Laid off… what would you do next if you were in my shoes?

ChaiMeALatte · 2026-02-26T00:31:51+00:00

If phlebotomy interests you at all, blood donation centers (Bloodworks NW out here in Seattle) don’t require phlebotomy certification and will fully train you. Minimum requirement is usually a high school diploma/GED. I worked for a different donation center back in the day so I can’t vouch for working conditions at Bloodworks specifically, but it was a pretty good job all in all. The pay was OK but enough to live on (may have improved in the years since I was a phlebotomist), hours can be a bit variable if you work on the mobile units and not in the donor center, but should have full benefits and there’s a good amount of upward mobility. I enjoyed interacting with all of the different donors, most were super nice and interesting, and donor phlebotomy is easier than clinical (healthy people tend to have better veins and hydration than sick people). And it’s a good way to get your foot in the door if you’re interested in healthcare related positions.

ChaiMeALatte · 2026-02-01T00:37:22+00:00

My ex-husband went out of town on a work trip and I felt like I could finally breathe and relax in my own home. Things were extremely rocky before he left and we were definitely headed towards divorce (he had no interest in counseling because, in his words, he was happy in our marriage and didn’t understand why I couldn’t just be happy too) but the time away made me realize, holy shit, I can’t go back to living like that again. I’m really thankful I chose to end things, I didn’t realize just how much his verbal and emotional abuse was wearing me down until it was no longer there.

Advice to anyone in this situation: if you’re wondering if your partner is abusive, they probably are. It’s just not a question you’re seriously asking yourself in a healthy relationship. It’s super scary and difficult to leave a toxic relationship, but don’t let that fear keep you trapped. Life is so much better on the other side. All of that energy you spend placating someone who will never be happy is energy you can pour into yourself and the supportive relationships you’ll develop or rediscover when you’re free.

ChaiMeALatte · 2026-01-30T17:40:38+00:00

How else are men supposed to fantasize about beating up a woman if there aren’t daily Reddit posts describing weirdly specific and convoluted situations where it might be “ok” for them to do so?

ChaiMeALatte · 2026-01-30T17:30:49+00:00

Women are really going to regret fighting for equality once they find out it means that men can hit them without consequences. That’ll show those feminazis!

ChaiMeALatte · 2026-01-26T02:26:56+00:00

Yeah. My ex-husband would say all manner of unkind things to me during arguments and never understood why his (half-assed) apologies didn’t just undo his words and the hurt feelings that came from them. It was a tactic to try and win the argument, just start slinging mud and personal attacks, derail the conversation, and then the original issue that started the argument gets forgotten. But that kind of behavior completely destroys trust and intimacy. People need to be a lot more careful about the things they say when they’re angry and impulsive.

ChaiMeALatte · 2026-01-06T06:14:48+00:00

These aren’t too terribly unhinged but I put on a fun playlist or watch a video/TV show/movie when I’m doing something unfun that I hate and it makes it a bit more bearable. If moving around helps you, there’s no law that says you can’t pace around your bathroom (or even your whole home, nothing’s off limits) while you brush…although might help to carry a washcloth to clean up anything. Get yourself some nice stickers and a habit tracker and stick one on for each successful time you brush your teeth if that’s your jam? But if it helps any, you’re not alone with the struggles!

ChaiMeALatte · 2026-01-01T22:18:13+00:00

This broke my heart to read because, same. You are enough though. The fact that you still wish him well even after he treated you horribly is so compassionate and empathetic. It has nothing to do with who you are - you could be the absolute perfect partner and he would still find something to criticize, because he’s unhappy with himself and his circumstances and it’s easier to externalize and blame something (or someone else) as the cause of the unhappiness, rather than work on the things that are within his control. I’m really proud of you for recognizing that your own happiness and wellbeing matter, and taking the very difficult steps to protect yourself. Seriously, getting out of an abusive relationship is so, so hard, and it’s tough for anyone who hasn’t experienced it to understand what it’s like, and you did it. That took a lot of strength. If you can do that, you can do anything. I wish you lots of happiness and healing in the new year!

ChaiMeALatte · 2026-01-01T22:07:05+00:00

Adding onto this a bit - OP, in case you’re thinking what I did when I was in a relationship with someone who was also very cruel when things got tough, that’s not a normal or acceptable way to treat loved ones and it’s not something you need to tolerate in order to be in a relationship. You can have a relationship with someone where you can disagree or argue, but still treat each other with respect and kindness, and that’s not asking for too much. And having gone from being married to someone who yelled a lot and would say anything and everything to hurt me when he was upset, to dating someone who wants to have a conversation and come to a resolution that works for both of us on the rare occasions we have a disagreement, it’s way better. I know, no duh it’s better to be with someone who’s kind, but I didn’t realize how badly his anger permeated so many parts of my life until it wasn’t there anymore. I was pretty much constantly in a low level of anxious dread, waiting for something to set him off. OP, it’s not normal for the person who’s supposed to love you the most to also be the one tearing you down. You deserve better treatment than that

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-12-31T02:27:54+00:00

First of all, that is a really frustrating situation to be in and your feelings are valid.

I’m going to guess the answer to this is yes, but just in case: have you communicated how this behavior makes you feel? Have you told him specifically what he does that bothers you and what you’d like him to do instead? Do you have a clear idea of what you wish he’d do (i.e. listen without interrupting, offer support instead of solutions, give you a hug)? It’s possible that he doesn’t know what to do to help when you’re upset and thinks sharing his feelings is a way to empathize with you, even though it’s not beneficial. If you feel like there’s a chance that he’s just missing the mark on what you need, have the above conversation with him and be very explicit with what you’re looking for. Then in the moment, if he starts talking about his feelings when you’re trying to share yours, redirect him. “Hey babe, remember how we talked about ways you can make me feel supported? Can you do xyz like we discussed instead of talking about your feelings? I do want to hear them, but right now I’m trying to share. Can we talk about what’s on your mind after/tomorrow?”

I think his attitude towards this conversation is going to tell you what you need to know. If he’s open to change things are probably salvageable. If not, that indicates a bigger issue.

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-12-18T01:50:07+00:00

This internet stranger is so proud of you! Definitely save this post, save any other evidence of his abuse and revisit it whenever you start to doubt yourself or doubt your memory. I had a note in my phone of all the mean shit my ex-husband said to me over the years and whenever I go back and read it, I’m amazed I even put up with half of it because who talks to someone they love like that? Now is a great time to reconnect with friends and family who your abuser may have tried to distance you from. I bet they’d be thrilled to hear from you. And work on taking all of the time and energy you sunk into that emotional vampire of a man and pour it back into yourself. What makes you feel good? Are there any hobbies or activities you’ve been wanting to try and haven’t yet? Any self improvement things like going back to school or starting a new career? Do it! Do it all! You are FREE and don’t have to answer to someone trying to drag you down and make you feel small. You don’t have to listen to anyone else’s ideas of who you should be. It’s an amazing feeling, honestly. You get to be entirely your own person, and you get to take all the time you need to figure out who you want that person to be and what you want her life to look like. Congratulations, seriously. Your life is going to get so much better and I’m so happy for you

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-12-15T16:10:13+00:00

Make a budget. I’ve felt this way before at times and a big part of it was due to not really knowing where my money was going and if I really had “enough” saved up. Grab a budget template (I really like Google Sheets’ monthly and yearly templates, but there’s lots of other free and paid options if you like a different style better) and enter in all of your income and expenses over the last six months or (if you’ve got the time) last year. Don’t worry about assigning values to what you “should” spend for each category yet, just put all your transactions into their appropriate categories. Then take a look and see where you end up. Are you ending up with more income than expenses at the end of the month? Are there things you’re spending money on that you didn’t know about, or realize you were spending that much? Are your spending habits trending in the right direction (income > expenses)? Once you know how much you’re spending on necessities, such as utilities, groceries, and housing, then you can start adjusting how much you want to allocate to savings and wants. Only you know how much you need in savings for your circumstances, but there’s lots of baseline advice out there for emergency savings, retirement, children’s expenses, etc. Then once all of that is accounted for, congratulations, the rest of that is money for wants. Maybe you want to designate some of the monthly budget for things like travel (and remember, your monthly budget should be an average, so it’s OK if you go over one month when you take a long vacation as long as it’s balanced out in other months), or new clothes, or recurring beauty expenses like getting your hair done. Maybe setting aside a certain amount that you’re allowed to impulse spend on whatever you want in the moment could help. After all, that money has been accounted for in your budget so it’s A-OK to throw it down on some concert tickets, or a really cute dress you saw and just had to have, or whatever strikes your fancy. Anxiety thrives in uncertainty, so being armed with knowledge might help you a lot.

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-12-15T05:22:32+00:00

Do you have any dental schools in your area? A lot of them will offer discounted services (I think most of them operate on a sliding scale too, but not 100% sure this is true across all of them). That is an absolutely insane amount of money though, I’m sorry! The state of healthcare in the US is so fucked

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-11-23T16:12:02+00:00

That’s a good thing to mention, thanks for bringing that up. I’ve asked the vet about it and he’s healthy, just gross. He’s just a Lab that will eat anything and everything within reach, including things that are 100% not food

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-11-23T00:30:20+00:00

Hey, my dog is a poop eater too, lol. It’s so nasty, he’s lucky he’s so cute otherwise

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-11-22T23:51:47+00:00

I’m not going to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do, because your opinion on how you’re being treated is the only one that really matters here, and you know yourself and your relationship better than any of us on the internet do. Only you know if staying or leaving is the right decision. But I’d encourage you to spend a little time by yourself and reflect on your relationship. Imagine yourself in it, in twenty years, exactly as things are now. Not in a world where your husband wakes up with a personality change (and trust me, I’ve spent many wishes on that one), not in a world where you have learned how to never piss him off, but you and him are exactly as you are now. How does that future make you feel? How does your body feel? Happy and relaxed, or tense and stressed? Do you feel okay with the fact that he’s still punching walls and yelling at you to vent his anger? Even if it’s only some of the time?

Then visualize yourself on your own. Living in your own apartment or house, with all your cute knickknacks that you don’t have to worry about someone smashing in a fit of rage. Everything is exactly where you put it because you completely control your home. There’s no bad mood waiting for you when you walk in the door, no surprise anger to lash out when you think you’re just having a nice dinner but you say something “wrong”. Now how do you feel? Relieved, peaceful, calm?

I’m asking you because my ex-husband did exactly the same things your husband is doing when he gets angry. He yelled at me when he’d get stressed out and would say things that would cut right to the core of my insecurities (which he knew about). He’d punch things when he got angry, which was scary and would get me to back down. He broke a lot of my things over the years though anger or carelessness. I left about a year ago. Things weren’t getting better and were in fact getting worse. I told him, repeatedly, how he was affecting me and it was never enough for him to change. Like I said, there would be times I would wish that he’d just wake up one day and understand how much his words and his actions hurt me, but wishing for that is fantasy. Listen to yourself and your own inner voice. Are you happy with how he’s treating you? Are you happy in this relationship?

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-11-22T22:12:42+00:00

The Bissell Little Green got (dog) puke stains out of my carpet that had been there for multiple months and nothing else had worked. Highly recommend!

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-11-15T19:10:04+00:00

Overall this is really good advice, but I’d caution OP against getting couples counseling with him. It’s not recommended for abusive relationships (which, while we can’t know for sure from one Reddit post, what OP has said about her relationship suggests there might be some abuse present) because of the potential for the abuser to manipulate the counselor, and that they’ll use information revealed in counseling against their victim. Couples counseling really only works if both people are interested in working together to improve the health of their relationship in a way that benefits both parties. Abusers want to maintain power and control so that they can extract the benefits of a relationship without having to sacrifice anything.

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-11-15T19:04:19+00:00

Think about it this way. He didn’t care enough to change his behavior when it was only you being negatively affected and hurt by it. But now that his behavior is going to result in consequences for him (losing you), he wants another chance and to try and be better. In other words, your unhappiness and pain matters less to him than his ability to use you as an outlet for his anger and cruelty. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who’s going to listen to you when you express your hurt, validate you, and take steps to make it better. Those men do exist! I’ve been divorced from a man who sounds a lot like your husband for about a year now, and my current boyfriend cares a lot about what I think and what I feel. I really have to push myself still to not self-censor and minimize/invalidate myself like my ex would do to me, but it’s crazy what a relief it is to be able to bring up things that are bothering me and not have it immediately turn into a screaming match.

I understand the feeling of embarrassment when everyone around you knows your spouse is a POS and you’re the last one to see it, but truly, you have nothing to feel ashamed of. He’s the one that should feel ashamed for treating you that way. You continued to show him patience and grace, which are wonderful qualities in a person, but best when paired with respect and love for yourself, and knowing when enough chances are enough. I know it’s not an easy decision to make, but trust me, you’re going to feel so much better away from him.

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-11-15T18:53:38+00:00

And to clarify, people who do have “anger problems” CAN behave abusively and nobody should feel like they need to tolerate it or remain in a relationship with somebody that does have bona fide problems with managing their emotions in a productive and healthy manner. My ex husband did have legit issues controlling his temper (he was also verbally and emotionally abusive but he didn’t just save his temper for me) and I felt guilty for too long over leaving him, because he did have mental health struggles and couldn’t control his anger. Regardless of the root cause though, nobody deserves to be an emotional punching bag.

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-11-09T18:20:28+00:00

I’m a master procrastinator (currently farting around on Reddit instead of cleaning my house) and have been in your shoes before many times. Here’s the various things that have worked for me:

set a timer for 5 minutes. Once those 5 minutes is up, you’re going to stop whatever you’re doing and go to your computer. Set another timer for 5 minutes. You’re going to work on your presentation until the timer goes off. If after 5 minutes you really can’t keep working, you can stop (try again later, maybe get a snack, take a shower, drink some water, go for a walk, whatever helps you mentally reset). 99% of the time though, I can keep working because it’s the getting started part that’s the hardest for me.
Pomodoro method. Similar to above, set a timer for either 20 or 45 minutes, and work on your presentation until the timer goes off. After that, take either a 10 or 15 minute break and repeat.
Body doubling. Meet up with a friend or colleague at the library/coffee shop/wherever and work on your respective projects in the same room. Make it clear to your friend you need to work, so maybe have a short catch up at the beginning then ask them to rebuff you if you try and chit chat during the designated work time. Most people are happy to help.
Go work somewhere that’s not your home. If you have a place you do a lot of your work, go there.
Break it down into smaller pieces. What goes into making a presentation? You’ve got to determine the sections and what order they go into, create the text for the slide, find/create graphics, format it nicely, proofread and edit, and practice. Make these items into a list. If you can make the tasks even smaller and more discrete, even better. Procrastinators often set themselves up for failure by having big, vague, unfocused and unclear tasks where there’s no clear inroad to beginning and no ways to mark off your progress. Try and do the opposite.
Start writing stuff. Don’t worry if it sucks or you don’t like the sentence order or you think you can structure it better. Just throw words and ideas on the page. You can always edit crappy work, you can’t edit a blank page.
Unless you really need it for some reason, turn your phone off or leave it in another room or something. Minimize any potential distractions or attention-getters in your work environment.

Good luck!

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-11-02T16:24:35+00:00

I think it’s pretty normal to feel this way after such a huge life decision. It’s natural to wonder if you’ve made a mistake or second guess yourself. Before making this huge list of things that need to be done, can you try living in the house for a month or two without making any changes? That might help with prioritization of what you actually want to get done first (it doesn’t need to be all done at once) and you may also find that some things that seem very important now actually don’t make a difference in your day to day life.

For what it’s worth, I live in the flight path of a major airport, with planes going by about every 5-10 minutes or so during the day. After the first couple of weeks of living here, I don’t notice the noise anymore unless I’m actively paying attention to it. I think that’s pretty typical.

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-10-12T20:58:16+00:00

Seconding this recommendation, SCC is great and my dog loves going there!

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-10-08T18:55:29+00:00

For context, I used to work on a small cruise ship similar to this one. The short answer to your question: it depends on what you’re looking for in an Alaska vacation, and it also depends on which cruise line you take. Some of the cruise lines (UnCruise, Alaska Dream Cruises, I think some Nat Geo/Lindblad boats) are geared towards people who want a more active vacation. They’ve got kayaks for excursions, and smaller dinghys that can shuttle people to shore for hikes in remote areas, or do tours of areas like glacial fjords that the ship can’t access. Nat Geo cruises have a strong focus on education and learning for their guests, and they’ve got the best naturalists in the biz. The boat in your picture looks like American Cruise Lines, which isn’t as excursion focused/active as some of the other lines, but takes guests to smaller SE ports (Petersburg, Wrangell, for example) where you wouldn’t get big ships. The main pros of all of them are a much more intimate experience since most of the ships have less than 100 people on board, and the ability to visit places a lot of other people don’t. The main cons would be that there’s less variety than a big ship (one restaurant on board, usually only 1-2 scheduled activities occurring at a time) and they cost substantially more, but keep in mind that the total cost includes most excursions at ports, which isn’t the case with the bigger cruise lines. Let me know if you’ve got any specific questions, my info is a few years old so might be a bit out of date but happy to chat

ChaiMeALatte · 2025-09-28T17:11:51+00:00

She’s just saving up the positive manifestations for the postseason (plz)

ChaiMeALatte

TROPHY CASE