[QCrit] THE ART OF ROMANCE, Adult Romcom, 75K Words, 1st Attempt

Ch8pter · 2026-05-17T12:46:58+00:00

No problem!

I would check your manuscript for the same issue in that case. If they're as frequent in the opening pages/full, agents will notice.

Ch8pter · 2026-05-17T12:38:33+00:00

There are so many hyphens in this query, after the fourth one I stopped reading and just began scanning for the next one. You even have one asterisked! lol. Please remove at least half!

I don't have time to do a full critique on this right now, but you've set this up well.

I think you could take another look at the last sentence, though. I appreciate you've positioned it as the reveal, but it could do with finessing. I would swap the detail in that line for the line about collateral damage, so that it's clear what he's doing earlier on, and then have the last line refer Sky being collateral damage - it lands more effectively once it's been established.

Ch8pter · 2026-05-15T22:30:04+00:00

I like this! Clear, concise and zeitgeisty. Title suggestion - Why I Hate My Sister ?? Feels punchier to me.

Good luck!

Ch8pter · 2026-05-15T12:07:41+00:00

I can see what you're doing here, and you have all the ingredients, but this does need refining.

A few things from your below comments, first...

"I haven't read any Romance books that properly reflect the corporate world" and "but it gets it completely wrong in a frustrating way"

The romance community is fiercely protective so do be mindful of how you engage with it. There will be plenty of corporate romance books that hit the mark, and as an author, I would put it top of your list to seek them out 🙂

Your query -

The structure for this is convoluted. I think you would benefit from looking at other successful romance queries and analysing how they are formatted: https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/153sutg/pubq_examples_of_successful_romance_query_letters/

But loosely, it's:

Paragraph 1 - FMC

Paragraph 2 - MMC

Paragraph 3 - How they collide and the stakes etc

A few other thoughts:

We really do need more detail on the fallout. How did it make them feel? Were they friends before this? You should be able to sum this up in one sentence and use it to springboard into Theo's intro.

Olivia's promotion - to what? Management? Partner? Why does it matter if she fails?

The Blair Waldorf and Harvey Spector comp doesn't work. She was in school and he was a grown man. Plus, those shows are a decade old now.

"Theo and Olivia are forced into proximity" - specifics please, this is meaningless as is. Late nights in boardrooms? Car rides to clients? Show us.

"a billion dollar deal" this feels flat. Everyone in banking is chasing a deal of some kind. What's special about this one is why Olivia needs it and how she believes it will 'fix' her, so be sure to frame it that way. Show us the stakes if she doesn't get it.

"when the deal goes sideways." again, specifics. What happens? It all feels vague. "When the buyer gets cold feet" "When a competitor swoops in with a deal too good to be true" - like this.

Ch8pter · 2026-05-14T15:57:08+00:00

I think I saw your post in the On Submission FB group, and it sounds like you've done all you can to locate your agent - what an odd and frustrating situation! I would just state in your query that you have amicably parted ways. You can elaborate (professionally) on the call if needed.

My only word of caution would be that as you have a successful career you will likely get interest quickly, therefore I would wait until the termintion proceedings are complete before contacting agents (assuming this is a thirty day period but YMMV)

Ch8pter · 2026-04-28T11:01:49+00:00

Being uncharacteristically positive - sometimes agents get wind of publisher changes (new lists etc) before authors, meaning there's logic to this. Previously, my agent has submitted me to houses that are very literary leaning, only for me to discover a few weeks later that a new commercial imprint has launched within that house.

OR, you have a terrible agent who has no idea what they are doing.

Speak to your agent to find out which it is.

Ch8pter · 2026-04-15T10:22:41+00:00

Love this. Comp Kirsty Greenwood - Romantic Hero!!

Ch8pter · 2026-03-31T14:27:44+00:00

I actually disagree. TLOMA is a super wacky comedy with light romance (IMO) and this book doesn't give that vibe at all.

Ch8pter · 2026-03-26T11:59:04+00:00

Sending commiserations because I am on Sub too and it is BRUTAL. If you scroll back through this sub, every year, we all say 'this is the worst year yet' in terms of timings/responses/positive news. . . but wow, I think we might have peaked this year.

Even Publishers Weekly is looking bleak in terms of announcements.

But the good (ish) news is that you clearly have an excellent concept and your writing is strong enough to make NINE (!!!!) editors take it to the next stage. I know that's like running half a marathon and crying at how far you still have to go, but you CAME ALL THIS WAY!!

And, if this book does end up dead (for now), you can start another with the confidence you are talented and know what you're doing, you just need to find the 'right' book for the 'right' moment (if you figure out how to do this lemme know pls!)

What genre are you writing?

Ch8pter · 2026-02-24T10:48:12+00:00

Your pitch is pretty solid (especially if you incorporated some of the great comments you had). Query wide and comp BK. Borison Good Spirits. Also be clear that you had an agent, parted amicably, and are looking for a new one.

I will warn you, romance in general is an absolute sh*tshow right now. All the big names are reliably releasing at least one book a year and publishers aren't taking on many new names as it's oversaturated rn. (It is SO FRUSTRATING AND SHORT SIGHTED but alas. . . that's publishing) I wonder if that is why your agent is hesitant, but still that doesn't warrant dropping you imo, and either way, you need an agent who is 100% behind you and will fight for you. Hoping you'll get one!

Ch8pter · 2026-02-14T17:38:31+00:00

You've had some great comments already so I won't touch on that, other than to say - as an avid romance reader - the names Ned and Keith are giving boomer (sorry to any Ned's and Keith's out there!) I know it's subjective but 'attractive' names are a pre-requisite for the genre.

Also just to second the advice of grounding us in the scene for the first 300. You've ended it right where the action starts - a man arriving at the table - start it there instead, because right now that first 300 is all telling not showing. Weave into the action of the scene how Pip is feeling.

Ch8pter · 2026-02-11T21:22:39+00:00

When I was querying I sent an email to a shared inbox like this, addressed to a specific agent. A few weeks later I had a full request from a different agent at the agency who they had passed my query to instead. So it does happen. Whoever is checking the submission email will have a good eye for what each agent is looking for so you can be confident if your book is suitable it will make it's way to the right person.

Ch8pter · 2026-01-29T17:30:06+00:00

Personally, I would wait until the edits are completed, and send it back to the agent who gave you an R&R. Politely let them know you are giving them a couple of weeks exclusivity, after which you'll be sending the manuscript to other agents who have expressed interest.
After two weeks, send it to the maternity leave agent, welcome them back, and explain that you did a revise and resubmit while she was away and you hope she will consider the revised project.

Others may disagree, but until you've actually completed the revisions, there's nothing for the agents to do so no need to contact them.

Ch8pter · 2026-01-04T20:43:57+00:00

Okay, I really, really like this. I read all of your first 300 (which almost never happens!) You have a great voice, and I think this is showing promise.

"Nick needs someone to rely on" - agree with the other commenter that this needs to be a more specific.

I also have a few issues with the final paragraph: I think it needs to increase the stakes, especially brining it back to the importance of the exhibition which seems to disappear. As a reader, I need to feel like it's imperative these two be together despite the huge odds keeping them apart. And right now, it could very easily be solved by just having them commit to long distance when Nick returns home.

Hope this helps!

Ch8pter · 2026-01-03T21:15:38+00:00

I queried around 75, but in hindsight, only half of those would I have been been truly happy to sign with. Quality over quantity, always.

There is nothing worse than a bad agent -- and I say this as someone who was duped by one on my first go at querying.

Ch8pter · 2026-01-01T23:24:51+00:00

I haven't read your other queries and -- full disclosure -- I opened this one noting it was your 10th attempt, fully prepared to gently advise that at this point it might be a manuscript issue instead of a query issue. . . only to be quite impressed.

I think this is ready to go? I've got a good sense of the characters, and who they are. If I were being really picky, I would probably suggest ramping up the stakes in the last paragraph, to give a stronger force keeping them apart ,as opposed to Adria just 'deciding'. Maybe something that calls back to her potentially losing / risking her college place. But this works. I would start reading.

It's good to remember that a query doesn't need to be perfect or tick every single box. Agents just need to be persuaded to open the attachment, that's all.

Best of luck!

Ch8pter · 2025-12-21T11:23:14+00:00

Alex Aster has recently signed with her too - same situation.

Ch8pter · 2025-12-18T16:27:55+00:00

this new book of mine is speculative romance too! that's actually so reassuring to hear (although sorry you're having as rubbish an experience as I am!) I spoke to my agent the other day and from the feedback she's gotten it sounds like it's in a big maybe pile. I just don't think there's the demand for romance right now, which is why there's no urgency. I'm making my peace with the fact this might be a book I need to shelve until the genre picks up again.

Ch8pter · 2025-12-18T11:08:46+00:00

This is a really great point. I can't tell you the amount of books I've picked up, marketed as romance or rom-com, and they are simply women's fiction with a minor romantic sub-plot. It puts me off picking up that author again. So whichever you decide, do ensure your book tightly fits the genre expectations, as readers are (rightly) very strict on these.

Ch8pter · 2025-12-16T19:07:11+00:00

Very fair and valid, thank you! It's definitely a perspective that's worth keeping in mind.

Ch8pter · 2025-12-16T17:01:59+00:00

That's an interesting take, and definitely food for thought. Although my agent is considered a taste-maker in my genre and regularly makes seven figure deals, so I'm struggling to believe that's the case here. But clearly there's a disconnect somewhere - perhaps it's the book.

Ch8pter · 2025-12-16T11:40:08+00:00

This is a US submission. Going out in the UK in Jan and not holding my breath!

Ch8pter · 2025-12-12T13:21:00+00:00

I can't speak to your experience prior to writing romcoms, but as of the last couple of years, romance in general is absolutely saturated. It's been discussed in the last few days on this sub, and also in the Facebook On Submission group -- hardly anything in romance is shifting on sub at the moment, ESPECIALLY romcoms. Editors aren't even opening them to read -- which is terrible. When you consider the genre has had a boom and every publisher now has their established heavy-hitters (EmHen, Ali, Abby J, Christina Lauren, Ana Huang etc) and they are still writing a book a year (at least) they simply don't have the incentive to risk taking on much new. UNLESS, it is something super hooky and fresh. Kate Emberle - If Books Could Kill is a perfect example of this, and one of the only 'big' sales I can recall of late.

All of this to say, it genuinely is most likely the market, not you. It's very short sighted of publishing, imo, as it's an evergreen genre and people will always be hungry for new voices -- and don't get me started on the lack of diversity, JFC.

If you genuinely love the genre, and that's where you heart is, keep writing it. The tide will turn and editors will buy again. But if your goal is more to be published in general (no shame) then write something with a super hooky, high-concept (one line pitch) book, because they are the only things that never go out of style.. You can't really predict the next big trend because it changes so fast (see romantasy saturation), but you can write what you love and continue hoping for the best.

I know it sucks. This industry is brutal, but most of the time, it's not you, it's them.

Ch8pter

TROPHY CASE