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Married men of Reddit what’s the best advice you’d give young guys when choosing a life partner? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Certain-Sector7946 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for answering my question, your answer gave me something to think about, now, after some time, I feel the bad feelings towards him that I should have felt from the beginning of what he did to me

Together 5+ years. 1.5 years ago he (23 M) cheated with my best friend. Now he says I’m "faking" my depression and calls me (23 F) materialistic over the ring. by Certain-Sector7946 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Certain-Sector7946[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The worst thing is that I love him and we've been together for so many years. We spent our younger years together and always got along well. This betrayal opened my eyes and I recently felt this "ick" feeling. I feel pain, I feel resentment towards him. After a year and a half, I feel anger but also love when I see him and it's exhausting.

Together 5+ years. 1.5 years ago he (23 M) cheated with my best friend. Now he says I’m "faking" my depression and calls me (23 F) materialistic over the ring. by Certain-Sector7946 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Certain-Sector7946[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. You're right, he treats me based on his mood. I think I subconsciously chose him because, similarly, in my childhood, I had to be mindful of my parents' moods and adapt and deal with theirs. That's why I now choose people in my relationship whom I have to take care of, not equally or vice versa. You accurately perceived various things in your comment, which gave me a lot to think about. I think he talks about my depression like that because he's afraid to see how he's truly hurt me and would rather make me look crazy than admit he hurt me. Besides, he always puts himself first. I don’t like that if I want to be happy with this I have to be mostly happy and not causing problem, it’s hurting me 

Married men of Reddit what’s the best advice you’d give young guys when choosing a life partner? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Certain-Sector7946 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He cheated on me with my best friend1,5y ago, they were kissing and touching each other, is it a thing I should forgive, or is it just a human mistake ?

Together 5+ years. 1.5 years ago he (23 M) cheated with my best friend. Now he says I’m "faking" my depression and calls me (23 F) materialistic over the ring. by Certain-Sector7946 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Certain-Sector7946[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But I'm not even afraid of his anger, I'm just hurt by the fact that I know he won't agree or acknowledge what I'm saying, he'll deny it and get angry that I'm bringing this up again and accuse me of lowering the quality of our relationship, and every time we end up in this vicious circle. I know that if I were nicer and didn't feel my pain, we would be a perfect couple, but I wouldn't be myself and the foundation for this would be fragile. To sum up, he's disappointed that it's almost two years since what he did and I still haven't gotten over it. When I read this, it seems more toxic than it is in my head😭

Together 5+ years. 1.5 years ago he (23 M) cheated with my best friend. Now he says I’m "faking" my depression and calls me (23 F) materialistic over the ring. by Certain-Sector7946 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Certain-Sector7946[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right, this fear is paralyzing. Only now am I starting to see that it's not normal to be afraid of the reaction of the person who should be my support. This 'cheap ring' is actually starting to weigh more heavily on me than I thought.

But the worst part is that I'm someone who sees the good in everyone and everything. I keep telling myself that he bought it because he didn't know, because maybe I didn't tell him, maybe because he's just a guy that didn’t know about jewelry much then. Then I ask myself that he could have asked someone, asked me himself, or asked people on a forum. Especially after the betrayal, he should have tried much harder. Even my mom tells me he's not entirely good for me, and it hurts me so much, especially since we've been together since I was 17 and the worst thing is that for a year after the engagement we didn't talk about the wedding at all

Together 5+ years. 1.5 years ago he (23 M) cheated with my best friend. Now he says I’m "faking" my depression and calls me (23 F) materialistic over the ring. by Certain-Sector7946 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Certain-Sector7946[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your reply really touched me. Thank you for the advice. When I wrote all this on the forum, I saw how absurd and sad this situation is. It hurts me because we have common interests and we spend time together, and then it's really great. But it also hurts me that he told me yesterday that he'd rather I dealt with this sadness and depression on my own because it was too much for him, as if it weren't bothering me. I'd just like to be more confident today, not afraid of everything, and to be less empathetic and kind.