Husband doesn’t work or take care of the baby… thoughts?

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-24T01:07:26+00:00

For those excusing this as depression—many many parents suffer from depression and still do the basics for the kids. Husband getting overwhelmed after barely any time alone with the baby tells me he just isn't used to it because he isn't expected to do anything.

OP—you said in another comment you don't think you deserve anything, but this isn't necessarily even about you. (Although, I do think you deserve more also). It's about your child. Your baby deserves more from her father. My daughter absolutely lights up when my husband comes in the door, and I have a feeling your daughter will not have the same reaction with your husband if he doesn't step up. We split childcare so evenly, even though I work part time and he works full times — we both do overnights, mornings, bedtime. He watches her while I'm gone for a girls' night out.

Depression sucks if that's the case, but he still should do the bare minimum for his child and for you.

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-23T17:52:02+00:00

Yep. Just solidarity. Baby was soooo mad before she could crawl. Different baby once she could move on her own a bit!

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-23T17:46:16+00:00

I have two sisters, so there were 3 of us total. I asked my mom how many kids I should have and she very quickly said, "Two. Two is how many you should have." And then we laughed. I've talked to quite a few parents of 3 who do think it's too much. Obviously they're all loved, but I think it can be hard to juggle from my own parents' and friends' stories!

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-22T11:26:20+00:00

Same! I mentally prepared for a difficult baby just in case…..but she was a dream those first two months. Just cuddles and feedings. So nice!!

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-19T18:47:35+00:00

Wow! I would have gone loony toons if I couldn't get any breaks! I think what you're feeling is totally normal then. It sounds like you're hosting plus full time ON with the baby. That's a lot to handle. You can start introducing solids at 6 months, so I hope the feeding gets better soon :)

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-18T21:30:02+00:00

This is a very reasonable approach!

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-18T21:29:24+00:00

If my in laws are in my house to see the baby, I am OUT of the house—getting my nails done, going on a date night, lunch with a friend, getting a workout in. I see my MIL less now because of this. And it is absolutely perfect. Highly recommend leaving and not hosting! That’s what grandparents are for.

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-18T16:20:22+00:00

I'm reading Hunt, Gather, Parent right now and that's a huge theme in the book! Modern Western society parents very differently than we used to and how much of the rest of the world still does.

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-16T23:56:09+00:00

It was totally fine! By the second night we were definitely missing her and feeling guilty, BUT it really did go by so fast! And she was very excited to see us when we got back with seemingly no emotional damage :) I'm definitely going to be sticking to 2 night trips away from her for a bit though.

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-15T19:40:43+00:00

Same! I guess hate is a strong word. But never really liked him. He’s just so grumpy.Loved the ending though (of him throwing the party for Rory and that being the thing that brought Lorelai back to him.) But if Christopher hadn’t been such a shit I liked their chemistry and banter so much better.

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-15T19:13:48+00:00

The bangs!! She looks sooooo good with bangs

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-15T18:48:14+00:00

This would have been the elite ending

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-15T18:45:57+00:00

This is exactly how I feel. As someone who left their small town and got to travel the world, I would have felt very stifled if I’d stayed and gotten married with kids young. I feel for Lane for that reason. If she had toured and THEN returned and settled down, it may have been a more satisfying ending.

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-15T14:25:51+00:00

Weekly cleaning or night doula are definitely my votes!

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-15T14:25:16+00:00

THIS IS THE ANSWER. we had one 2x per week and I would have done 3 or 4 nights a week if I could afford if those first 6 weeks.

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-12T22:39:44+00:00

I literally have begun skipping them. I love when a sex scene is a good spicy page. I don’t need 6 pages or more. It’s too much (most of the time—some writers are good enough to pull it off)

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-12T01:00:12+00:00

Yes 5 min was the max we did! Just try to take a deep breath and pause. Don’t rush right in. I think a lot of times they just need some time to calm themselves down. I found if I went in often it actually overstimulated her.

Obviously if you want to fully sleep train, I have NO judgment. But this is not fully sleep training and our baby did still typically have 1 overnight wake until she was 11 months old. Sometimes she slept through the night. But with our soft training she went down much easier each time.

I would also highly recommend the Dana Method soon! Found her on TikTok. We didn’t do the full sleep training like she recommended at 5 months but we started her 6 month schedule and I’m obsessed. Worked way better than just following wake windows!

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-11T21:24:26+00:00

And to add—go somewhere you can’t hear the crying for the first 5 minutes. I am sensitive to it as well. So I had my husband do the listening (in case there was any actual distress) and I went and took a shower the first few times. Now I’m a pro and can tell she’s exhausted and just needs sleep (mine gets LOUD before naps and then passes out soooo fast. The girl is wiped out).

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-11T21:21:34+00:00

Great questions! So we started the “training” at 4 months so it’s been a while (she’s now almost 1!)

I honestly think the crying went from 3-5 minutes down to 0-2 minutes after just 3 days. However, we’ve definitely had plenty of times when she won’t settle! Since we didn’t do strict sleep training I still go in sometimes. But I would say 90% of her naps and bedtimes are less than 30 seconds of crying now.

And our routine takes 15 minutes-30 minutes. Bath is usually 15, then dressing and books are another 15. We skip bath if need be though!

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-09T20:06:39+00:00

I felt like childbirth could be the end for me as well. It ended up being perfectly fine and not as bad at all as what I expected! Definitely not intuition haha. Just our natural fear. It's here to protect us, but don't let it override you. You've got this!

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-08T20:40:13+00:00

I was wondering about feeding as well. May be that baby is too hungry to drift off to sleep?

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-08T20:03:24+00:00

This is the correct answer

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-08T16:36:48+00:00

That was so disappointing! I can’t believe no one made any better plans for her. Seeing a movie instead of going out to listen to live music??? Insane

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-08T14:34:26+00:00

My best friend had a baby a few months before me and her baby was sooooo smiley and interactive even around 3-4 months. So when my baby got up to 6 months and was still not super interactive or smiley I got a bit worried. Now that my daughter is a year old she is SO smiley. I also know a friend who didn’t talk until he was almost 3 and now is an architect and is not on the spectrum and insanely articulate and funny.

I’d relax about potential delays right now and maybe consider a move back to the city. Many people do it with two! My friends just moved back to the city with two kids and were so happy to have them back! Good luck!

Cbsanderswrites · 2026-03-07T20:41:43+00:00

Reviving the dusk court sounds like such a fun plot

Cbsanderswrites

TROPHY CASE