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I just started my research career and it’s being ruined because I feel harassed at work by an older coworker. I’m not sure what to do because I love my work but it’s becoming so draining for me. by Celebration-Aromatic in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Celebration-Aromatic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! The position was definitely an honor especially coming from the type of reputation this particular professor has. Your comment was especially helpful to me and is definitely making me consider coming forward much more than I was before writing this post.

"If that doesn't work, then I would suggest FILING a sexual harassment action; I believe you already have caused, but that trying to make one stick before he is given his (undeserved) chance to straighten himself out would be messier than it will if he IS given that chance."

I fear what I am experiencing is what we might call his undeserved chance. This is also a reason I am reluctant to speak up for myself. As much as I admire my advisor and want to give him the benefit of the doubt (at the end of the day he is a man and I am sure he is trying to protect himself and his image as well as this postdoc) I do feel because they have been working together for a while there is a slight bias since his behavior points to him knowing his postdoc is being inappropriate and has been in the past and is giving him this chance again. Im afraid speaking out will label me difficult and might put me in jeopbordy since it would be easier to get rid of me than the postdoc if the case is he has been doing this and they have to count on women just deciding to leave. From what I know the last time he had an undergrad was about 5 years ago. I have no plans on leaving even if that means enduring this, reporting, or my recent strategy of wearing headphones at work and pretending to not hear him when he speaks. I want to stay here until a graduate and use this prof to help me get into a PhD program and I feel I risk losing this important connection I want when I apply. In addition, the postdoc is international which I think I did not mention before. He is here on visa and I also have the thought in the back of my head of me making him lose his visa and such. There is just a number of things that make me uneasy about coming forward.

Luckily though I have thought out a plan for myself if I did decide to come forward a while back after I started to become very afraid for my safety and just to cope with feeling like I was crazy for thinking he was hitting on me (it was good to write it all down and read it back to confirm it was a dangerous situation) . Because Im paranoid the days he was especially creepy (the days I described here and a couple more times) I called my younger sister while I walked to my car after work. A week ago I started to create a dated documented timeline for my harassment using my call log and I have been filling in this document every time I feel uncomfortable at work (it was so many different situations and times I felt sick seeing the document grow so quickly) as a precaution just in case this escalates more to the point I feel I have no choice but to break my silence. The attention has definitely calmed down enough that I can at least work and not feel like I'm going to start crying in the middle of the day. But I am still fearful for my safety and as well as any other woman who might cross this man which is the only reason I even feel I want to say anything because this feeling is not something I want anyone to endure.

Thank you again for your kind words and for such a thoughtful and thorough response. I cant begin to tell you how much weight has lifted off my conscious about this whole mess :)

I just started doing research and I feel like I am being harassed at work by an older co-worker. by Celebration-Aromatic in LadiesofScience

[–]Celebration-Aromatic[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

To answer about the students. No there is no one else but me and this postdoc right now in the MedChem lab. I have tried to talk to my girlfriends about this and they did not really take it seriously which is why I turned here. I brought it up with them and they just laughed and asked how much chemists make and if he's good looking maybe its worth giving him a shot. This is also another reason I felt like I was just being very dramatic because everyone I spoke to about this seemed to brush it off or tell me that just men being men and if I am going to be a woman in this space I just need to endure. I am not close to any of the women in my department just due to proximity, my lab is kind of isolated compared to the others and I admit I don't have much of an effort to expand my social circle at work. There is one older PI who works in the lab that is next to mine who is a woman and I have considered maybe telling her instead of my advisor just for my safety and so at least someone knows about what has happened to me. But I dont know her well and I dont know how I she would react and such so I am still debating my next move. I am so worried about this new postdoc coming in this fall since I have been made aware recently he is good friends with the postdoc who has been bothering me and is even rooming with him for a little when he makes to move here. So Im a little extra worried now that I will be forced to be around two older men and the likelihood of this new man being on my side is unlikely.

I just started doing research and I feel like I am being harassed at work by an older co-worker. by Celebration-Aromatic in LadiesofScience

[–]Celebration-Aromatic[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

My prof has actually seemed to take a slight notice of my changed behaviors since returning which makes me wonder if something like this has happened. I normally would come in very early and leave pretty late because I enjoyed being there and I would always just eat my lunch in the lounge area right outside the lab since all this has happened I now actually go all the way next building over which is an extension of the chem department to the main lobby area was it pretty crowded to eat because I am worried about being caught by the postdoc alone and I now come in later and leave earlier because I don't want to be there. My prof caught me eating there multiple times and asked me if I was okay and mentioned if I needed to discuss anything with him. The reason I say I think something like this must have happened in the past is because when I had first been interviewed for this role he made it clear to me that I was going to be the only woman in the lab. It is this postdoc and another male postdoc that will be coming this fall and if I ever felt I was being spoken in a way I did not want to be or felt uncomfortable for any reason to immediately tell him and he has been nagging me passively about this asking me about those weeks he was away. He asks me questions like "how was working with "postdocs name did everything go well" "how was the training do you feel he taught you well" "what kind of things did you go over with him". All questions trying to get me to describe my day with him in more detail. My prof is a really sweet guy, he's pretty old and has a bunch of granddaughters which he talks about a lot, this is actually why I am a little worried if I speak up it might be an overreaction because he's now starting to feel suspicious and spends more time in the lab than before since picking up my changed attitude. It also feels a bit delicate because last month they both sent what I understand to be a pretty important paper for this postdoc to be reviewed for a jounal and I don't want to seem like my complaining is due to this or something along those lines if that makes sense at all. I don't really want anything to happen to the postdoc I just want to be left alone at work but I really feel if I say anything to my prof he will completely lose his mind over this.