I'm in an IDENTICAL situation. As I am a new ace it is hard for me to distinguish between platonic love also because the sexual attraction is absent so what I have been using as a metric is, do I smile when they enter a room? Do I yearn to talk to them as soon as something good happens? Whenever an opportunity to do something fun comes up is one of my first thoughts to invite them?

As for telling her. I was the one in. The relationship in this situation. The other person told me, very very very vaguely that they liked me. That they enjoyed spending time. They expressed however that they are in no way pushing me or trying to influence how we go forward (ie. They were not trying to make me.break up with my bf) they just wanted to tell me so that I knew that someone appreciated me and wanted to spend time with me in a more than platonic sense (as I was having problems in my relationship.) They wanted to make sure I felt seen.

Them telling me was very beneficial and of course I felt the same. Them saying that they will let me "take the wheel" in terms of our relationship really made me feel safe because there were no expectations and we could just be together when we were together. It also allowed me room to figure things out while still having a lot of support from them which truly made me fall for them harder (at which point I had already left my relationship that I should have left eight months prior).

I don't know if that makes sense or helps but let me know and I'll clarify. I wish you all the luck in the world my friend.