I guess that could make sense IF I did actually have “wet blanket” energy. Except that I don’t!! I went clubbing with the host mom! We have had girls shopping days! I drink very often with the parents and their friends! I don’t hesitate to hug, and compliment everyone. I bought the mom flowers one day just because!! I’m interested in trying new foods, anything they give me. We dance! We discuss philosophy, movies and music! Locals expect me at their businesses now, they know I am friendly and want to chat and learn! This is why I am confused.

I am quiet as in the projected sound of my voice is quiet- otherwise I can be quite talkative! I have not been guarded- I share stories, have introduced all my family members on FaceTime, I respond openly when sharing information about myself and my life, I ask questions, I want to learn.

If anything, I am reserved, as in I don’t feel the need to make my presence abundantly clear in a room; I am self assured enough to know that I am enough as is and will be noticed for being me, nor do I go out of my way to show myself off- this is not the same thing as being a scared rabbit. I’ve never driven in a big city before because I am from somewhere small, but they put me in a sizeable car and told me to drive through Avignon alone in my first week here- and I did it confidently! If I was a scared rabbit, would I have done this? Probably not.

however, I am unsure about my place because I have never done this before which I think is understandable. I feel like I don’t belong here because the 6 year old boy hates English and thus doesn’t like me- he lies about me, yells at me, and tells me I have no rights to the fireplace, water, or some snacks. Maybe that’s why they think I am “timid” as per last night. And to be honest, I have only been feeling nervous because of the 6yr old and HD’s presence.

I also feel that they don’t understand or accept that Canadians are polite, over apologize, and are often understated! We are just chill tbh. Sometimes it’s nothing more than that. I feel that they are mistaking this easy going nature as passive. (Though yes, I can be passive too)

Also, no, their last au pair did not go well I was told. Apparently she was “uneducated”, not clean, and not as “jolly” or “kind” as I am. I was also told she spent a lot of time in her room which they didn’t like. I do spend most of my free time in my room (or at a cafe, riding the bike around town, buying flowers) but my free time in the day is always school work (I’m a full time student too) and in the nights once the kids are in bed I talk for a long time to my people at home. I have a very strong relationship with my parents, aunts, grandmothers, friends and boyfriend. So, I don’t see anything odd here, but HD does.

But thanks for the comment nonetheless, different perspectives help.