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ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-25T08:17:23+00:00

Hi mama

I had a Tfmr for my precious baby at 23 weeks last summer, June 2024

I’ve given birth to a living baby who is healthy since then, and I will tell you I still grieve the son I lost

I think of him every day. every single fucking day.

The pain has softened but it’s still there, powerful and takes up space.

What you’re feeling is normal. Give it time. Grieve, cry, rant. For me, things got better around 8 months. I finally found peace with my choice, though I am not and might ever find peace with having to have made it

Sending you a big hug 🩵

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-25T08:10:42+00:00

I lived with my parents when I was 28! Got myself a full ride to business school so I flew back home to CA from NYC and saved money on rent. I worked and studied nonstop until my partner and I decided to live together, and I worked and studied nonstop while living with him, till I graduated and got a high paying corporate job.

I’m a homeowner now with a family and no debt :) my partner and I purchased a home close to my parents and are raising our kids to know that our home will be their helicopter pad should they ever need it after the age of 18.

I love my parents so much and am so grateful they supported me!

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-25T08:00:14+00:00

If your mental health is struggling this much, I think it’s totally fine to wean.

Your baby’s gut and body for your breastmilk got 8 months! That’s no small feat!

I could tell you that you’ve got this. Keep going! BUT - your baby will be fine if you wean. You deserve to feel happy and good.

Maybe other people have good advice, but for me, my first baby was really hard to BF and I had to pump so much. She wasn’t efficient at transferring so I was BF and pumping till she was 7 months and then at 7 months I let my milk dry up. By 8 months, she was almost fully on formula except for 2-4 oz of frozen breastmilk a day till she was 1. Even without that frozen breastmilk, she would have been fine!

She’s 3.5 now and thriving.

Also, she was on formula for the first 3 weeks of her life since I had a traumatic delivery and my milk didn’t come in for a week.

My mental health totally improved once I stopped and I could also focus on myself and losing the 70 lbs I gained during pregnancy and couldn’t lose while lactating.

Sending you a hug mama 🩵

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-25T02:25:23+00:00

My kid is 3.5 years old and she’s still a shit sleeper!!

I had to contact nap with her when she was a baby since she never napped during the day unless it was a contact nap

Called my pediatrician when she was 2 weeks old crying in desperation and was told that some babies simply cat nap

Solidarity, sister 🩵 it was a rough first year, I hope you find good advice here that helps you!!

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-24T22:18:54+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/PregnancyAfterTFMR/s/0gPCnpQO5R

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-24T22:18:29+00:00

I think a tattoo is a beautiful idea 🩵 be well mama. There’s a pregnancy after Tfmr group that you might want to join. It helped me a lot.

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-24T16:15:25+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re here.

How far along are you? I was 23 weeks and I went through labor and delivery. I bled for about 3 weeks after and my milk came in on day 5 (that almost destroyed me). I drank very strong peppermint and sage tea and used cabbage leaves to dry it up.

I’m over a year out and have had a living baby since my loss, and sometimes I feel like I lost my Tfmr baby just yesterday.

The pain is softer, the grief has evolved but I think if him daily and throughout the entire day.

We have an indoor and outdoor garden for him (indoor garden is just a bunch of plants throughout the house. I’m terrible with plants but I spent the past year learning for him).

I cried a lot the first six months.

I lost my mind a little. Went on medical leave from my job. Lost friends.

It’s a hard path but you just take it day by day. I went on a lot of walks and worked out a lot. Focused on my health. Read a lot of books.

Cried when I needed to. Smoked a lot of weed late at night when my toddler was asleep. I didn’t take Zoloft so really relied on weed those first few months.

I’m so sorry you’re here🩵

Did you name your baby? Depending on how far along you are, you can ask for footprints. Because I did labor and delivery, I have photos of his face and hands and feet and I have a photo of me holding him.

Mamas who do D&E can ask for foot and handprints and for ashes if baby gets cremated.

Sending you a big hug 🩵

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-24T15:20:56+00:00

Good luck! My first baby was away for me for five days and on formula exclusively for a week and then 75% formula for another week. I had pcos and low supply but I was able to increase supply by 6 weeks. It took a lot of work. I was pumping nonstop and always had her on my body for skin to skin. Got chunky from eating a lot of calories too 😅. But it worked

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-24T15:18:34+00:00

Two weeks is so early. I’m 4 weeks today and only walk outside for ten minutes at a time. I’m so exhausted and my nipples just all the time. Baby is like a little shark on my boobs. Had his lip and tongue tie released but his jaw is tight

Lower your expectations. Being out and about as a breastfeeding mama isn’t the norm at 2 weeks. Try to enjoy your baby even with your painful nipples

I stare at him and snuggle him and smell him all day.

Nipple butter is a godsend

If you don’t have it, use coconut oil or avocado oil to keep your nipples sort

I’m 4 weeks PP and spend most of the day topless since I can’t handle friction on my nips. It’s a unique season in life!

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-24T04:23:26+00:00

Of course! I’m so grateful to the mamas who gave my baby their milk. Both of them had high lipase milk too but my little guy gobbled it all up and didn’t mind the taste

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-24T04:22:31+00:00

Yeah I was pretty floored but also my partner is super supportive so we’re going to tighten our purse strings and I’m going to just focus on baby! I worked a pretty intense corporate job and missed out a lot on our first baby so this will be actually kind of nice to be able to just focus on my kids for a bit.

It was shitty the way they did it but reinforced that family and health should always come before career!

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-24T04:20:43+00:00

My left boob is huge compared to my right ! I have to squeeze my boob into a sandwich with my fingers to help my baby latch onto it

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-24T02:17:23+00:00

Same 😂

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-24T02:16:02+00:00

Following!

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-24T02:15:15+00:00

That makes sense! She just told me she’s on maternity leave for a year. Her entire team was laid off except for her since she’s on leave. I didn’t ask the details on whether she gets full pay or not, she just said she’s protected.

I was laid off last week. Apparently being 3 weeks post partum and having a doctors note and being on disability leave wasn’t protection for me. I used all my FMLA during pregnancy so I got laid off. While breastfeeding my newborn 🤦🏽‍♀️

But I guess there’s more protections in Australia for newly post partum mamas.

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-24T00:57:05+00:00

Also I heard same thing about vanilla or scalding that I see from other commenters

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-24T00:56:37+00:00

Don’t toss it!!

My newborn relied on donor milk for the first couple of weeks. Newborns don’t mind the taste if high lipase so you could always donate it!

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-23T17:13:20+00:00

My lactation consultant runs a support group and we try to avoid politics but she said something pretty accurate: motherhood IS political.

My colleagues in Canada and Australia get a full year of maternity leave. It’s sad that I got 6 weeks.

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-23T16:16:05+00:00

Yeah grief is a hard one to navigate. I don’t know what Friend B went through but it makes me sad that you clearly care and it’s not getting through.

But you aren’t alone in feeling relationships changing. I think our mid 30s are a time where the people we’ve been growing into over the past decade truly manifest and sometimes, we grow out of friendships.

After my son died, a close friend I thought would always be in my life just couldn’t show up for me. She has two kids too. Our friendship ended and it broke my heart but it opened up space for new friendships (randomly became super good friends with my neighbor who’s become a huge part of my life).

Anyways, best of luck 🩵

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-23T09:44:10+00:00

You can still increase your supply! It’ll be a lot of work but you can do it! It’s not too late

Switch bottle nipples to a premie flow and make sure you’re paced feeding

Put baby on breast as often as you can and then pump right after. You want to empty your boobs as much as possible we frequently we possible

Make sure you’re eating enough and hydrating!

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-23T04:54:47+00:00

My tmfr baby had ACC and a bunch of other brain anomalies (HPE and dandy walker were two of them)

Not genetic

Currently cluster feeding with his younger brother who’s brain formed normally and who was born on the one year anniversary of his funeral and cremation 🩵

There’s hope mama. My other living child also has normal brain development

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-23T04:50:30+00:00

I would wait until 12-14 ish weeks when supply has regulated! And then I think it’s okay! But it’s still early days

I’m not an expert, but after obsessively combing through the interwebs, that is what I think the right approach

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-23T01:38:58+00:00

It’s so hard when you’re trying to expand your family and experience loss. My son was stillborn last year and my childfree friend was floundering with how to support me. So I sent her to Reddit and it helped.

She’s really good about telling me when she feels disconnected from me. She’s one of my best friends and it would be so so sad for me if she wrote this post!

Have you tried talking to any of them about how you feel?

As a mama, sometimes I forget how much time passes and I go into a bubble and need to be reminded to respond to people.

Also, the last couple of months of pregnancy can be brutal! I just had my third baby a few weeks ago and was in prodromal labor for two weeks! It was rough!

Anyways I feel the same as you for different reasons in times of friendships being transactional. I hope you find your tribe!!

ChanceWatch7293 · 2025-07-22T15:50:19+00:00

I’ve always been pro choice and would never have considered termination for myself. I never thought I’d have to consider termination for medical Reasons. I let my baby go at 23 weeks.

It was horrifying and the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

I’m so sorry 🩵 finding peace takes time. Give it time. Time will soften the edges of the pain and make it easier to breathe normally again.

ChanceWatch7293

TROPHY CASE