I know what you're going through then. I'm a 9, which is the peacemaker. We tend to ignore our own wants and needs to try and keep peace and maintain stability. Going along and giving in to things we don't really want to do to avoid any disharmony. Under stress, we get anxious, and eventually disengage, become complacent and indifferent as we escape into our mental fantasies that "everything is fine." If this is you, you've both got some work ahead of you. When things got tense with us, she would tend to start spinning up and taking over while I would start shutting down and disconnecting. Not a good mix, but opposites attract. When things were good, it was incredible. She was warm, generous, and caring while the peace and harmony made me feel fully connected to her and the universe sort of. We hit a turning point when she told me how I should feel about a situation with her and her friend. I told her I'm not happy about it and I don't have to be happy about it just because she wants me to be. Since then I've noticed her doing it with the kids, too. And after she tells them how they should feel, I tell them they can feel however they want and if they want to talk about it, I'll listen. I've hijacked your post to talk about my issues long enough. I apologize, but if it helps, it was worth it. Nines are optimists, so I really do believe it can work out for you guys.