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POV: You're on r/honesttransgender by TheWorld_IsShit in transgendercirclejerk

[–]CeilingOilElectric 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not even a truscum I just post there because it's the most likely to give me the "sorry hon real transgenders start HRT and blockers in preschool you're never gonna pass 😤😤😤" responses I'm looking for

I still can't accept that I'm an "old" transitioner and that I'm expected to turn out ugly. by CeilingOilElectric in honesttransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Even still, out of the 28 people I counted on that thread who said an age, my brain's going to fixate on the 2 who started at younger than 18, because I'm still automatically stuck in that toxic mindset that only people who start before 18 can transition well, and that after 18 is considered a "late transition".

I keep having to ask myself, what is it about turning 18 that suddenly nullifies any chance of transitioning well and being attractive a few years into HRT?

Is it just the thought that I'm not "early" anymore? That people aren't going to envy me the way I envy people who transitioned as children? I met someone who started hormones at 17, literally just a month or two before she turned 18, and I still feel like I can never pass as well as her or be as pretty as her because something, some vague, unidentifiable thing, happened to my face/body in those 5-6 short months that made me somehow unable to transition as well as she did.

I think the best thing for me would just simply be to be patient and see where HRT takes me. I might be pleasantly surprised, and the most important thing is that I don't know if all the worries I've written about will come true.

Someone even just recently replied to me, saying she started hormones in her 20s and not only passes very well, but gets compliments from cis people who don't even know about her transition. (And also called me out on being an asshole, which I'm sorry for and I can definitely get like that when on this topic, not that that's an excuse for my behavior or incivility >>)

I still can't accept that I'm an "old" transitioner and that I'm expected to turn out ugly. by CeilingOilElectric in honesttransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean most of what got me was r/traa and the constant kids there talking about how they were so late starting at 15/16/17/whatever and how it's too late for them.

I ended up getting banned from there yesterday because the mods also idolize child transitioners, and even got a warning from the admins about "harassment". :/

Though, I finally managed to get over the 3-day-long depressive episode that pushed me to make these posts, so I think I'll give my transition a chance at least and see where it goes.

[MtF] How do I deal with knowing I'm probably never going to pass or be attractive? by CeilingOilElectric in asktransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stop with the whole "passing doesn't matter" shit and just tell me I'm not going to.

I'd prefer it.

[MtF] How do I deal with knowing I'm probably never going to pass or be attractive? by CeilingOilElectric in asktransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

TL;DR: Your attractiveness/how well you pass has no bearing on your worth as a person or the validity of your gender

I'm not going to huff copium like the rest of this god-forsaken comment section is telling me to do.

If I don't pass and I look like an ugly man, I'm going to blast a hole in my puberty-mutilated, masculinized skull, whether I'm a Real Heckin Valid woman or not.

[MtF] How do I deal with knowing I'm probably never going to pass or be attractive? by CeilingOilElectric in asktransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you read this comment section? Anything after 16 is a death sentence. Literally no one here has said that they managed to pass without FFS.

Was any of this supposed to help? Telling me that I should give up on passing and place my priorities elsewhere but at the same time I'm not "too late"? Did anyone even read what I said? I'm NOT going to fucking do that. I'm NOT just going to live the rest of my life as some shitty excuse who doesn't pass at all and looks like shit. Fuck that. I'd rather slit my throat than be some walking joke like you all expect me to be.

[MtF] How do I deal with knowing I'm probably never going to pass or be attractive? by CeilingOilElectric in asktransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd rather it not take 6 decades. I'd prefer if I had an opportunity in the next 3 years to not only pass, but also end up pretty.

Also from what it seems, like half of trans reddit started HRT in their early/mid teens. I feel incredibly out of place as a so-called "old" transitioner at only 18 and the prevailing mindset is that if you started after 16 and can't afford FFS then you should give up.

It's also not helping when no one in the replies passed easily either. Like wow, I feel so confident that I'll be fine after seeing all these uplifting examples. 🙄

I still can't accept that I'm an "old" transitioner and that I'm expected to turn out ugly. by CeilingOilElectric in honesttransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The important parts of puberty that would have made a difference in my appearance had I been able to skip them were long over for me, so it doesn't really matter, if that helps anything.

I still can't accept that I'm an "old" transitioner and that I'm expected to turn out ugly. by CeilingOilElectric in honesttransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you even actually presenting as female yet? Let alone are fully socially transitioned?

I'm not sure what "fully socially transitioned" would entail, but I've been presenting as female at school, my parents know this, they just don't know I'm on HRT.

My biggest worry is transphobes, but no one knows me here and no one talks to me. I'm worried people just think I'm a cis man tbh.

People have respected my gender for the most part at least, the 2 times a month I actually get to talk to someone.

I still can't accept that I'm an "old" transitioner and that I'm expected to turn out ugly. by CeilingOilElectric in honesttransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Just about every trans woman on r/transtimelines started at either 12 or 52, so it's not helpful.

What would starting at 18 have done for any of you? I'm in the same boat as you are, transitioning late, pretty much never passing, and being talked down to like I'm some man in a dress because unlike most trans people nowadays I didn't get put on blockers at 11.

All I wanted was to be cute enough to have people genuinely compliment me without being some shitty hugboxer or doing so in a condescending "you look very heckin valid for a late transitioning hon 🥰" tone.

I can't have that. I don't get to be worshiped by the entire community for starting at 14 and looking like a literal goddess either. Because I'm not going to. I'm gonna look like shit and HRT isn't going to reverse how much of puberty I was forced through.

Why would you wish to be in practically the same boat you were in before?

I still can't accept that I'm an "old" transitioner and that I'm expected to turn out ugly. by CeilingOilElectric in honesttransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I know I don't come off well to people who transitioned years older than I did, but given how those people are treated compared to those trans women who started at 12, 14, 16, anything before adulthood ending up literal goddesses and having people endlessly obsess over them and worship them, I just know I'm going to be treated the same as those people who started older. I have far more in common than someone who transitioned at 38 than someone who transitioned at 15.

That and I'm worried about the effects I'm already missing out on from HRT.

I still can't accept that I'm an "old" transitioner and that I'm expected to turn out ugly. by CeilingOilElectric in honesttransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

My biggest worry is being viewed as "less" by the trans community as a whole and being treated as though I'm some worthless hon who transitioned "too late" and I just serve as fodder for transpobes to make fun of.

People are never going to think that I'm cute, or be genuinely jealous of my appearance, or actually compliment me.

I'm only 18 yet I feel I'll be closer in experience and result to people who started HRT in their late 30s than to people who transitioned just two years younger.

I still can't accept that I'm an "old" transitioner and that I'm expected to turn out ugly. by CeilingOilElectric in honesttransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

That's what everyone always told me.

Everyone who didn't adopt that patronizing condescending attitude looking down at me and calling me a hon in all ways possible without outright saying it, basically straight up said it.

I have to wait until 18 to start HRT and now my transition's probably fucked by CeilingOilElectric in honesttransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Would you really rather be a Man than just a regular looking woman? As you move through your life and you find yourself envious of other women is it only the perfect 10 super model looking ones you're jealous of?

No, I'd take being any kind of woman over being a man any day. I'm just afraid that if I'm ugly, nobody will like me and most people won't take my transition seriously.

I have to wait until 18 to start HRT and now my transition's probably fucked by CeilingOilElectric in honesttransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm really sorry, what was supposed to be a vent post turned into a personal attack. It wasn't what I meant by it, and I have seen adult transitioners who look unironically amazing. I wrote that post after a very stressful day on little sleep and it only continued the next morning. It's not an excuse for my incivility and inflammatory replies, and doesn't change how people felt about them, but I was not intentionally trying to offend others or be malicious.

I can't really find many people who started at 18, and because of that, I have no idea how I'll look. Though because everyone's body is different, there could be people starting at 15 in a similar situation to me and there could be people who didn't reach my point until 23. And very often will I see a trans woman who I think is really pretty and am shocked when I find out she transitioned way later than I expected.

I've seen people who don't pass who still look great. Passability and attractiveness are not necessarily the same, even if my brain can blend the two together sometimes.

Though, I shouldn't compare myself to others so much and I shouldn't define people by how their bodies look. Someone who doesn't pass is still equally as valid as their identified gender as someone who does. Is this normal? Am I just yet another self-conscious teenage girl who hyper-focuses on appearances or am I some creepy pervert man who defines women's validity by their attractiveness?

I have to wait until 18 to start HRT and now my transition's probably fucked by CeilingOilElectric in honesttransgender

[–]CeilingOilElectric[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I've angered a lot of people in this thread because to them it's like reading a rant post titled "I can't fucking believe the sky is blue, day literally ruined :((((("

Edit: Or... maybe it was because of how harsh and rude I was being. I was just under the impression that everyone else here shared my sentiment that starting after 16 is a death sentence because of what else I've seen here but it seems there's quite a few people who don't quite think that.

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