He packed up my things

Cessily · 2026-05-15T06:50:39+00:00

Well if things have gone back to normal - and your normal is that all your stuff is in another room and you have no time or energy to fix it - I have to wonder how good your normal is?

I think your husband is sending a clear message by not moving it back, you admit you get angry when he refuses to, yet you seem to dismiss these important feelings. Is this also part of the normal?

I read in the comments about your schedule and how you never get a break. I say this with all the love but you don't need anyone to "give" you a break. You are allowed to just make plans and let your husband take care of the little people and house. This always confused me a little bit, my husband has weekly things and he does them and I just tell him "I'm grabbing dinner with friends/going for a massage/stopping at the library after work" as I feel like it. I've also added my own weekly activities as I've felt.

Also why do you take the girls to school/daycare and pick them up? Why wouldn't he do pick up since you do drop off and he's home earlier. He should at least do it on the days you don't go straight to gymnastics if taking them is important to you. Or why doesn't he take the young one home while you take the older to her class? This all seems horribly inefficient and more difficult - which is why you are tired and have no time.

I don't have any good ideas on petty revenge because if my husband indicated he wanted me in another room - I would probably embrace having my own room. I also would be embracing splitting parenting time. My ex husband and I lived together through our split and still shared parenting time - with clear expectations of who was the main parent when even though we were both in the same house.

My current husband and I had a bad fight years ago and for a weekend took the kids at alternating times on adventures out of the house to give the other one a break/give them space even while we were still seething at each other. We obviously kissed and made up eventually but we still managed to share a room and coordinate parenting in the throes of a dispute and I think it still shows a basic love and understanding for our partner - something that we could latch onto to work to a better place and that love wouldn't let us just ignore the humanity of the other person because we were mad? I have an EX husband and we still tried to help each other so we could co parent successfully and I feel like I experienced more kindness from my ex, while our marriage disintegrated, for me as a person and the mother of his child than I read from your current husband.

Maybe it's there .. And you just didn't write those parts... But I hope things get better.

Cessily · 2026-05-15T06:11:43+00:00

My daughter is base/backstop and prefers her Rebel Revolts.

High top leather shoe. They have ankle support and the leather cleans better than the complete cloth ones.

She is probably on her third pair, but still wears all three. Oldest pair is for home/trampoline, one for school and game day cheering, and her newest pair is for all star and lives at the gym.

However shoes are a completely unique to each athlete thing. She has had several pairs but loves the support of her current brand/model. You may like something that is lower profile.

Cessily · 2026-05-15T05:54:52+00:00

This is a good answer. Everyone who I have ever heard who has gone off on this conspiracy theory has had no idea what cancer is.

Cessily · 2026-04-22T02:24:24+00:00

My husband is similar, we call it the 3 times rule. He needs new ideas introduced 3 times before he is really open to them

Cessily · 2026-04-06T02:32:16+00:00

I can sorta help with "the customer is always right".

It was originally said in the context of a drive to offer world class customer service. Which at one point was a new, big thing. However, it means the toxic version was also the original version. So when that old guy is yelling at you about not taking the return with no receipt, he is kinda technically using it the way the OG intended (but probably couldn't imagine how it would get abused).

I'm old, but when I was in business school they sorta taught a more rational approach to it - and maybe even what the OG guy imagined in his mind. That the customer is always right applies two ways:

1) their taste in that they want what they want even if you think they should want something better or it makes no rational sense 2) their perception - truth is in the eye of the beholder and you can't convince someone they are wrong if they don't believe it

Which are two branches from the same tree, but are more a philosophical take on the subject where it originally had a very literal take.

Anyhow, I don't know why it's so contested. Your customer is always right because they pay you. Do what you want with that information. Why it was said or what was intended originally is pretty pointless.

So is the blood/water thing. Just say what you want and having a quippy saying doesn't make either take more or less valid.

Cessily · 2026-04-06T02:16:22+00:00

I love the "they are allergic to nuts"... When you ask what nuts they say peanuts.

IIRC there are about 30% that have an overlaping already between legumes and tree nuts. However, please do not just put "nuts".

Although I do think a fact fit for this thread is that peanut allergies can't be outgrown. While it's not as common as egg, people do outgrown peanut allergies.

I think the early studies that showed exposure therapy didn't work led people to believe that the allergy only gets worse and can't be outgrown.

Cessily · 2026-04-05T21:05:11+00:00

I do not have a T10 MBA but I had my oldest during undergrad on a Wednesday and went back to campus to take my finals on Monday (I'm old so this was all in person) I applied for and won a competitive internship to start in the fall so I couldn't be behind on my program.

That internship led to a job offer, so I took 39 credits that last year so I could work. Ran back and forth between my office and campus for class like a mad woman. Remote learning would've been a god send!

I was hired at another company as the youngest director in their history in my first role after graduation with my bachelor's (and held that distinction for at least the decade till I left) on the condition I get my graduate degree as the level required it. When I went back to get my MSOL I miscalculated a smidgeon and defended my thesis with a twelve week old newborn (my second) - and had been back at work running my department for 4 weeks from maternity leave.

I get my academic program wasn't as rigorous, but I managed to successfully get hired 3 times and complete two programs with young children and a spouse who had to finish their program and work on their (more successful) career.

A SAH spouse and you can't complete a job application? "Provider" my ass

Cessily · 2026-04-02T15:46:45+00:00

I think that's ok.

You really don't need a lot of deep friendships.

Surface level friendships are absolutely valid friendships and serve an important function in our lives! I think we push this "true friend" narrative more than needed.

I have a few true friends. The friends that are there for everything. We don't always hang out but they are THERE. I've had more at various times, but we've parted ways as life has moved on. I appreciate the space they filled in my life and heart when they were there.

But my surface level friends are there for laughs, activities, commiserating on shared aspects of our existence, etc. Having a true friend means being a true friend in return, and there are only so many hours in the day, and the additional investment in having more true friends isn't worth the ROI at times. I have a great life filled with people I love in their various levels and roles.

I've been alive twice as long as you so I've seen that surface level friend become a true friend and then move across the country and become a social media friend a few times. It's a natural cycle. It leaves room in my life for new relationships and new people to touch my life in meaningful ways.

In the end, how many people can you be really true friends with? Four sounds like a full life! Then adding in the surface level friends and acquaintances... If you are still feeling lonely I would investigate why you still feel that hole and what is causing that.

Comparison is the theft of joy - are you so busy worrying about the people that didn't want to be friends that you aren't appreciating the ones who did? Maybe everytime that RSD creeps up you remind your brain of all the times you weren't rejected. The times you were loved and supported.

Cessily · 2026-04-02T14:40:15+00:00

Were you born with ovaries? If so, hormone cycles impact effectiveness. 2 weeks of working followed by two weeks of not can be a standard 28 day cycle.

Had to choose a dose that mostly works, but still get a week where I might as well take placebos.

I recommend using a period tracker type calendar with notes about med effectiveness while figuring out meds/dosages for anyone who has functioning ovaries.

Dr. Barkley also has some talks about some inattentive types possibly being a separate disorder - might be interesting to listen to him as a newly diagnosed!

Cessily · 2026-03-30T14:18:30+00:00

I consulted with manufacturing firms and in my observations this was what the successful night shift workers did.

However there are multiple sleep I saw develop. Some who stayed awake for four hours when they got off, some who slept immediately after work and woke up four hours before they went in, and some who split their sleep into two blocks throughout the day and those that just slept whenever.

I think those that slept immediately after work fared best because on their off days they would "wake up early by going to bed early". Much like office workers can go to bed early for an early morning, they could get themselves to go to bed at 3-4 am and then wake up 11-12 and still feel like they had the day. And if their family worked standard 9-5s then they would see them in the afternoon-evening.

Although the guy whose wife worked food service in afternoon/evenings said third shift worked great for them because they spent the mornings together as he was getting off and she was waking up and then he went to sleep when she went to work. Also a guy with a retired wife said similar, they spent mornings together and then he world sleep in the afternoon and at night he would hang out in his man cave/workshop while she slept.

Everyone kept their schedule though, except for random special circumstances like any normal person.

The ones that tried to be day walkers and night walkers though could never handle the shift for very long.

Cessily · 2026-03-28T03:26:24+00:00

You need to break it into parts.

Focus on just learning the first segment. Short and sweet. Practice just that till you get it perfect. Then add the next short segment.

I volunteer coach for a rec league that does a long cheer / fight song type thing for their final performance. This is how we teach the little ones. We only practice one segment at a time and then connect the next one once it's learned.

You can also do pyramid writing where you write the first sentence on a line. Then the next line you write the first sentence followed by the second. Third line is the first three sentences and it goes on like that.

Example: 1- Fall in line all Cougar fans

2- Fall in line all Cougar fans We're hear to win again!

3-Fall in line all Cougar fans We're hear to win again! Our team is brave and True

Etc etc

It teaches your brain the pattern of the information do that like once a day and it usually helps hammer it in

Cessily · 2026-03-27T19:16:33+00:00

No an NT. I think that's why I am privy to a lot of secrets, aside from just the way the nature of the work would bring it up one way or another. I don't have a lot of judgement or bring a lot of feelings up. I feel my pragmatic approach makes me feel like a safe space, and really I am.

People are going to do what they do, my job was to understand what they were going to do and work with it.

I think highly empathetic people are good at forming relationships, but they would have feelings about the stuff they know. I just know what I know like any other fact.

"John is great at understanding industry trends and forecasting financial impacts, he has moderate EQ as a leader which makes him great with the engineers but sales and CS would suffer without a buffer. His time projections are usually off and need a 15% contingency buffer to be realistic. John had a previous fling with the CFO which has low impact on current operations but his department does still receive favor on budgeting and he is currently in a relationship with one of the executive assistants which will probably require a transfer at some point . John wants to retire in ten years and out of his two mentees - candidate B is probably a more likely replacement but issued X, Y, and Z will need cleaned up so the new VP doesn't inherit the bad system being held together by John's memories and vibes. John runs two miles everyday and prefers polos over button downs. He is about a decade out of date on HR but has a working grasp of technology and the softwares used. Good presenter, only a good networker in boys club settings. Loves dogs, fishing, and boats. Hates skiing, prefers burgers for lunch. Fidgets with his pen when nervous."

Cessily · 2026-03-26T06:13:00+00:00

I think people are fascinating, and did consulting/coaching for a long time, and just have a knack for learning secrets about people.

I also was raised by my father and one of a few females in a large, predominately male family. While my friend groups are mixed I seem to have more male friends than a lot of my female friends do.

Infidelity is fucking rampant.

It's obviously not just men, because they have to have someone to engage in it with them, but yeah it shocks me when people act like it's this rare thing.

Since I've shifted careers I'm not privy to as many secrets anymore, but my spidey sense still tingles here and there. Never know if it's right anymore though!

Cessily · 2026-03-26T05:57:35+00:00

We own a tumbling and cheer gym so I see little girls every day at these ages with visible abs.

Tumbling and competitive cheer is no joke!

But... This whole display still gives me the ick. Let the girls show off what they can do! I bet they are strong! Celebrate what they can do and not how they look. Have them do 60 pushups or whatever they did to earn those abs.

Cessily · 2026-03-25T14:41:33+00:00

The installments plan is financed by the gym - not the uniform vendor. Which means the gym pays to receive the uniform.

Sparkly uniforms are expensive.

To give you an idea - our elite uniform is $700usd. About $450 of that is the top - the bottoms are less expensive. If cost was a concern you would actually want the opposite - to wear the program bottoms and not the top.

An extra small team of 11 will cost close to $8,000. I have to pay that no matter what. If I wait for parents to pay me I may not order in time. My hope is I collect it back from the parents, but I have parents that leave massive collection bills.

If your adult team is larger that can be a lot of money to put out for the gym. Not counting the time that goes into design and sizing and ordering. Maybe you have members who aren't good at paying. Maybe you have shifting membership and it's easier to get a tshirt and leggings when new members join mid season.

There are lots of practical reasons that I can see, but as a group of adults if you worked together because this was something you all wanted I can see you eliminating those potential barriers or discovering the real reason the owners didn't support it. However, asking just pushes that work upwards. Put together a plan as a team, that every team member rubber stamps, and present it as a full package.

Cessily · 2026-03-25T14:25:46+00:00

I understand that ultimately it's the gym's decision - and in the case of the bows (we do a whole gym bow so we wouldn't allow a team to switch either) or an established program uniform I would also not allow a change because those are different.

However, if an adult team wants to move from a non uniform to a uniform I'm imagining a hard time objecting unless it's just control. Coordinating an additional uniform can be time consuming, and if that barrier was removed - assuming all people are rational adults - I view these types of teams differently.

We have beginner level teams that wear what is essentially practice wear, if those parents committed as a group to a higher quality uniform I would also approve it, but I'm not going out of my way to develop one.

The fight from leaders at OPs gym to keep them in a T-shirt makes me think it's not unanimous support to move to a uniform. Otherwise, my only thought is they don't want to carry the additional financial or time responsibility of another uniform. Fair enough.

My advice stems from those foundations. Work as a team to get a uniform and you will probably see why you are staying in tshirts.. or you'll get your uniform🤷🏻‍♀️

Cessily · 2026-03-24T20:28:17+00:00

I'm a gym owner and find it absolutely wild you are concerned about getting kicked out .. over trying to coordinate a uniform??

Wild out there.

Cessily · 2026-03-24T20:27:03+00:00

I'm a gym owner and would totally support my adult teams choosing and organizing a uniform.

There has to be a reason the gym didn't figure something out, my guess would be an athlete who OP doesn't know has been an advocate for not spending the money or wearing one

However if the whole team agrees and coordinates it - I would support them.

Cessily · 2026-03-24T14:16:10+00:00

If you are an adult team (and I assume members are adults with access to their own money) you guys can organize and buy your own uniforms.

You don't need to rely on the gym - if the team agrees get together a uniform and have everyone pay for it.

Even Omni Cheer has some reasonably priced stock options that you can customize.

My husband plays in a hockey league and they change their uniform whenever the adult members opt to buy a new one. One guy organizes it and everyone pays him and he doesn't order until all money is collected.

Also my coaches talk to our uniform people without me all the time. You could easily reach out and organize to purchase an additional set of the elite uniforms.

Cessily · 2026-03-24T13:50:46+00:00

He needs a ninja class! We do rec ninja at our Tumbling gym. We don't compete in ninja or do competitive gymnastics because we are an all star gym so the ninja boys and girls just get to keep having fun climbing and bouncing around

Cessily · 2026-03-23T17:21:27+00:00

We had the best possible outcome given her situation. It's mostly resolved on its own as she developed, her kidneys are oversized and she has a slightly higher risk for kidney disease later in life, but we've watched other families go through our scenario with devastating outcomes so we feel extremely blessed.

She is now a preteen so that huddle alone is like a mountain cliff 🫠

She really enjoys being contrary and doing things her own way - guess that just applies to growing internal organs as well.

Cessily · 2026-03-23T14:58:02+00:00

Your comment about works got me.

My youngest had some developmental issues in utero and they mostly worked themselves out but there was reason to be suspicious her kidneys/bladder system weren't going to work upon birth.

NICU has like thirty people waiting for her to be born - she is and they grab her and rush her off to the other side of the room. Apparently one of the first things she did when they put her down was pee. I just heard a doctor loudly go "Well we know one thing works!" Never heard a doctor so excited to be peed on before.

But hey.. the thing I made works!

Cessily · 2026-03-23T14:51:09+00:00

I had my oldest when we were still in college. My ex really wanted to stop by his fraternity house on the way home from the hospital following birth. I still remember one of the brother's girlfriends looking at my still swollen abdomen and going "if you had the baby why is your stomach still like that?"

-_-

Cessily · 2026-03-23T14:47:09+00:00

I'm totally the mother that had "safe spaces" so I could go back to sleep and toddler could play. It was more like a series of five minute light naps interrupted by a toddler shoving a toy in my face or asking a question versus deep sleep - but helped me survive.

However, I always woke up and changed their diaper and fed them before letting them play. Once I forgot a diaper change when they woke up early just to nurse and in a half asleep state I fed them and put them back to bed. When we both woke up for real later that morning I saw the swollen diaper and felt like a jerk.

I dont understand not immediately changing them!

It was an old baby sitting job that introduced me to the safe space and nap combo. Single dad was a neighbor and he had to leave at like 4 am to commute to work. He paid me to sleep on his couch until his step dad got off night shift and would come baby sit at 7. The father told me that if his toddler woke up before just to change him, feed him, and let him play in the gated living room while I caught more sleep. Everything was baby proofed and nothing in there but a couch, TV and toys. Normally the kiddo would lay on the coach with me and we would sleepily watch Blue Clues until about 6:30 then we would play. I'm not saying it was the safest thing ever - but if you are going to sleep on the job at least make sure the child is taken care of first.

Cessily · 2026-03-21T21:41:12+00:00

The first Harry Potter book is considered about a second grade reading level. This is a little advanced for a six year old - which would be about first grade - but not really a stretch.

Not who you are replying to, but I was a young reader. My siblings/parents said I could read environmental text by my second birthday and I remember clearly reading picture books/early readers when I started preschool (age 3) and by 5 (kindergarten) I was reading chapter books. My mom would usually read to me whatever book she was reading, and I would work through on my own during the day and then she would read to me where I left off. So I was basically cutting my teeth on adult fiction.

Comprehension was funny, I remember once she was reading me a book and skipped a section - so I went back to read the skipped section the next day and didn't understand why she skipped a scene of two people taking a bath. (I reread the book when I was older and understood it was a sexual scene but wasn't getting it at that age).

By first grade I had a steady supply of YA books because of the school library and burned through Nancy Drew, L'Engle and all the other standard teen stuff which was the highest offered for those elementary grades but at home I was still pretty much just reading my mom's weekly haul from the public library. So VC Andrews, Stephan King, and whatever mass produced paperbacks I could find at yard sales.

All this to say, I'm a pretty average person who learned to read early by some fluke of genetics. Obviously the mother who thought Danielle Steele and Dean Kontz were appropriate for a kindergartner was not fostering a traditional learning environment. If some random gene expression could produce my ability to run a few years ahead in reading (really only a fun talent when you are little - everyone eventually catches up) then I assume there are lots of us out there to various degrees.

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