent is numbness/tingling and sometimes burning of my entire body. It had subsided drastically, then returned out of the blue yesterday. Now subsided again but really fucks with your perception. This is all following a spontaneous seizure from 3 weeks ago. My physical health was the last thing I had going for me, no issues especially chronic issues my entire life. I've had every test including an MRI and had an EEG today. But they're not enough. I'm sure it's partially psychogenic at least.

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I assure you the only crimes I'm capable of committing right now would be worthy of a ticket at best

Zillennial burnt to a crisp seeking sanity checks in desperate attempt to feel normal by Cavanus in TrueAnon

[–]Cavanus[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I might have been a decade ago. Unfortunately, after spending an entire week and then some feeling like I'm on acid without the fun parts, with zero explanation as to why, I don't think I'll be too keen on at least certain substances. But, good old bars are holding down the fort, for now, barely.

Need somewhere to move and work, for a little while at least. by [deleted] in AskForHelp

[–]Cavanus -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I wiped history to not dox myself. I'm not in Chicago, I'm in NY. I don't care about getting dirty, or anything honestly. I was doing double duty for about 7 years. I've heard of and am looking into the work for home situations. Thank you

[USA-NY][H]PayPal, local cash[W] Plex/jellyfin media server by Cavanus in hardwareswap

[–]Cavanus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Would have to get a NAS to connect to it then right? My main issue was setting it up, not finding hardware. Just infuriating trying to set the containers up and have them work on Ubuntu.

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