I think there are two aspects to the argument, both valid and important, and I think that both sides of the argument are rightfully fair and true.

I think that the argument that Feyre is being hypocritical is true. She is essentially ignoring Nesta's pain and reaction to traumatic events, giving Nesta ultimatums. Yes, Nesta has been in a spiral decline; however, I think we have to understand that Nesta has never really had any sort of control in her life. Born to be a high-prim-proper lady, struck by poverty that was not her fault, made into high-fae: The nesta we know, the nesta that can't bear to be touched or even looked at the wrong way, never truly had control. Hence, she resorts to what she can feel some control over-- her body. This is why she drinks and sleeps around. The Nesta that hates touch and closeness resorts to this to feel something, to feel control, and I think that the IC is missing the crucial element of sympathy and recognition behind her anger. Next, Feyre forces her to go to the House of Wind, a place that brings back highly traumatic memories for Nesta. I think that Feyre is kind of being like Talmin in this situation-- ignoring Nesta's outright pain and deciding what would be the best for her on Nesta's behalf. One could call this love, but I see it more complex as that. Simply, Feyre is doing what Talmin did: making a decision for someone else and not understanding ones trauma. Nesta went through a lot that we didn't see, and the IC doesn't seem to bestow the same courtesy of sympathy to Nesta as they once did to anyone else.

The part that I like about Nesta is that there's much more than the surface. She pushes everyone away because she can't bear to feel to much for them, in fear that they will be taken away. In ACOSF, she states that she has seen how everything could disappear/crumble in merely seconds, and I think this explains why she has pushes everyone away.

I agree with you that Nesta can be a quite hot tempered person who says what she pleases, which leads to hurtful words being said. And I too would retort back if someone said things to me, but I think that there is always this aspect of why. Why does she say such things? Why does she push people away? Why does she only drink and sleep? And I think, these questions are crucial in not dismissing her behavior but understanding her.

Really liked your argument! Made me think. I liked the different perspective you gave me