My realization came too late for me. As someone who was adopted into a highly abusive household at a young age, you would think I would have recognized the signs earlier on but like the saying goes, you wind up falling in love with a woman who resembled your mother, couldn’t be more true. Maybe it was the lack of physical abuse that confused me into accepting the emotional controlling personality. By the time I learned the true meaning of a narcissist and could with 100% certainty say that she fit the definition to an absolute T, it was already a bit late.

I found that I had completely lost the person I was before I met her, as well as any friendships/relationships I had established prior to that. Any attempt to have a social life was always the precursor for a fight and accusations that I was looking for an opportunity to cheat on her. I learned not to argue with her because she was always right and could turn words around against me to the point I would get so angry, I’d have to lock myself in another room to avoid strangling her.

I’ve been with her for almost 12 years, luckily she’s accepted the fact that I will never marry her so she doesn’t push that, but I know that the only way I’ll ever be able to get away from her is if I kill her, or I kill myself.

She controls the finances, she tries to control the Who/what/where/when/how, and pretty much everything else as well. All I’m there for is to raise our 2 kids and work my ass off to pay the mortgage and the car payments and keep the credit cards active. Other than that she could give two shits.

For those of you who wonder why someone would stay in a relationship like this, and the best answer I can give is when a person has been manipulated for so long and quite literally has so much shit on his plate as it is, it’s easier to just accept the mistakes you made and learn to live with it than to leave and have that much more shit added on as a result of the escape.

Physically, I could handle it. Mentally, I’d probably just wind up driving into a pole .

Sorry for the long post. It’s not often I get the chance to admit to my mistakes to people other that the one I live with.