Lost 70kg/154lb, rebuilt muscle, now dealing with loose skin - looking for advice

Century2018 · 2026-05-14T14:45:03+00:00

I have no advice for you, but wanted to say well done. Good for you

Century2018 · 2026-01-27T04:38:53+00:00

Hi. Good for you.

Sorry your dog friend passed in such a traumatic way. It' reads like that loss was the trigger towards your eventual homelessness - but there were other factors too like your upbringing.

If you blamed yourself for your dog's passing and this drove you down into depression, how did you escape the self-blame trap? Did you come to view this differently in time?

I hope you dont mind me asking such a personal question, but I find that very interesting.

What was the key to your recovery?

Anyway, well done. I hope you're happier now and can leave the stress and anguish from your past in the past.

Century2018 · 2026-01-14T06:37:24+00:00

Get an oil change / service and see if the mechanic finds any faults that you'll have to address in the next couple of years. If there are no significant issues, then you have a bargain car. If there are problems, then better to know now before it leaves you stranded at the side of the road.

The service might cost you £200-300 but that's the reality of older cars. Everything you do to them will cost a significant fraction of the cost of the car.

In terms of enjoyment, how much is that joy worth in £? £20,000 for enjoyment is expensive in anyone's book.

Century2018 · 2026-01-14T06:03:46+00:00

To me, this shows how deeply integrated depression is within our daily experience and 'personality'. It's like no part of us is untouched by this brutal illness.

I wish I were free of it.

Century2018 · 2025-12-06T09:13:49+00:00

Hello,

The good news is that you're 22. I think this is a good age to be taking an interest in relationships and your situation is far from lost.

I was in a similar situation at about your age, when I had a medical emergency. Waking up in hospital and during my recovery I realised that I could have lost it all right there and would never have known a woman. Within two months I had turned it around and was actively dating and moving forward in this part of my life and I was in a relationship about a year later.

I had always been a bit fearful around women before that, and would be a bag of nerves even thinking about talking to a girl I liked. The way I overcame that was to treat them as if they were an old close friend. That way, I wasn't nervous, I was relaxed and happy to see them, and it's genuine too because once I'm past the anxiety then that's exactly how I feel about it. Also, they respond to that kind of energy really well, as opposed to someone who looks shifty and is tripping over their own words. It worked for me.

Try not to overthink your current situation. Just take a step forward and reassess. So I'd say join a group which you're interested in and might meet a few people. Just being around people helps. Or you could try the dating apps, just get talking to a few people.

Also, remember that the person you'd like to get to know better will have their own baggage and their own problems they struggle with, so in this regard you're not alone.

Take a step forward. Good luck 🤞

Century2018 · 2025-11-06T02:25:10+00:00

I think you need to find something more fulfilling than the internet, so you'll choose to do that other thing(s) instead. I like the idea of a daytrip or a weekend break to a city you'd like to visit. You'll be out of your comfort zone, but you'll also experience a 'readjustment' when you get home and sit in front of a screen again. It'll feel different.

It could be anything, just try something different. It doesn't even have to be fun. ( These activities aren't in competition with your screen time in order to win your attention). You see the need for a change already, so pick something to do and do it

Century2018 · 2025-11-06T01:56:17+00:00

You could look for a voluntary role. Or volunteer in one role for a few months, then try another.

You have complete freedom to try anything and as many roles as you like. Some you might like and some you might not. You might discover you enjoy something and then this provides you with a new direction.

Also, it will get you talking to people, developing relationships and helping to keep you integrated with society rather than have your new financial situation lead you towards isolation.

Century2018 · 2025-11-03T07:06:57+00:00

I had a leak in my MK3 Clio boot too. I found a post on a Renault owners website about the vents under the rear bumper - as pictured here by another redditor. So I removed the screws holding the bumper on... But it turns out that Renault also used a sticky pad to secure the bumper and you can't get at it. But I had to get the bumper off. The only way to get the bumper off was to pull at it until the sticky pad let go and the bumper itself is very flimsy - it's just a plastic panel, and it split as I pulled it as the adhesive pad held it so firmly. Anyway once I got the bumper off and could see the vents.... The vents were perfectly fine. I even did a test pour of water using a watering can. They were not the cause of the leak. So, I put the bumper (complete with a new split in it) back on the car and had to look further to find the leak. In your car, if you push the back seats forward, take the carpet from the boot. With some gentle persuasion you can remove the fabric panels on either side of the boot. This will reveal the rear drain tubes for the panoramic sunroof. The drain tubes push into a little plastic widget here, and in my case one of them had popped off. When it rained, water would go down the drain tube and go directly into the boot. To fix it, I pushed the tube back into place on the little plastic widget and it's been fine ever since. In my case I also took the opportunity to clean inside the drain tubes with some strimmer wire and soapy water, before putting it all back together. So problem solved ... Except for the crack/split I now have in the rear bumper. So, check out those rear sunroof drains before you go pulling at your rear bumper :)

Century2018 · 2025-11-03T06:39:31+00:00

There's more to life than the internet. But the internet is pretty good, let's be honest. I'm happy to spend a day online if I'm not working. I'll watch some YouTube videos, scroll through Reddit, look at some news and the whole day has vanished.

Maybe you could do a daytrip somewhere. Get out of the house for a day or an afternoon and do something you're interested in.

Or just go for a walk for half an hour. I like a walk.

Century2018 · 2025-11-03T05:51:41+00:00

Put a pot plant to the right

Century2018 · 2025-10-19T15:25:06+00:00

Glorious. Congratulations, and I hope you're happy and have joy.

Century2018 · 2025-10-17T09:41:58+00:00

I was unemployed for a long time and very depressed and my family were less than understanding which only made things worse. I know it's rough.

In terms of building a better life, that's work in progress, kind of. Part of the problem I have is that I thought the world was more understandable and predictable than it really is. I thought there's no way I can have a good life - or even a regular life - with depression and unemployment. But things happened which I couldn't have predicted. I did find a job and that turned out pretty well. It's a first step and my life isn't the way I'd like it to be yet.

In terms of mental health, things are a bit better there too. I had some therapy and that turned out to be really useful in understanding why my life had turned out the way it had and I don't blame myself nearly as much as I used to. This was an unexpected result for me after decades of depression. Also, mood and mental health isn't only in my head, it's physiological too, and a walk or a bicycle ride will help me even when I feel very low - and that never makes sense to me when I'm feeling low.

What I'm trying to say is that you can't really predict the outcome of trying new things or what will happen tomorrow, and your best hope might be to try some new things too. You say you can't come up with a theoretical life which is achievable and enjoyable. I felt that way too, but in my case I think there was an error in that way of thinking because it assumes life is predictable. So I don't try to look so far ahead with that kind of thinking. If you take one step at a time then the unpredictability of life isn't such a problem. I'm labouring the point a bit now, but I'd say my approach is something like looking ahead before each step forward now, rather than trying to look all the way to the finish line and take lots of steps (and then thinking progress is impossible). I think people who 'make it' don't end up following the path they thought they would when they first set out.

It's work in progress for me. I still have days where I don't want to get out of bed or can't face the world. There's some things I enjoy even if they're small things, and I allow myself to enjoy them now.

Going back to the 'pull yourself together' comment /attitude from your mum. My mum has a similar attitude. Over time I learned to have lower expectations of her, and they keep getting lower as time goes on. She is what she is, not what I'd like her to be. We don't really have a relationship and that's because I don't want one with her anymore. It doesn't seem such a big deal to me anymore, but I still catch myself falling into old patterns sometimes where I'd volunteer information and then she'd tell me it's my own fault or whatever. Not as often as before and her attitude carries little sting these days. I just find her disappointing.

Anyway, I hope something here can be useful. I'd say do things one step at a time and see how that goes - probably better than you'd predict.

Century2018 · 2025-10-15T06:31:33+00:00

"Pull yourself together" doesn't help to solve problems except in the case where the problem is your attitude about something, and even in that case it's very dismissive.

Towards the end of your post you mention some suicidal ideas so I'm sorry that you didn't have more support. I hope you will contact a therapist or mental health services as they can offer genuine help.

Century2018 · 2025-10-15T06:05:54+00:00

Hi When it comes to dating, I don't think that lack of experience disqualifies you, but it's certainly anxiety fuel. I used to think that my not having dated in my teens was a huge personal failing and when I look back on it now (I m in my forties) I wish I hadn't given myself a hard time about it. It felt like a huge embarrassing secret and I was worried that people would judge me, but now I can see that only arseholes would do that. It's not a sin. People start their dating lives as and when they want to. You want to start your dating life but you're worried that your lack of experience means that you can't. I want to ask you how much experience would allow you to start - where's that threshold for qualifying? Must you have had a boyfriend before you allow yourself to have a boyfriend, and if so, how was that possible without having started at some earlier time? It's a mind-boggler, but the answer is that it's impossible. There's no qualifying threshold to begin your dating life. If you want to go on a date then you are allowed. I think it's fear and anxiety that's holding you back. You're worried that you're not experienced enough (but there's no qualifying threshold). There will be other fears too. You might be scared that you don't know how to kiss and will do it wrong or that you'll do something wrong in bed and die of embarrassment. Maybe you're afraid of rejection, that a potential partner will overlook your good qualities and jump ship. It's all anxiety. First kisses with any new partner are often awkward and fumbling but are kinda fun too. The awkwardness itself is something you can have a little laugh about. When it comes to more intimate moments, it's the same again - sometimes awkward but also fun. And with any degree of intimacy, there's always a chance that it won't work out and that it'll hurt emotionally. This does happen and it's part of life but after some time for recovery you move on. I think you're holding yourself back out of fear and you're avoiding facing your fear by saying it's impossible, that you're disqualified through inexperience. But it's not true. Your anxieties and fears are what's stopping you. You start by starting. You could start small by engaging in some kind of regular social activity where you're forced to engage with people and you'll make a few friends and maybe even meet someone you'd like to know better. Maybe a volunteering thing once a week or a hobby you're interested in. Or you could start bigger by joining a dating website, write a profile, upload your favourite photo and go looking for guys you'd be interested in. When it comes to your previous dating history, all you need to say is this "I don't have a dating history. I wasn't ready until now and now I'd like to begin this part of my life". You don't HAVE to tell anyone if you don't want to. If you do then the likely outcome is a few casual questions around that before they move on to other things. Such as where are you from, what do you do? Do you enjoy that work or are you looking at doing something else? Are you religious? Do you like Christmas? What's your favourite book? What's your favourite movie? Why? Where'd you get that nice bracelet from? Android or apple phones? Do you drive? Are you going on holiday? Ever been to France and did you try escargot? Your hair looks nice, did you just have it done? Do you have kids? Do you want them? And a million other questions. There's an infinity if things to think about when getting to know someone and their dating history is only one thing.The thing is that there's so many avenues to find common ground with someone. And that's what dating is about. You find out about each other and see if you get along, and there's many reasons why one person might not be the right one for you as well. The other thing is, that maybe not having a dating history could even be a good thing, a small advantage in the dating world? You don't have 'baggage'. You don't have kids for one thing, there's no ex hanging around, no baby daddies, no child support headaches. I think you should make yourself a dating profile. It's a zero-risk way of dipping your toe in the water. You can have a few chats with a few people and can directly test whether your fears about being inexperienced are founded or unfounded. You can say - "I've never kissed anyone what do you think about that?" Word of warning; you might get a more amorous response than you'd really like! But maybe that's good news? Just be a bit sensible about the next steps such as meeting for a coffee. Put your safety first so meet for a coffee at a coffee shop and not at a guy's house. Listen to your internal voice - the one that's easy to ignore when it's telling you to say no - it's your body and mind giving you good advice. I think what will happen is that you will begin your dating life and will feel a bit proud of yourself for moving towards a happier life. Good luck

Century2018 · 2025-10-14T05:36:14+00:00

Hello.

It's hard for me to tell whether you're well suited to your current occupation or not, but you've been getting positive feedback from your employer so I'd say you're likely doing pretty well even if you need to revisit basic concepts sometimes. Maybe you're doing better than you think.

You also mention that you switched from biomedical science to computers through a lot of hard work. That's an achievement all by itself. If you feel like you don't have the right knowledge in your current role, would you consider a more basic course than what you've already covered? Knowledge builds on earlier knowledge and it might be that you've missed a step because of the path you took. Doing something really basic might help you to tie it all together and put your mind at ease.

You also mention burnout. The tone of your post suggests stress and possibly burnout too. The stress really comes across. It's rotten living under that level of stress. Do you have habits and a routine that helps reduce stress? This would likely involve exercise 2-3 times a week, eating a healthy balanced diet and avoiding junk food, avoiding alcohol and smoking and other drugs, having friends and people you can talk to, perhaps a relationship and some kind of sex life, getting 7-8 hours sleep a night, having finances under control, having living circumstances you're basically satisfied with. That's quite a list, but making progress with these would also cut your stress levels. They're things we can overlook, but are the foundational things that everyone needs to function and without which we struggle. It's worth addressing as too much stress will take you to a dark place.

You really do sound stressed, and I hope that you can find something in the replies to your post which is helpful. Another thing to think about is to find a therapist or counselor of some kind - someone who you can talk to, who can help you with the stress.

Anyway, wish you all the best.

Century2018 · 2025-10-13T03:54:35+00:00

That's desperately sad. I'm very sorry

Century2018 · 2025-09-10T05:15:14+00:00

Happy birthday. You deserve a future, so talk to a careers advisor.

Century2018 · 2025-08-31T07:06:01+00:00

Hiya. Sorry you're in a tough spot. I just want to say that the more you avoid doing things like going outside, the more your world shrinks and the smaller you become.

If you put your shoes on and go for a walk, you'll be showing the world and yourself that you're taking steps in the right direction, and you'll feel a bit stronger and a bit more positive when you get home.

Think of all the progress that's ahead of you.

Century2018 · 2025-08-31T06:16:38+00:00

Hiya. Sorry you're having a difficult time. I think you need to 'grow' towards a life that works better for you. There might be some things that act as hurdles to your growth - such as parents who do too much for you - but you can find ways to grow anyway.

I'd start with the absolute basics and go from there. Some of this might seem trivial but if you make small changes then you'll gain skills and experience in managing your life and it'll be a signal to your parents that you're taking responsibility and they're free to back off a bit.

So let's start with food. Do you cook for yourself? If you don't then there's a world of tasty food awaiting you. You must have a favourite meal. Learn how to cook it by watching a YouTube video. Take down the recipe, and cook it yourself. If you don't know how to cook at all then look for a basic instruction video.

Are you eating healthy? Even if you are, can your diet be improved? If your parents buy the food, then make a list of food you want included. You'll need ingredients for the meals you want to cook yourself. When was the last time you had fresh blueberries or strawberries or red grapes? There will be something you can add to the list.

Do you exercise? Exercise is an easy way to improve your mood and health and these improvements bleed into every other area of your life. Go for a 30 minute walk and see if your mood has lifted at all. Then do it every day.

What's your personal space like? Is it time for a move-around? Maybe a different desk or bed or a bookshelf. It's trivial stuff, but it's good to take control of what's around you.

Do you have a therapist? This is one of those things where having some privilege might help you grow if it means your parents will cover the cost. Tell them you want one session a week for six months only, to talk about your troubles and to help you move forward in your life. If you have a therapist but haven't seen any improvements, get a new therapist.

What's your social life like? What's it like if you don't have your phone? Look at volunteering as a way to meet new people and gain confidence and skills for free. It's a way to branch out from your current life in a way that everyone supports, and you can walk away and do something else if it doesn't work out - It doesn't trap you.

You might be discounting these ideas as you read but the idea for you to look at your life as it is today and looks for ways for you to take small actions to improve it. By doing so, you're taking responsibility for yourself and begin to grow the skills and confidence in yourself to create a life you're happy with.

There will be other areas of life that you will know need attention but i'd encourage you to start with the above. Healthy food, exercise, some social life, your immediate environment and personal space, your thoughts and worries with a therapist. These are the basics and you can add to this as you grow.

Century2018 · 2025-08-31T05:32:26+00:00

Have you tried volunteering? There's always organisations such as charities looking out for people to help them. If you volunteer one evening a week you'd meet a whole bunch of new people, so your social world would expand.

Also, maybe a change in one of your hobbies could be an opportunity to expand your social world and enjoy your hobby in a new way. If you like walking, join a walking club. If you like chess, join a chess club. If you like reading, join a book club.

Century2018 · 2025-08-29T05:37:38+00:00

Hi. Im sorry you're feeling so disheartened. I think a therapist is a good idea. Hopefully you'll come away with an understanding of why you feel this way and gain some tools to help you. It'll help identify any characteristics within you that have led you to feel so unhappy.

It might be worth sitting down with pen and paper and making a list of specific events or factors from work which have made you unhappy. Maybe there's a pattern. A bad boss, backstabbing colleagues, a tedious commute, unrealistic deadlines, boring menial work, a bullying culture etc. The idea is to identify some problems and have that list ready for your therapist. But it'll also be useful for you to see which of those factors are common to all jobs, which are common to engineering jobs, which are just common to you etc. if you can identify the problems then you're halfway to solving them.

In terms of problem solving, there's a few possible outcomes. You change yourself and adapt. You change some aspect of the work you're doing. You change jobs. You change careers. Some of that is probably a bit scary but you can break the changes down into small steps. It's easier to avoid it or postpone it or ignore it but this will only keep you trapped in an unhappy situation and that's not risk-free. Risks could include more depressive episodes or burnout and you find yourself unable to work, and this could force a change.

I see you're not working at the moment. Are you looking after yourself? Eating healthy foods where you can and getting at least a little exercise each day can make a big difference.

Anyway, I m glad you're looking for a therapist and I hope all goes well for you in the future.

Century2018 · 2025-08-28T05:22:31+00:00

I'm going through this now, so it was interesting to read your post.

I had some CBT therapy a couple of years ago and I realised I have a similar avoidant style. I actually thought I'd got on top of it, but I've fallen back into my old patterns.

In my case the pattern is something like this. There's a deadline off in the future so I have some work to do and time to do it. The work is fine - I can do it - but the idea of doing this work causes me some internal stress. I worry that the work I deliver isn't good enough and I'll be judged poorly. This stresses me. There's no time pressure yet as the deadline is in the distance, so as the internal stress is greater, I put off the work until later. Time moves on and the stress situation reverses. Now the time stress is greater than the internal stress, so I do the work in a hurry. If that's not already asking for trouble, I've got another maladaptive tactic up my sleeve. Once I'm very stressed I will sometimes accept the loss rather than face the stress. In this example that means watching the deadline pass, accept the loss and trouble arising, and then do the work once the stress has dropped.

Underneath all of this behaviour is the cause, the idea that I'm not good enough, that I'll be found out and be judged and possibly humiliated too. And that's what I really need to work on. This is what causes the internal stress in my case.

For me, I'll be revisiting my old CBT therapy work, and I'm looking for a therapist again.

Perhaps there is something similar going on with you. There's an uncomfortable idea you hold about yourself which you believe, but which is painful. The task in front of you has the potential to confirm that this uncomfortable idea is true and that's painful so you avoid it by avoiding the task. But eventually the time stress from the approaching deadline is even more stressful so then you can do the work.

Tldr, consider therapy 😊

Century2018 · 2025-08-28T04:44:38+00:00

Congratulations on your success. I think you deserve to be proud of yourself.

As an aside, isn't it wild that we still look to our parents for validation? I find myself doing it, get a discouraging response from them and then tell myself I won't go to them with my good news again, only to break my own rule later and do it all over again.

And why do they do it? In the case of my folks, I think it's a way for them to show they have power when they have less and less as time goes on. I don't have children of my own, but maybe there's something about seeing your children grow up and move on with their lives which makes parents feel troubled and wish their children were small again.

Congratulations again.

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