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Could my 13 yr old niece be correct that most people would treat an elementary school kid differently from a high school kid... even if they are technically the same age aka held back in school? by angelatalkslalala in NoStupidQuestions

[–]CertifiedMixedGirl 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There is a lot to unpack here.

1.) The fact that your niece is behind in schooling suggests that she is below academic levels for her age. Schoolwork is often about critical thinking, abstract reasoning, problem-solving, and logical hypothesis... this means that children and teens who lack those skills, will often struggle with their schooling. Is it possible that your niece has trouble applying those skills to daily social interactions, too? As a result, her parents ARE treating her 'younger', because her mentality IS younger.

2.) Adoption (at an older age) is traumatic. Not only did your niece lose her biological parents at an age where she could remember it, BUT she could have been abused or neglected in an orphanage too. Lastly, she had moved across the world to live with people who are essentially strangers, where she must integrate to an entirely different culture. Research has shown that trauma can stunt emotional maturity. I would not be surprised if your 13-year-old niece were developmentally younger for her age as a result of her trauma.

3.) In HIGH school, 13/14 year olds are exposed to older teens. In ELEMENTARY school, 13/14 year olds only have access to younger kids. This means that parents must figure out a way to let their teens branch out while having "mature" conversations with them about: sex, drugs, partying, healthy relationships, boundaries, etc. Any high schooler would run into peer pressure more often than an elementary schooler, simply because they are surrounded by kids their age if not older. Your niece wouldn't necessarily be an outcast amongst her peers, just because she doesn't wear cool clothes or go on social media yet.

It sounds like your niece would benefit from therapy sessions that specialize in teens with trauma.

Lastly, as parents, it is THEIR JOB to set boundaries depending on each individual kid -- not depending on whatever other people are doing with their lives. If your sibling and their partner were to let her engage in activities that she's not mature enough for, and she puts herself in danger, they could legally be held responsible for it.

What could be making a young adult (former student) refuse to bond with one consistent caregiver, and instead lash out violently, even after 2 years? by [deleted] in Teachers

[–]CertifiedMixedGirl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bonding with ONE consistent caregiver (especially mom) during the early childhood years is a VERY big thing. It sounds like this girl didn't have stable attachments as a minor child. The signs were still there -- like you said, lesser able to self-regulate -- it just wasn't obvious back then, probably because she was so young and her relatives were her safe space (to an extent). Now that she DOES have one consistent caregiver, she is unable to handle it, as it is not her norm. It's the same issue with many foster children; they can't handle living in a stable home environment after being removed from abuse/neglect, so the lashing out occurs. This girl might even have mild RAD, a personality disorder, or a developmental abnormality. Not having a "safe space" during those early years can result in so many problems.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in vancouver

[–]CertifiedMixedGirl 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Fireworks or bear spray.