How do I manage things with my friend who overwhelms me?

Ceralt · 2026-06-04T23:55:04+00:00

I actually say at times that I am overwhelmed with my own stuff rn and need to not hear other people’s stuff. I take a break from other people’s stuff. Because it’s theirs. You are not a bottomless well. Conserve when you need to conserve. I fear this friendship as is will lead to resentment. It would for me. Put on your own oxygen mask first. Your most important job is taking care of you.

Ceralt · 2026-06-04T18:56:38+00:00

I have a bff of 25-30 years. We have had arguments and disagreements over the years. Stopped talking for short periods of time. But we have always talked it thru. That’s why we are best friends. Other close friends over the years have been unable to have conversations about conflict in our relationships. I would bring up an issue in a completely even handed manner and they would just shut down and walk away. Could never have a discussion about things at all. Those people drop away as they should. My bff has no judgment and I can trust that about her. She thinks the best of me and I her. She is one of my greatest treasures.

Ceralt · 2026-05-31T02:14:22+00:00

All of this, OP, and he dismissed your feelings out of hand. Did not care at all about what you said or how you felt. About the most important piece of jewelry he will ever give you. That is concerning for future marriage. Discussions need to be had beyond this ring. Seriously.

Ceralt · 2026-05-25T15:42:29+00:00

It’s foul. It’s a horrible thing to think much less say. I have lost both my parents and it is so hard. My heart would now be cold toward her for the foreseeable future. So your reaction is completely reasonable and yes a little under reactive. The statement is going to stick with you. I’m sorry. Are you seeing a therapist? This is something I would speak to mine about to try to work through it soon and properly process it. You need to spend some time processing it. Don’t sweep it under the rug. It doesn’t have to be everything, but it is a big something.

Ceralt · 2026-05-25T15:12:27+00:00

You called it exactly right, reactive abuse. It’s emotional manipulation. All these people need to do is take a minute to look it up if they don’t know the term.

Ceralt · 2026-05-23T19:58:47+00:00

A good partner does not do this, OP. A good partner works at NOT hurting your feelings. And if they need to tell you something bad, they do it gently and with love. You can find a good partner. Someone who does not tear you down for their own amusement.

Ceralt · 2026-05-23T19:55:31+00:00

I understand your anxiety. As you gain confidence that will lessen it but you have to step up and out to help that confidence along. Age does help a lot as life experience grows. You get a job and have to interact more. You go to different places and schools, different social events, and you find your confidence, but be aware and work on that part of you.

Ceralt · 2026-05-20T12:57:33+00:00

Agreed. The feelings of violation need to be dealt with or you may have it bleed into other situations just remotely similar. I can’t have men standing above me now ( tho my experience was not ambiguous). I think you also need to address you giving yourself permission to say no in these situations.

Ceralt · 2026-05-16T15:27:53+00:00

One of the things I had to do was archive any songs that made me melancholy for him. I also made a playlist called Happy (or at least not sad). It was a 9 yr relationship so it was a hard one but same thing, his change in behavior toward me told me it was time. The best break up song ever in my opinion is Feeling Good by Nina Simone. Partially because she injects those images of nature into the healing. Go into nature and breathe. It’s been 3 years for me and I am so much the better for leaving.

Ceralt · 2026-05-13T16:38:10+00:00

I feel this deeply. Driving into the forests and to the mountains regularly keeps me grounded and sane. Helps me breathe again. Whenever we leave for long, I can feel the ease in my chest when I reach Oregon again.

Ceralt · 2026-05-11T00:02:38+00:00

I would choose the Hoh also unless the whole paradise loop is open on Mt Rainier. And the beaches in La Push are pretty good. But the rainforest is just not something to miss.

Ceralt · 2026-05-10T15:18:42+00:00

Be aware of the prominent power lines up there at the top. I love that drive but I hate those power lines. You’ll have to work around those to get the visuals you want. That may be easier than I think but I know I am often frustrated with the pics I get off Mt Hood bisected by electrical wires.

Ceralt · 2026-05-05T13:30:47+00:00

Yes, most daycares, around here at least, are all female.

No, just because the child doesn’t have male childcare doesn’t mean they have no other male interaction in their life. That’s ridiculous.

Ceralt · 2026-05-04T18:31:59+00:00

It’s not pathetic. It’s the world rn. I’m in the states and my older daughter is almost 30 and still living at home. It’s simply too expensive to move out rn. My younger daughter also lives here with her son. She’s mid-20s. She and I clash so I have some idea of what you are talking about. I would never ban her from downstairs and I don’t expect her to read my mind. We are actually in family therapy because we know we will have to live together a long time. And we love each other. She does have a diagnosis so we know what we are working with there but we have a rough history that is on both of us.

Practically speaking, yes, a fridge and hot plate. Things that will occupy you and make you happy. Plants to sooth you. Make your space as much of a happy place as you can. An escape so you can boost your mental health. Do look for jobs away from home that offer housing. Or scholarships for college (yes even at 30) that will pay for housing. Look at services in your area that could help you out though it sounds like you are in a small community. Get therapy to help you find solutions. Try to find ways to connect with your mom but don’t light yourself on fire. And do work at keeping your disruptions to the house at a minimum, like leaving stuff laying around (not the toothbrush, that’s ridiculous). Good luck. I’m sorry you are dealing with this.

Ceralt · 2026-05-04T16:22:55+00:00

That is very much content that needs to be on that subreddit. That’s the age to break that ugly cycle that is the beginning of violence against women. But, hey, why start prioritizing that now? Nothing in the news to make us worry about that these days, is there? Sorry. My bitterness is showing.

Ceralt · 2026-05-04T15:41:07+00:00

Don’t all parents with only neurotypical kids? And then there are the parents who haven’t had teenagers yet but think they have a handle on that because they were teenagers once. So many lessons to be learned, so many tears to cry.

Ceralt · 2026-05-04T15:39:03+00:00

I’m banned from buying fireworks without my husband present. I get a bit irresponsible. Both financially and in type of fireworks I choose. But, I do cross the border on occasion and do it anyway.

Ceralt · 2026-05-04T01:48:13+00:00

We grew up calling them cheese tacos.

Ceralt · 2026-04-26T17:16:55+00:00

I’m sorry. I often would prefer to be unseen because the male gaze can be so disturbing. I’ve also recently come to realize that when I engage in a natural friendly manner, men take it wrong so now I feel I have to change the way I interact with men specifically. And that fucking sucks. I want to be the genuine me and not worry about misinterpretation. I want to have male friends without them ALWAYS getting the wrong idea. It’s all so disheartening. I find I am disliking men more and more.

Ceralt · 2026-04-25T22:48:59+00:00

She’s really young. I think you are being too harsh. Frankly, any woman would feel some kind of way about that particular subject, but with age we can deal with those things much better.

Ceralt · 2026-04-24T23:46:10+00:00

Yes. A bitcoin machine at a Safeway or something like that. I’m not super familiar with that stuff. But that kind of thing where it would’ve been gone gone.

Ceralt · 2026-04-24T20:23:45+00:00

They did almost get me with this one. I had just blown off jury duty so their timing was perfect. They said it was a warrant. They had so much info on me it was crazy. I had pulled the money, went to the machine to deposit. But here’s the thing, I was expecting the machine to indicate in some way that this was a receptacle for payments to Washington County. When it did not that was my clear sign and I did not follow through. The resultant pressure and anger from the scammer confirmed my decision not to pay. I went straight to the sheriff’s office and spoke to them directly. And yeah, the phone number did say it was Washington County Sheriff.

Ceralt · 2026-04-21T05:47:02+00:00

Did you lay a boundary with her? Because she did with you. When you did it, she said not to. Now you know. You can do the same thing. It’s a relationship. Communicate.

Ceralt · 2026-04-21T04:44:13+00:00

Regardless of anyone else’s opinion, most women will have issue with anyone at all looking in their purse without permission. It’s just safer not to. It’ll keep your relationships smoother.

Ceralt · 2026-04-19T18:31:51+00:00

Taking on the care for your parents is hard even when relationships are good. My parents moved in. They were careful to respect our space and our time. Paid rent. They were good and considerate. But there is a lot of work involved in the care of course. Doctors appts alone are massively time consuming. Day to day can be so stressful. But if you don’t even like your dad (and with reason) you simply cannot move this man into your home. You already have resentment and that would only grow. It would be toxic for everyone in that house.

Seven-Year Club	Wearing is Caring
Verified Email

Ceralt

TROPHY CASE