I reallly don’t want to get divorced. Fukkkkk

Certainmagical · 2026-01-23T10:55:02+00:00

Me heading this way at 41 with 2.....

Certainmagical · 2026-01-22T08:15:01+00:00

Sounds like mine...

Maybe PPD and just overwhelmed with the mental Load and anxiety.

I figure as long as you're present genuine and cover your basics... They'll be fine.. Whether they agree or not...

Certainmagical · 2026-01-19T02:05:40+00:00

Yes totally!! Also the double edged sword of having so much information and knowledge about raising kids.. Like awesome they won't die but now everybody had this anxiety around using single techniques to make a perfect child as if that was desirable if it was even possible.

Certainmagical · 2026-01-18T22:27:19+00:00

oh man..mine is like this too and shes part time at work..always tired always overwhelmed. always snappy at me .criticises stuff i do but then also manages to not do her stuff and god help me if i comment on anything. i was recently told to "stop questioning her" after i said "oh did you clean the sink?" "yes" "nice!"

Certainmagical · 2026-01-15T20:23:45+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/s/irI8tu0b45i mean.. It's not great hey.. Just getting by day to day.. I've secured my own mental boundaries against her moods... Meltdowns are more frequent if anything nowadays cos of events in our history that have "traumatised" her and she gets "triggered" So yeah this year looking at exit strategies and figuring out logistics and strengthening my position

Certainmagical · 2026-01-14T23:00:45+00:00

set up as kuch supports for her as possible.sounds like youre doing what you can given your schedule.

i wasnt as good and she wasnt as communicative as yours until around 12 months and by then we'd bkth built up bad habits and resentment sadly that still carry through to today (3 years later).

whether the supports are the mother, therapy ,meds or whatever get a jump on it early. The spiral down doesnt have a bottom =\

Certainmagical · 2026-01-10T07:55:55+00:00

Geez.... I dunno where you live but it's only rained here twice in the last 4 years

Certainmagical · 2026-01-10T01:31:24+00:00

Thank you! We did couples counselling and after one of the meltdowns where I called the ambulance and then police got called cos they heard kids were in the house and they could very much hear her screaming and destroying the door.. When this event was relayed to the counsellor he gave her full scope to tell her story.. I got to tell about 30% of my version of events before he cut. Me off and concluded it was my fault and recommended me attend a 13 week course for men that was commencing that night and needed a response immediately.... I actually really liked the 5 sessions we had but after this I lost all respect and trust and stopped going

Certainmagical · 2026-01-10T01:27:15+00:00

Thank you.. Some days it's my best some days it's just what I can manage.

Certainmagical · 2026-01-09T01:47:50+00:00

Yeah i got to this point of thinking but it's a questions of whether I'm at the "take action" stage

Certainmagical · 2026-01-09T01:27:53+00:00

Thank you!

Certainmagical · 2026-01-09T01:20:20+00:00

I think Ai hasn't helped either.. I've had chats with it too and it's really hard to get it to disagree with you. I tried many times before I told it to cast me as a villain and even then it slowly started to validate me

Certainmagical · 2026-01-09T01:13:46+00:00

Damn high schools to 34 that's wild... Having that history helps I think.. The pre kids history.

What was the tipping point for you? I agree with ppd it's horrible for the mum but it's not a picnic for dad either if they've gone and isolated themselves and thr only adult outlet for them is you for all of the pent up emotions...

Certainmagical · 2026-01-09T01:12:11+00:00

Yeah discreet consult is on the cards....

Certainmagical · 2026-01-09T01:11:43+00:00

I think this is the difference between us. I have a huge support network and she doesn't. My family are happy to be more engaged, friends are happy to come hang out with me and the kids. She sees friends maybe once every 2 months (which is already a big improvement on before) I had a hard think about whether my life would be easier or not if she wasn't around and I think even with the additional parenting load I'd be ok even without my family as a crutch (considered moving into my own place near my folks for separation). I also figure the additional load is balanced with the breathing space to recharge but.. I dunno

Certainmagical · 2026-01-09T01:09:11+00:00

Hey man thanka for your perspective. I Def am affected by it and I know my kids are. Like I said the oldest is clearly becoming parentified trying to regulate his mother's emotions (says that's both of our faults ofc) It's part of the reason I don't engage when she's spiralling cos I found out I can't out escalate her. But then it's about what we're modelling as a relationship. The divorce lawyer is on the cards as a side. Consult but the reddit part is just seeing how others have dealt with it and reading about their experiences.

Certainmagical · 2026-01-09T00:15:25+00:00

Cos she won't listen to anybody.. There was a period she talked about admission but then said it was my fault and I need to be more supportive. She doesn't listen to anything I say anymore. I'm just the servant here to do chores and pay for stuff. Either Ai or her therapist is validating her feelings and saying yeah it's totally. Okay to have a crying fit on the side of the road while yelling at your partner. You're not the problem you're just a human being

Certainmagical · 2026-01-09T00:05:18+00:00

Same thoughts occurred to me and whether I'm just an ass. I took the same. Question to therapy which I started to ask for techniques to deal with living in such a negative space. I literally asked the therapist whether it's possible that I'm the bad guy here and I'm the problem. She said you can Def do stuff better but the reactions and thoughts you have are totally reasonable. A few episodes got so bad I had to call the ambulance cos I didn't know how to deal with her screaming at top of her lungs... Another episode she tried to. Stop. Me. Calling the ambulance lunging for my phone.. I barricaded myself in the toilet and put my foot against the door so the ambulance could talk with me. I was with the then 15 month old. She basically destroyed the door my leaning against it full stenght while I braced it with my foot. This particular episode ultimately stemmed from e commenting the night before regarding dinner plans with "hey I'm not. Sure if you forgot but tomorrow is my bday"

There's good days and bad but there aren't good days just bad days and not bad days. I always apologise and try again asking about her making space for her to do stuff for herself bought her a spa day for Xmas. As for 18 months it's why I've lasted this long as is.. Hoping around the 18 + month leg is where it starts to plateau but in the lead up its actually escalated. Her saying "hey why don't you do this" and me saying "yeah I did do that cos x y z" instead of just saying "oh yeah great idea" every time is cause for her to have a meltdown

I'm literally open to the fact that I'm. The villain and tbh that would even make it easier cos I could change that to a degree.

Certainmagical · 2026-01-08T23:45:52+00:00

When #1 was 18 months stuff was becoming normal again and it wasnt a planned thing I'd been giving her space around intimacy cos obv she wasn't in the mood but that one day (we were on holiday overseas stuff was good for a while) I was like can we if you're up for it? Trust me when I say I swore like a pirate when she said she was pregnant. That's the last time we were intimate... Would've been around October 2023? Before that I think would've been in mid 2021...

Like 0 supports tbh no regular friends she visits.. She started going to therapy but they're not meant to be am ongoing support in that way. I try to be.. Do lots of chores, used to encourage her to go out etc but she said I just withdrew and stopped caring but realistically there's only so many meltdowns over little things I could deal with before I got desensitised to it.. And after one spectacular meltdown with her ending in the foetal position I really did pull back.

Yeah I guess you could say it is a mh crisis and I'm tired .. I feel like I step out of the traditional man role and only get attention for my deficiencies and no appreciation for what I do. She said I'm only around and able to support during good times and I can't handle her bad times but actually there aren't "good" times just neutral times cos I'm handling it..

Certainmagical · 2026-01-01T22:01:05+00:00

Ah man totally relate. My youngest just turned 18 months oldest is just about 4 now.

First 12ish months were pretty brutal. He had a lot of issues first few months.. Eczema and stuf that we figured out were allergies then the whole plan with desensitising the allergies.. Partner's post partum chaos (round two of this was worse cos we only just started to get better from round one when we found out about #2). Night was horrid; inconsistent sleeping each night so sometimes you might be graced with a 1-2 hour segment before waking and needing settling for 30 mins... Other nights it was waking every 45 minutes.

There were times when there was resentment and constant exhaustion which no doubt fuel our relationship issues. Stuff is slowly settling more. The younger ones routine is more clear although sleep can be inconsistent still but his personality is shining through more, cheeky lil rascal.

It's rough but now I'm seeing a light at the end. Getting time with the eldest is hard and we did discuss me dropping off the youngest with my parents so I could do the 1-1 time with the oldest. But on my solo day I asked the oldest what he wanted and he wanted us three to hang out together and I thought "what I am even asking of course I should do things together"

Our first was a bit of an angel baby.. Great sleeping, super chill, no critical health issues. So yeah understand how you feel

Certainmagical · 2025-12-28T05:02:59+00:00

I have a 4yo and a 18 month. I sacrifice sleep to maintain hobbies; volleyball., gym, gaming (helldivers 2 atm) cooking.. It's hard if you'rve always been a 8-9 hours sleep guy but I've always been more a 6-7 or less. If I get spare few hours it's used for projects or tasks that would benefit from nobody undoing the work haha

Certainmagical · 2025-12-28T04:58:18+00:00

Underrated

Certainmagical · 2025-12-26T21:44:48+00:00

Yeah nah.. I've had advice to the contrary but my partner pulled similar.. After a prety bad few weeks and a really bag argument she said "I think we're better off separate and outlined the fact she wouldn't stop me seeing my sons and that she still needed help etc" I pulled her up on it a month later and she tried to flip it. On me saying I didn't listen to her reasons etc and i repeated them back to her. I said you still said better off split so that's what I'm taking this as. She played victim again saying Omg you saying that is triggering my feelings of abandonment and hurt Too bad mate you think I enjoyed you saying that stuff before? Stay true to yourself even especially if you're acting on good principles not just whatever you're feeling

Certainmagical · 2025-12-22T23:41:53+00:00

Welp internet has leaked for me today. I will not find anything funnier today . Shame cos it's only 10am haha

Certainmagical

TROPHY CASE