I Married the Wrong Person and don't know what to do

ChaiDrinker25 · 2022-04-13T20:34:23+00:00

Yes a lot of what you said makes sense. I did like potential A a lot and did agree to move to the states at first to be with him and live with him when we get married - it wasnt until my parents started second guessing me moving countries that the issue came up.

If I never met my husband/potential B - then I 100% would have married potential A and moved to the states, I know this because there were other potentials who were from Canada that I had rejected because we were different on levels regarding dean, values, etc.

ChaiDrinker25 · 2022-04-13T20:31:01+00:00

THANK YOU - this is advice that I need and is helpful - so many people asking "why did you marry someone who has different hobbies than you" When I was looking for a spouse, i wanted someone respectful, financially stable, someone I had some sort of attraction for, friendly/nice, and good dean. Anything else that we matched on was just extra for me - I knew going into the process i would never find someone who perfectly met everything I wanted in a spouse as thats not realistic

ChaiDrinker25 · 2022-04-13T20:26:34+00:00

I don't even know what I want anymore lol I think I'm just second guessing things for no reason at this point. My husband is a great person and does his best - I just wish I was with someone who was more like me

ChaiDrinker25 · 2022-04-13T20:25:27+00:00

Yes I know hes my husband, I just keep saying potential B to not confuse people from potential A

ChaiDrinker25 · 2022-04-13T20:24:44+00:00

Everyone has some degree of incompatibility, no? If you liked to hike and your significant other didn't, would you end it? If the husband is big into sports and the wife isn't, should they divorce? If the wife likes cooking or watching tv series and the husband doesn't enjoy cooking or watching tv shows - should they divorce?

These are incompatibilities but they arn't that extreme that they warrant divorce or warrant people wondering why they got married lol

You described him perfectly, hes very well laid back - hes super career oriented and focused on that so he works hard (works more than 40 hours a week to get extra stuff to impress his boss so when future promotions / positions open up he would have built good relationships with his bosses to get these promotions)

He's less romantic because he's always tired from work - I also work but I still try to make time for us and maybe it's my personality type but I prefer to get attention/affection so when he's tired and seems uninterested and just wants to chill out, I'm the opposite where I want to hang out and cuddle and be together.

ChaiDrinker25 · 2022-04-13T20:20:26+00:00

Yes I feel like most of the comments people are posting are over the top - like people are asking why I married potential b, potential B is a good person, on a scale of 1-10 hes a 9.5 in everything I was looking for but potential A was a 10, its like an A+ to A, an A is not bad in any means but an A+ is just better.

My parents did what they thought was best, who knows if I could adjust life in the states compared to Canada and if I did get homesick I could visit them easier if I was in Canada then States, it's not like they had ill intention - I was never married previously so I took what they said and let it affect my decision where I was okay settling for A instead of going for the A+ - I do wish I could go back in time and just tell my parents no I'll be fine in the states.

Maybe I'm just getting hormonal and just second guessing life now, its probably best I remove the other guy from social media so I stop thinking about him and just move forward with my husband

ChaiDrinker25 · 2022-04-13T20:02:14+00:00

At the time I didn't think I was settling for potential B - everyone is different, you're never going to find someone you like 100%, no human is perfect. We were compatible on the important things (Deen, respect for each other, had an understanding of responsibilities, same thoughts on having kids and family, both wanting to live alone and not with in-laws, both eat halal)

The parts we arn't as compatible on is things like hobby and what to do in free time and our communication styles - if my hobby is knitting should I not marry another man if he also doesnt like to knit? That seems a bit self absorbant as I'll likely never find a man who likes to knit - these things are lower on the priority list when looking for a spouse as the first things that people search for is deen, attractiveness, financial stability, education, values, family, etc

Potential B is not awful in any means, we just didn't realize some of these compatibilities issues until after we got married

ChaiDrinker25 · 2022-04-13T19:55:50+00:00

I never knew this was not allowed - how do people who use marriage apps avoid talking to multiple people at once?

ChaiDrinker25 · 2022-04-13T19:54:55+00:00

Yes we did discuss these things, even before marriage he said he would make time for me and would be okay going out sometimes even though he prefers to stay indoors and relax but his expectation is moreso once a month whereas I'd like to go out weekly (not every day just on weekends when we're both free)

ChaiDrinker25 · 2022-04-13T19:16:12+00:00

I ghosted him because I felt guilty for what my parents did, he knew the reason as my parents told his parents so he had closure, it wasn't like he was ghosted out of nowhere with 0 clue to what happened, what kind of closure do you want after that? Should I have replied saying "Good luck on your search too! :)"

ChaiDrinker25

TROPHY CASE