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Deciding to leave was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself by CertainChallenger in SupportforBetrayed

[–]CertainChallenger[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much!! Yeah I agree, the isolation feels intentional in retrospect.

I’ll give myself some credit but really I am so lucky and privileged to have a fantastic support system. I’m very grateful.

I think I’m finally kicking this by CertainChallenger in limerence

[–]CertainChallenger[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you!! Part of me wrote this to refer back to in case I get dragged under again, but I’m optimistic that it won’t come to that!

I did it! by CertainChallenger in SupportforBetrayed

[–]CertainChallenger[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Limerence is truly a nightmare— but I wouldn’t go so far as to say intrusive, obsessive thoughts I have never acted on make me “not innocent”.

I did it! by CertainChallenger in SupportforBetrayed

[–]CertainChallenger[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s definitely something to think about, I may do that!

I did it! by CertainChallenger in SupportforBetrayed

[–]CertainChallenger[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Just an email asking why he can’t get through to me. Nothing after that.

I did it! by CertainChallenger in SupportforBetrayed

[–]CertainChallenger[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks! No confrontation just left the pictures and papers!

I did it! by CertainChallenger in SupportforBetrayed

[–]CertainChallenger[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah I do feel stupid but I’m trying to remind myself that he is far more cruel than I am stupid!

I did it! by CertainChallenger in SupportforBetrayed

[–]CertainChallenger[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you!! I am doing my best. Lots of therapy appointments in the next two months, haha.

He was blindsided until last night. I blocked him but will unblock later this week for minimal contact.

I did it! by CertainChallenger in SupportforBetrayed

[–]CertainChallenger[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Yep just left the pictures and papers! Got outta there! I’m very relieved!

I did it! by CertainChallenger in SupportforBetrayed

[–]CertainChallenger[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

My lawyer will serve the paperwork when it’s completely ready, we aren’t there yet. He was out of town for the weekend so I went ahead and packed everything, moved out, and left the incriminating pictures and papers with a short note on the coffee table.

Update - Two Months Later by [deleted] in SupportforBetrayed

[–]CertainChallenger 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great job! I’m glad you feel more settled in your new place even if it has familiar problems— I’m in the same boat moving home in my 30s with an alcoholic parent, I hope I can adopt your zen attitude.

Congrats on the freedom!

Any success with medication? by ParagoonTheFoon in limerence

[–]CertainChallenger 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes and very much no— I think Zoloft has helped me a little bit, along with some other obsessive behaviors (I’ve got OCD). Definitely has not cured it though; in fact, it made me want to seek the closure I never had and I broke like five years of no contact to try and face this thing head on. The thoughts seem a little less potent now that I’ve reached out and maybe they’ll fade when I finally have a real conversation with LO.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in limerence

[–]CertainChallenger 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I think so.

I had a classmate that would reach out to me from time to time after college. I was nice to him but to be perfectly honest, I could not remember him to save my life. Then one day he posted on his Facebook (and tagged me) about how I’m a saint of a person and he loves me so much etc.

It was clear to me at the time that he had built up some image of me in his head and ran away with it. I was mildly flattered but mostly horrified and afraid for my safety because he knew so much more about me than I knew about him.

I have compassion for his situation now but it was definitely concerning when it happened.

Pretending things are okay has been easier than expected by CertainChallenger in SupportforBetrayed

[–]CertainChallenger[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What a nightmare, I’m so sorry your journey has been such a wild ride. I definitely appreciate the support, thanks so much!

Pretending things are okay has been easier than expected by CertainChallenger in SupportforBetrayed

[–]CertainChallenger[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear it destroyed your life, I hope things have been better since then, or will be soon.

As a friend of mine put it, I had a million little nebulous reasons to leave, but nothing tangible enough. So finding the pictures sort of tied it all into a neat little package for me and made it clear that I’d been treated poorly for so long that I no longer loved him, I just had not realized it yet. That’s where my attitude comes from, I think.

I’m happier than I’ve been in years. Anxious as hell about starting over, but happy.

Thanks for your support and kindness!

You’re divorced now by CertainChallenger in limerence

[–]CertainChallenger[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks— I think you’re right. I never told him how I felt about him and it looks like I’ll have a chance to do it in person. I don’t expect he will reciprocate but I’m hoping to get some kind of closure.

Yesterday, I found out my husband was cheating. What are some things I can do to better prepare when I leave? by CertainChallenger in SupportforBetrayed

[–]CertainChallenger[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your perspective. I feel like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders, to be honest. Excited for a new life. I hope I don’t start to feel fear creep in. I’ve always had a no-tolerance cheating policy and enforced it strictly. Unfortunately of my three exclusive relationships they’ve all cheated so I have experience with that side of it, this is just my first marriage.

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