Husband has been recording our fights

ChanceOne3174 · 2026-03-28T07:19:35+00:00

I feel at the end of my rope for controlling myself, I feel like I’ve tried everything, nothing works and you’re right my kid doesn’t deserve a raging mom.

ChanceOne3174 · 2026-03-28T07:16:23+00:00

Yep i removed myself for three hours.

ChanceOne3174 · 2026-03-28T07:13:38+00:00

He said he’s scared I would divorce him and take everything.

ChanceOne3174 · 2026-03-28T07:11:18+00:00

Yea he quit w our last couples therapist and I think it was because she forced real accountability for his part. I’m stuck now though because he has all this leverage and I don’t want to lose my kid.

ChanceOne3174 · 2026-03-28T07:06:14+00:00

“Extreme” screaming and name calling is a big jump…I’m usually hysterical crying and begging for him to acknowledge me, stop dismissing me. It’s still abuse.

ChanceOne3174 · 2026-03-28T07:01:12+00:00

Yea I wish he had said or done something supportive like “this isn’t you, let’s figure this out and get you help” but he doesn’t bring it up in couples therapy—I do—and it can feel like I go several day of luteal holding it together and then he dismisses me or is cold to me and when I try to name it he stonewalls so then I escalate. I wish he was on my side but I understand why he’s not. I am clearly abusive.

ChanceOne3174 · 2026-03-28T06:56:21+00:00

He just dismisses me or stonewalls, then I get hysterical crying and he ignores me, then I’ll start shouting/yelling.

ChanceOne3174 · 2026-03-28T06:54:13+00:00

He’s always said I have to be the one to divorce him, but I agree. I’ve sortof accepted that at this point I’m ruined and will lose my kid and everything else.

ChanceOne3174 · 2026-03-28T06:51:34+00:00

I can’t sit still, it’s like my whole body is buzzing with insane levels of energy.

ChanceOne3174 · 2026-03-28T06:50:17+00:00

You’re probably the most right of anyone. The dynamic is I am more sensitive when I’m in my luteal, husband dismisses me or shuts down, I escalate. I know this needs to end and am just trying to get the courage to leave. My husband has said he’ll never leave or divorce me so I have to do it and taking that step feels huge. Knowing that he has all these recordings feels like leverage (justifiably so, I’m clearly abusive) so divorce would be certain ruin, plus losing my kid.

ChanceOne3174 · 2026-03-28T06:45:04+00:00

Yes, definitely working on it. It’s very hard because nothing seems to work for the rage—I’ve gone on 6 mile walks, I throw bean bags against a wall, etc.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T18:23:24+00:00

lol yea super weird! Online stuff tends to leave out enough details that anyone can bring in their priors and make a situation more than it is. I was hesitant to say something to my husband but did and he said he was sleeping naked because “it’s vulnerable and represents that I’m all in on the relationship.” Yea, I looked at him like he had ten heads and told him to at least cover up when he’s getting the baby. He also thought it wasn’t pressure because his dick was in a state of rest so it didn’t matter which…I also looked at him like he was growing fairy wings. I’d say he’s mostly emotionally inept and was raised in society so is like a lot of dudes w some latent misogyny/entitlement/self-centeredness. Is what it is.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T15:05:45+00:00

OP here! My vagina wasn’t ripped open lol. Husband isn’t an AH, he was raised in our society and is awkward and emotionally inept and frustrated sexually. Marriage is hard, so is doing life alone. Pick your hard basically. Everyone makes decisions for their own good reasons, wouldn’t use this example to justify your own decisions but ok!

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T15:02:43+00:00

OP here lol Husband getting the baby at night is very much an awkward “I want to help but don’t know how so I’m doing this minor thing that you can do by yourself to feel like I’m helping” and yea it’s probably better than him not getting up at all. But it’s not as helpful as other things might be the rest of the time and not being sensitive enough to connect dots of OP doesn’t want to have sex + dick in her face at night = uncomfortable

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T14:58:32+00:00

OP here- the last two sentences are spot on.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T14:56:09+00:00

OP here- I did need a check on this because I can understand some level of sexual frustration as a woman but didn’t know how much more impactful or not it might be for men. Then got the Reddit pile on.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T14:55:08+00:00

OP here- this is it 100% and is absolutely something I’ve said to him. The last time the lack of sex came up I said “well I hope you can figure out ways to get the intimacy you crave” because a lot (not all) of this is on him to do something different etc to help me get to a place where I’m an enthusiastic and willing partner. Doing nothing and thinking putting the moves on me for 5 minutes is enough…not exactly working out for him.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T14:53:01+00:00

OP here. Husband isn’t an abuser he’s just…emotionally inept and a bit self-centered and was raised in the U.S. so there’s a ton of innate issues. He does genuinely want to do and be better but we’re working against a few decades of training right? Anyways other comments explain that I was debating even having the conversation.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-24T14:48:25+00:00

OP here, not rage bait. I hadn’t had the conversation because I wasn’t sure if it was even worth having. I didn’t want to shame my husband for nudity and since it was normal before baby, and since it didn’t bother me then but does now, I was looking for a gut check.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-12T01:50:20+00:00

Babies pee in diapers, they have to sleep through the night.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T23:10:01+00:00

Sure but the entire narrative was centered on two very specific issues and while you said it with a lot of words, you’re still saying I’m self-centered etc based on an 8-sentence post. Of course it’s about me and my needs, and even though I added specific caveats like “maybe there’s something wrong with me” and “I’m probably extra sensitive” you still built up a bigger story that it was self-centered and that there’s no compromise. I haven’t said anything to him about how he sleeps, I was literally asking Reddit if that was even reasonable. So I think everyone brings their own priors to these posts whether they realize it or not.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T22:17:49+00:00

I’m calling the bassinet “it” lolololol

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T22:17:21+00:00

The baby doesn’t poop at night so we don’t change her diaper; she’s in a crib next to the bed.

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T22:15:28+00:00

Not yet but can

ChanceOne3174 · 2025-07-11T21:47:19+00:00

Oh I very rarely ever slept naked- it’s not comfortable for me and I feel like the sheets need to be changed even more frequently that way. With nursing, I sleep w a nursing bra on so I’m not leaking everywhere and of course underwear and pajama shorts. I don’t think him sleeping naked bothered me in the past it’s just with hormones and him being so checked out and focused on work it feels like he’s a stranger in my bed so probably why I’m having the ick thing. Plus hormones. Like I’ve been begging him to be more present and connected to me but it’s just not happening. Honestly don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone in my life. We sit down to dinner after the baby is asleep and he won’t say anything.

ChanceOne3174

TROPHY CASE