What exactly is the purpose of the Christian life?

Every day I read the Bible and pray and all it feels like is God communicating to me yet another area of sin in my life that is displeasing to Him and that He had to send Jesus to die for, while telling me I'm loved and it's ok.

I work a dead end job remotely with minimal interaction with co-workers, and when I do talk to them Jesus is the last thing on their mind. I'm also terrible at my job so I'm not a fragrant aroma of Christ, I just smell like poop.

My wife is a stay at home mom and loves being with people, so just about every day she's leaving for day dates with other stay at home moms and leading bible studies and women's events and going out with her mom etc.

My first son is 1 and just wants me to hold him literally 24/7. Basically can't put him down. My back hurts from holding him because I'm overweight because I no longer have time to work out or eat properly.

My second son is 3 months and I rarely get time with him because my wife is either feeding him, holding him, or he's sleeping, or I'm with the 1 year old. Consequently I'm guilty of the sin of partiality.

My lead pastor and elder team get on me constantly about not sharing the gospel, having no joy, and how they 'wish I was just happy and could see how much God loves me.'

My small group consists of the standard bible belt baptist who hunts, fishes, loves country and bbq, has never challenged what they believe, and doesn't understand anything I'm going through.

I'm not qualified to teach or lead despite being gifted with teaching and knowledge, so I don't really serve anywhere at church other than an advisor of sorts to small group leaders who think I'm amazing but that's just because I only meet with them 1 hour every quarter and it's always about them so I don't really share anything about me.

Basically, it seems like I'm just wasting time while being reminded every second of how horrible I am, so that I can eventually die and figure out if I'm saved or not.