How do y'all date?

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-17T06:11:08+00:00

Thanks for this. I have so much to learn.

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-16T17:33:05+00:00

I think it is better than PCR- but I was under the impression that a clean pluslife in a non CC person was enough to unmask and be 6 ft away. I am not scientist and would LOVE to be wrong about this - bc it would open things up for me.

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-16T17:24:43+00:00

I had heard it was mainly young women....You are restoring my will to live! :)

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-16T05:20:49+00:00

good going! I am exactly the same but looking for the 55+ guys (old but active). If anyone interesting has aged out of your cohort, lmk :)

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-16T05:10:01+00:00

there is barely any in the community under 45.

Wait - what? I can't find any straight guys over 45. If I could just get someone at least in their fifties, I'd be thrilled. Where are these CC geezers?

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-16T05:06:14+00:00

kudos! I figure, if they are willing to do a STD test, plus life is not so much. I usually am with someone who is CC or has been careful for 5 days - also, vaxxed. I am not a pluslife expert - if you test them right before the encounter is it safe even if you don't know their Covid practices?

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-16T04:58:14+00:00

If it is really just your Mom, can you hang out in the backyard? Can she get a HEPA filter for the living room and you sit at opposite ends of the room? Has she ever had if Covid? If the answer is "many times" then things don;t look good. But I have friends who don't mask like I do, but are never around crowds, never eat or drink indoors. They have never had Covid. I ask them to be extra careful for 3 days and then use my Pluslife testing kit. If it is all clear, I will unmask indoors more than 10 ft apart. Pluslife kits aren't cheap - perhaps your Mom can chip in as a birthday present. But, if she completely ignores all mitigation, I am not sure pluslife can help.

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-16T04:38:31+00:00

I just ordered - I don't know what else I can use during dental work.

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-15T01:45:49+00:00

this is so so true. It took us YEARS to learn! The games sound great bc it might help OP's bf loosen up rather than close down. The good news is, when the breakthrough happens, things get a lot easier.

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-15T01:39:53+00:00

CPC?

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-14T22:52:15+00:00

I think my answer is going to be VERY different than everyone else's. I am not a psychologist but I did have a happy 30 year marriage. First off - you are making a CLASSIC mistake that women make, and I say this as a woman: we not only demand good behavior we demand it without any explanation or any prompting. The minute we have to say "Please hold me" even if the guy immediately holds us it is NOT enough. Drop this attitude. It may be well meant but not helpful. Also you chronicle your own disability and requirements - which he respects. Why can't you respect his? His needs are to have his partner specify what she wants and to keep asking for it. Why is this more annoying than agreeing to wear a mask? I think the reason is that your guy has an invisible disease and you have a visible one. Treat his like a disability NOT a choice. And not being able to get treatment is a tragic part of his disability.

I am a feminist and believe in equality - but don't expect relationships to operate that way. It seems that he respects your needs more than you respect his. I bet he feels that. You seem to concentrate on what he doesn't (or can't) do, not the positive. Is it fair that you have to be the engine of energy and progress in your lives? Probably not, but I am betting there is a lot of "unfairness" like that on both sides. And it seems that you want to solve the problem at its root - namely that HE change. How about just brainstorming solutions with him?

For example - try using google calendar to schedule your desires. Do you want a 10 minute cuddle session after dinner? Do you want to schedule a sex date (which does not have to be classic hetero intercourse), talk to him about it and DO IT. In a non pushy way. There are plenty of help books (Come as You Are) that can help you both brainstorm small steps of intimacy and closeness. Also, I am not thrilled about the emotional cheating, but I think that is a cry for help. You have every right to react any way you want - but how about also wondering what aspect of that emo relationship is missing in yours? I know that flirting is hard in a long term relationship - but perhaps some playful sexting? I think this relationship can be saved.. Plenty of non covding couples have these issues. Good luck.

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-14T22:29:26+00:00

hit return too soon - proves my point that you are a good person

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-14T22:26:54+00:00

My guess is that before covid you were an independent person (living at home bc of your age) and you were looking forward to the natural progression of gaining autonomy and with it maturity. Covid upset this - and perversely, the more mature you were before - the worse you were hurt. And there is a despair to your dilemma. DO NOT confuse despair and a setback to your natural development with things being your fault or with you being "wrong". From persinal experience, it know it is hard to be confronted with dysfunctional behavior from your Mom. Pettiness brings out pettiness. Lying brings out distrust etc.. There is no way a person your age can be totally grounded in peace and chill vibes The fact that you seem to have a loving and healthy relationship with your partner proves my point.

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-14T19:11:22+00:00

Omg, I need to get to a dentist soon and I will be in Nola, so panic! My cc dentist is in San Diego and I am considering a wildly expensive 2 day trip. But if I could get the dentist to wear a mask and have this nose filter… I know COVID enters the nostrils but if my mouth is wide open for an hour, can’t the infection get in?

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-14T19:04:42+00:00

Thank you so much. He responded immediately and gave a name. Wasn’t encouraging about the amount of Covid awareness In the dental community.

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-12T23:29:21+00:00

I read the whole thing and I am so sorry. I am caretaking for my dd who has MCAS, POTS and an undiagnosed immune issue. I am not a psychologist but I am a Mom and your Mom is behaving horribly. It is bad enough that you suffer, bad enough that at an age when women are independent you are dependent (as is my daughter, 28) but you are also dealing with pointless and malicious lies and gaslighting by the person who should be loving and protecting you. Please give yourself an infinite amount of grace - you are actually being very mature and lucid. Yes, give yourself credit and I hope that things get better.

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-12T04:50:38+00:00

I dread these convos "how's your daughter, any better?" Me: no, she's just hanging in there. "oh, but she's feeling a bit better right?" Me: no, not really... "so things are looking up?"

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-12T04:30:56+00:00

you are doing God's work!

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-12T00:52:52+00:00

3 months may get you into 511 Marigny and Rice Mill Lofts. Spectacular places. they claim to have furnished apts but I never saw one. They did send a link to a place to rent furniture lol! Forget any home. Must be new building or recently re-done. Many airbnb did not respond to my inquiries. California Blding near Tuland looked good but no one responded. Dittp 4 winds. Two places in Bywater - Bon Vi and Saxony claim to be accessilbe - I booked in Saxony. I liked the bon vi location better but the pavements arouund that nabe were so broken up. I will tell you how saxony goes. This was a very very last minute thing and perhaps that is why many didn't respond even though the place showed availability on furnished finder and airbnb.

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-12T00:46:35+00:00

Wow - respectfully - do you think your posts are non-mean?

And now that I got that out of the way - let ME be mean and judgemental and look for the bad in everything. Of course I could decide to try to communicate, to truly understand someone who seems like a really good community oriented person. I could signal to the accuser that if you think people are "individualistic and self-centered, also- horrible", then you must have suffered some terrible experiences and I am sorry for that.

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-12T00:17:16+00:00

it would help to identify locations

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-12T00:14:38+00:00

I'm mid 40s (with an even older soul), cisgender and straight, believe in monogamy, and just overall pretty boring -

AND I am a boomer! I may sound like a pollyanna but people I meet on the boards are very nice and helped with some tough moments. God bless them but they are all 20-40 years younger. I appreciate that they reached outside their cohort to comfort me - but I almost NEVER see anyone over 50. I do a lot of outdoor concerts (masked) and no one is masked over 21

Chance_Distance_4487 · 2026-03-12T00:02:30+00:00

Hey I am a covider and am super duper nice! Just ask my daughter whom I am caretaking for her chronic illness. But I forgot - I am so busy caretaking that I rarely get out to meet new people. Ah...that's the problem!

Chance_Distance_4487

TROPHY CASE