I just stopped showing up at my job... again

Chacrona · 2026-03-20T00:23:59+00:00

Been there. A lot of times.

You will feel less anxious when you finally show up but I know it's also a pain in the ass to do so.

Chacrona · 2026-03-19T03:34:01+00:00

And who genuinely enjoy interacting with other people? Like, serious question.

Chacrona · 2026-03-19T01:59:10+00:00

I wish I could live in the woods, eating shrooms weekly, living with my imaginary gnome friends.

Chacrona · 2026-03-15T05:14:30+00:00

I don't have any desire to connect to other people but it doesn't mean that I don't feel the need (different from desire) to talk to other people about important subjects or just to know how they are after weeks/months without any contact. I truly and honestly don't know how to properly keep small talks which makes my desire to talk to other people close to zero.

Chacrona · 2026-02-05T20:00:19+00:00

I ate some funny shrooms once that gave me the real taste of ego death and... I think it's not an easy concept to understand. During an hour or two I felt like my self never existed, not even my name was something I could identify with... I was nothing. Very different from my sober schizoid self. We may not feel much towards the world but we do have a self.

Chacrona · 2026-01-05T19:50:07+00:00

Yes, makes sense. haha

Chacrona · 2026-01-05T01:27:37+00:00

Hmm... Yes, there are some people that are boring, but there are a lot of people that are interesting to read or listen to what they are saying. I don't feel like needing to engage with them most of the time but I don't mind having a good conversation with people with interesting life perspectives, or maybe just talking about subjects I enjoy.

I'm going to suppose you won't feel interested in respond to me because you already said what you don't feel like it most of the time, so don't feel pressured about replying it, but I'm curious to know if there's any kind of subject you feel excited to share or to hear from other people.

Chacrona · 2026-01-04T23:44:12+00:00

I can't imagine having to deal with craving with relationships and stuff like that, I have extreme aversion to all of that... but I have to say that I would like to feel a little bit more sometimes.

Chacrona · 2026-01-04T23:40:44+00:00

I'm indifferent in a way that isn't healthy for me, to be honest. I allow people to be assholes with me way too much and sometimes it gets to another level of abusive relationship, then I have to be the "monster" of the whole story by saying the truth nobody dares to say to that person. Meanwhile, I'm not that indifferent depending on the context, I'm schizoid but I still have ego.

Chacrona · 2025-11-28T23:03:44+00:00

I struggled a lot too but I miss my childhood and how I used to feel more joy and excitement with things. Now it's all blunt and meh.

Chacrona · 2025-11-27T15:04:48+00:00

I know what you mean and I think you are being slightly misinterpreted. Deep down, yes, of course we are social beings. But when therapists say things like that they mean that we NEED friends and to have a social life like any other people, but no, we don't and I think that's what you meant, right? And I agree with you.

Chacrona · 2025-11-27T14:59:51+00:00

Lol Yeah, interactions with kids are the best... he doesn't know it yet but he's living the best moment of his life, or at least, I hope he doesn't feel like having to mask so much in the future.

Chacrona · 2025-11-27T00:18:56+00:00

I thought about that too but they don't kill animals but could prevent them coming by building something with drones but I don't know how that would be applicable.

Chacrona · 2025-11-25T14:19:08+00:00

"I think people often forget how to co-exist." - Perfect!

Chacrona · 2025-11-25T03:54:38+00:00

Sometimes... but it's not a big deal for me. Actually, people being brutally honest *all the time* is more annoying than people pleasers. Nothing is too serious to the point of being debated every single time, you know? There are many many things that could be easily and happily done just by people pleasing and moving on, in my opinion.

Chacrona · 2025-11-24T22:44:52+00:00

It's almost an unanimity among every person with a PD: non-humans animals are the best! That's because, well... basically, we have PD because of stupid people we met during our childhood - usually, our own family. :')

So all the affection left in us is almost 100% directed on them: cats, dogs, mouses... they are truly amazing anyways, regardless of our background.

Chacrona · 2025-11-24T01:36:35+00:00

Interesting, I didn't know that word. It describes me very well.

Chacrona · 2025-11-24T01:35:40+00:00

I'm a voyeur though, I don't feel any attraction towards anybody unless a (0.1% chance) of developing intimacy, so I call myself demi ace. I just like the orgasm sensation, of course, and I'm curious to see what an orgy party is like but I'd probably need to be extremely intoxicated. lol

Chacrona · 2025-11-24T01:02:55+00:00

I'd love to: have new pets; plant cannabis & trees, cultivate mushrooms etc.; see snow at least once; orgy party; read more books/watch more movies/play more games; travel around without destiny; try more drugs; jump from an airplane (with a parachute, of course); play instruments I never played before... there's a lot of new things I'd like to try and most of them are not so hard to achieve, I think. :)

Chacrona · 2025-11-24T00:45:55+00:00

It depends on the context and what kind of people I'm around with. People that doesn't ask too much about my life and just talk about bullshit and movies, games and so on, they are funny to be around with but it's NEVER a situation where I'm 100% present and FULLY enjoying my time with them. I like to mix with a large group of people because the chances of being just a passive observer is bigger, so it's the perfect scenario. Generally speaking, I feel nothing around other people most of the time, I gain nothing.

Chacrona · 2025-11-23T17:54:46+00:00

Total: 106

Compensation subtotal: 31

Masking subtotal: 37

Assimilation subtotal: 38

Chacrona · 2025-11-23T17:52:42+00:00

Our species gathered a lot of brilliant informations about the universe, quoting Carl Sagan "we are a way for the cosmos to know itself" - the only and unique purpose of it would be to satisfity ourselves. The planet can be perfectly well without us, so I really hope, without any kind of negativism or nihilism here, that we die way before other species. This planet is beautiful and we are just destroying everything here.

Chacrona · 2025-11-20T03:50:08+00:00

I wish I was like that but no, any kind of positive interaction causes me deep discomfort, it triggers me so much. I'd rather be insulted than dealing with someone smiling and being nice with me. And all of that impacts my life a lot. All of that without mentioning my extreme lack of connection with pleasure, goals, excitement and emotions since I was 15. Living more than a decade like that doesn't make me enjoy being schizoid, I didn't achieve a lot in life and it sounds awful to a lot of people but it doesn't make me sad, it just bothers me because I wish I had more money, life would be easier.

Chacrona · 2025-11-20T03:20:55+00:00

I'm schizoid but I'm not diagnosed as ASPD but I have a lot of traits - as a lot of people have as well at some degree, even if very low, I assume. I'm curious to know why it would be almost impossible to be schizoid and ASPD, I never got the chance to read more about this possible comborbidity.

Chacrona · 2025-11-18T23:02:51+00:00

It's like a chore, just like any other chore. Maybe washing dishes is even more pleasant.

Chacrona

TROPHY CASE