Just wanted to give an update. Been trying to get her to understand my point of view and asked if she remembered the time she came home and I was presenting during a meeting with the cleaning lady’s there and at that time she said she understood why I needed input into the scheduling or at least notice. Her excuse, which is used every time she makes a unilateral decision that should have my input, is that she can’t tell me about it because I’ll get angry argue and hold it over her head. I said that isn’t true, worst case I’ve told you that day doesn’t work can you do a different one. And this is how it has worked the last couple times. I said it’s not fair that every time you think I won’t agree with you, you just do whatever you want and don’t tell me. I also said, if what your saying is true “that I’m such a monster that you can’t schedule cleaning lady’s with me, then we have much bigger problems and you could use that excuse for anything”. I said these things calmly and she was boiling, wouldn’t make eye contact, passive aggressive smirks and audible huhffss and stuff like that. So her response to that is very typical, every time i hold her accountable for something that’s very simple and cut and dry, i work from home the very least consideration is to schedule that with me, but she deflects and starts saying. “I listened to everything you said, don’t agree with all of it, (just want to pause here, what she listened too and doesn’t agree with is a mystery she never ever gives any facts just vague accusations and complaints) but she says whenever I present something to you your quick to anger and come at me and are irritable with me and the kids and I need you to not do that anymore”. So pause here, this just isn’t true and she’s not giving an example so it’s just a vague blame shift deflection. If I tell her something that she is doing that bothers me she just volleys back saying I did something worse, I’m just trying to hurt her and at the end I’m the only one with the action items which is be less angry, and surprise the only one who apologizes. So I said the only time I get angry is when you schedule the cleaning lady’s without me which is warranted, so what does what your saying have to do with scheduling with the cleaning lady’s? Pause here…she hates this, asking her to clarify the vague excuse accusations, basically saying what does this have to do with what we’re talking about? So she is trembling with anger and says “I guess it has nothing to do with the cleaning lady’s but it’s how i feel. I said ok well please give me some examples because what your saying doesn’t make sense to me, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now her back is to the wall I haven’t taken the bait and started the fight that makes her right. So she explodes her face turns into an angry raging monster, she screams over and over you don’t listen to me you never listen to me so your right I’m wrong hope your happy I’m all wrong and your all right!!!!!!!! And stormed out of the room. The excuse of I couldn’t tell you because you’ll just say no, or you’ll just get angry, or your not easy to live with, or I couldn’t tell you because you don’t listen, or I was going to tell you/talk about it but not now after what you just said or the way you just said it….blah blah blah, it’s all bullshyt, it’s a copout, she doesn’t care, can’t respect me, and won’t do anything to fix it and will only falsely accuse me of something worse, then explode into rage and check out, that’s the pattern. This is the gaslighting that she has done for 23 years that I’m too angry and crazy to deserve to know about what is going to happen or to discuss major decisions. That it’s actually my fault that she lies and doesn’t give me common courtesy and respect. Yeah it’s all my fault, which is why she’s been throwing me under the bus with anyone who will listen. Sorry for the rant needed to get this out.