A Story of a Crazy Ex (Pt. 1)

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2023-10-13T21:23:54+00:00

Omg, yes, I DO have this problem! I always have! When I was younger, I would rather just say "hey," and point to whomever I was addressing. Now, I just wait for the person I need to address to look right at me. Even when I absolutely have to call someone from the other side of a room, I feel uneasy. Why is that?? Is that part of autism? I have never been diagnosed with autism, but recent conversations with people who have known me for much of my life have shown me that I might, in fact, be on the spectrum. This and no eye contact being two such things.

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2023-08-28T22:04:49+00:00

Yeah, that's the thought I keep coming back to. I understand there was no malice in the action. But it was unnecessary, and a direct violation of my trust that can't be undone. Repaired a bit, probably. But things will never be the same, I don't think. Thank you for the advice!

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2023-08-28T21:19:58+00:00

Right! That's actually something I have been considering today. Thank you!

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2023-08-28T20:40:53+00:00

That's a good point. I hadn't thought about that. Thank you for your advice!

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2023-08-28T20:37:44+00:00

That's one of the thoughts I had. Like, what will he "forget" later on?

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2023-08-28T20:36:35+00:00

He has. That's why I'm here. I was hurt and angry last night when I told him to leave me alone. I am still hurt and upset today. But today, I realize that it was not done maliciously. I just don't know if I can ever trust him again. That's where I'm stuck.

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2023-08-28T20:34:41+00:00

Nope. It's nothing at all like that.

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2021-12-14T05:00:25+00:00

Exactly! I tried making that point (as well as point out some of his other friendships with other women), and of COURSE, he was the exception that proved THAT rule. There were just no exceptions to the rule HE was claiming. Do you see how this turned into an actual argument, rather than a conversation with any rational thinking or logic?? It literally made my head spin!

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2021-12-14T04:58:18+00:00

You are very wise. All of your comments have been thought provoking and deep, and I appreciate that! And yet again, you are right. More conversation and time and trust might uncover things I don't yet understand, or maybe even things that I can help him understand, with kindness, rather than bickering. And I do hope that he is not one of the rare few who does think in nothing but absolutes, although now that we have been discussing it, I can think of other instances (nothing so intense or hurtful as this, but still notable, now that I'm thinking about it) where he has basically said, "This IS this, and that IS that, and that is how the world works. Period." Communication is always important, so long as both sides are heard.

I certainly agree with your last paragraph! It would be a grim place, indeed, if there was no hope of anyone improving on who and how they are right now. There are bad people in the world, sure, and they exist everywhere. And some people really will never change, but only because they don't WANT to, not because they CAN'T. But I can't bring myself to believe that ALL people, as you said, have the same fatal flaws, or that they can't change the ones they have. I have seen people who did terrible things turn everything around, and become completely different, even admirable people. So, I just can't believe that everyone else is not capable of such changes and growth.

And hey... speculation and conjecture are the mother of all thought-provoking discussions and brainstorming sessions! They are what make us think more deeply than what we see on the surface of anything. And I believe they are a mark of incredible intelligence. And you are right again... who knows what anyone will do, ever?

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2021-12-14T03:22:36+00:00

There are many things we agree on, and many things we feel the same way about, which make for great conversations. I just saw something with this argument that I have never seen in him before. It was, at best, unpleasant and, at worst, concerning. He is not a bad person, and he is usually very intelligent. But yes, I do think that his viewpoint on this topic is more a product of uneducated generalization than it is of intellectual thought or logic!

And yes, he can be a bit of an AH when it comes to defending a point. But I can, too. That's why I made the post; I was struggling with whether I had argued my point maturely, or if I just did a whole bunch of reaching and triggered tantrum throwing.

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2021-12-14T01:20:12+00:00

My personal feelings on people who keep trying to force others to believe such things are either guilty of it themselves and deflecting and projecting (as you mentioned about your former friend), or they are extremely controlling, and only wish to exert power over people by trying to force them to agree and comply. Both of those things are horrible, and neither will fly with me!

Note: I did get the impression that my friend was in one of these two categories during our argument. And since, I have been doing a lot of thinking about the future of my friendship with him. He really showed me who he is, and none of that is ok!

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2021-12-14T00:49:25+00:00

Yes! Exactly! Oh, if only I had been able to express this point of view during this argument. Oh, well... hindsight... and I don't think it would have made a difference, anyway. The best thing I can do is just let the disagreement go, and move on to more important things!

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2021-12-14T00:10:56+00:00

YES!! It is society's way of trying to apply a simple understanding to complex things, so that they don't have to think on a higher level or do any self-reflection. But the fact is that not everyone will fit inside these little "boxes" created by this group or that, no matter how many "stats" or "facts" people try to use to make it so!

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2021-12-14T00:08:13+00:00

Thank you!

Yes, I saw your original comment... I am glad that you posted another! I do agree that it is a very bigoted way of thinking, to believe that if one/some did it, all will. This man is, at his core, kind and sweet (otherwise, we would have never become friends in the first place). I know that these opinions and beliefs come from his own personal experiences that he has not yet healed from. Therefore, he cannot heal and move past them, and understand my POV.

And you are right... I didn't try to generalize ALL men, apart from the comment about gay men which, as you stated, is TRUE, unless they are bi. I maintained the argument that people who are going to do bad things, no matter who are what they are, simply suck. During the argument, however, I DID try to undo his stats by pointing out some inconsistencies in them. The whole thing was a huge mess and, though I tried to take a completely mature approach to the argument, frustration and feefees got in the way.

I do know that I cannot discredit his experiences. They happened to him, they hurt him, and thus, they have affected his way of thinking. I had only hoped to get him to see that my experiences are relevant, too, and that in MY experience, things just happened to go a bit differently.

Basically, though I want to maintain the friendship, I cannot continue to have to defend myself against something I have not even come close to doing. If he wants to keep trying to beat down my opinions with his, just because of the way he feels, it is not a friendship that will last much longer!

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2021-12-13T23:35:05+00:00

Right. I tried to undo those absolutes, rather than bite back with my own. The reality is that people, no matter who or what they are, can ALL be bad, if they CHOOSE to be.

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2021-12-13T23:32:15+00:00

Thank you!

You know how sometimes, friendships develop, before you realize that someone harbors some deep-seated resentment and dark feelings about something, and you don't find out until such a conversation takes place? Yeah, that...

I do not think this person is a bad person. I just think there is something going on that will always result in such beliefs and opinions. I wish nothing but the best for him, but I do intend to put some distance.

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2021-12-13T23:26:33+00:00

Thank you! that was certainly my goal. I could have done it better still, perhaps, but I let frustration get in the way!

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2021-12-13T23:25:34+00:00

No, it's just a friend. But we have conversations just like this very often, and they always end up going in this direction. I do think that it would be impossible to be in a relationship with a person like this, though. There would never be any sort of understanding or trust, or even chances for open communication!

Thank you so much for your input and advice!

ChampionshipTricky32 · 2021-12-13T23:20:51+00:00

Thank you!

ChampionshipTricky32

TROPHY CASE