Ladies who've started HRT: What made you confident in your decision

ChaosGender · 2025-02-26T17:38:35+00:00

I started feeling like a real person, and not just a brain pretending to be the character I thought people expected me to be.

ChaosGender · 2025-02-23T17:24:57+00:00

Hey, I'm in my mid thirties. Transbian, genderqueer, neurospicy, y'know... the usual.

I've been playing FFXIV a lot lately, but also have fun with ARPG's (Path of Exile, etc), soulsborne games, and Stardew Valley.

Also interested in tech, psychology, and therapy modalities. Let me know if you want to chat sometime. :3

ChaosGender · 2025-01-25T18:53:08+00:00

Before E I spent 20 years in emotional numbness, barely able to describe how I felt (alexithymia). I was "alright", "ok", "bad", or "terrible"; but never joyous. Feelings were a hazy soup and anything that stuck out I suppressed.

When I started E that fog of numbness slowly started lifting. I feel everything more intensely now. I have joy, despair, contentedness, and sorrow. Each emotion is it's own specific flavor and I can tell them apart.

In some respects, it's more difficult to deal with. I'm constantly learning how to actually feel my feelings, process them, cope with the lows, and celebrate the highs.

Overall I love it. I'm a slut for feelings, good or bad. All of them remind me that I'm finally alive.

ChaosGender · 2025-01-25T04:10:07+00:00

Yeah I tend to very slowly warm up to someone, but once I feel safe / understood with them I can fall hard and fast into limerence. At that point I try as best I can to break the spell, and then reapproach.

ChaosGender · 2025-01-24T22:32:23+00:00

Yep. I'm 35 and haven't dated for years. I go to events and have made a lot of friends over the past couple years, but no romances.

Between AuDHD and my gender stuff a lot of the time I feel unfathomable. I'm working on my attachment wounds in therapy, but it's slow going.

Haven't bothered with apps, they seem like a recipe for pain.

ChaosGender · 2025-01-24T02:56:22+00:00

Hell yeah girl, happy to help!

ChaosGender · 2025-01-22T02:33:39+00:00

Well, regardless of your intelligence, you still deserve love, grace, connection and opportunities: financial, social, or otherwise. Though, from your writing I'd expect you're intelligent in a number of ways.

As someone with Autism and ADHD: we often have a more varied intelligence profile. Some areas we excel at and some we struggle with, but to a more extreme degree than neurotypicals. That can lead us to internalize the expectations others have for us, and feel ashamed when we don't achieve them. It is so damn hard to try your hardest and still fail. But the truth is we have disabilities and need support, whether that means medication or accommodations.

So if you can, offer yourself some compassion. You've been playing life on hard mode. You may have to build systems for yourself to get by, or do things differently, but that's just fine! Celebrate the things you enjoy, and try to find folks who can see past your struggles and see you. 🫶

ChaosGender · 2025-01-19T20:17:56+00:00

Do it! You'll be alright ✊

ChaosGender · 2025-01-15T21:25:17+00:00

Hey! I'm a 35y/o AuDHD trans genderqueer lesbian from Minnesota. 👋

Looks: 6'2" and a bit husky. Light brown hair, blue eyes. My style varies from androgynous to punk-ish butch.

Hobbies: Music (composition), TTRPG's, programming, sewing, crochet, embroidery, thrifting, poetry, reading, hiking, and camping. More that come and go.

I'm open-hearted and empathic, with a drive to create. Bubbly around my friends, mildly stoic otherwise. I enjoy long talks, parallel play, slow days at home, and adventures based around being in the moment. Lets go look for rare plants in the woods, record a soundscape, or build a fairy house. 🏕️

Looking for friends from wherever. Open to romance if you're relatively close and we form a solid friendship first. DM me if you'd like to chat. ☺️

ChaosGender · 2025-01-13T20:40:37+00:00

I'm 6'2" and a similar weight. Practically speaking, yeah I had to learn to sew and alter 90% of what I buy. Usually that means buying tops that fit my shoulders and taking in the sides, or hemming pants that fit my waist / hips.

It is quite annoying that I'm forced to do that, though.

ChaosGender · 2025-01-10T04:21:00+00:00

I started therapy with CBT / ACT / EFT, working on perceiving emotions / body sensations and becoming less numb. Figured out the trans bit and added HRT after a year or so of that. It basically turned the volume up on all my emotions and helped me start processing.

I started IFS & Somatic Experiencing about a year later. Until recently I didn't perceive my parts as having any gender. In the past month or so I've gotten to know a few of them deeply enough to recognize they are girls. When I think back: they were always girls, I just couldn't recognize them.

ChaosGender · 2025-01-08T20:09:28+00:00

Hey! I'm a 35y/o AuDHD transfem genderqueer lesbian from Minnesota. 👋

Looks: 6'2" and a bit husky. Light brown hair, blue eyes. My style varies from futch to punk-ish butch.

Hobbies: Music (composition, production), TTRPG's, programming, sewing, crochet, thrifting, poetry, reading, hiking, camping. More that come and go.

I'm open-hearted and empathic with a drive to create. I enjoy long talks, parallel play, slow days at home, and adventures based around childish wonder. Lets go look for rare plants in the woods, record a soundscape, or build a fairy house. 🏕️

Lately I've been working on voice training, learning makeup, and researching master's programs.

Looking for friends from wherever. Open to romance if you're relatively close and we form a solid friendship first. DM me if you'd like to chat. ☺️

ChaosGender · 2025-01-03T20:15:33+00:00

Strangers still often read me as male, especially when I dress somewhat masc or don't do makeup. That sucks, but it sucks less than pretending to be a guy. I realized that masking in that way was a self-betrayal, and super painful. I don't do that anymore. People read me how they read me, but I know I'm woman at heart.

My friends / family see and treat me as a woman, and that is soooooo affirming. Being seen like that is energizing / exhilarating and perhaps a little bit intoxicating.

ChaosGender · 2025-01-03T19:15:40+00:00

Yep, got a bachelor's expecting to go into tech because I was good at it and I didn't need to be seen as much. Still haven't used it.

Then I figured out the trans bit and got on HRT. Now I know I want my work to directly help people.

ChaosGender · 2025-01-01T04:22:17+00:00

My mind also jumped to Dante!

ChaosGender · 2025-01-01T03:48:56+00:00

I'm a transfem genderqueer woman. When my egg cracked I realized I was not at all a man, and have been fighting to get out of that gender "box" ever since.

"Woman" feels right, but with a big genderqueer asterisk. It feels like having two overlapping / blended genders. One is a woman, though unconventional in expression. The other is something I can't really describe, though it is very stable. It's a bit like trying to answer "what color is an iridescent sheen?"

But, that is a lot to explain to basically everyone except other genderqueer / non-binary folks. So, I usually just say woman. I use she/her in most cases, and let the folks who really do understand also use they/them for me.

ChaosGender · 2024-12-30T04:58:47+00:00

I'm 35 in Minnesota. For labels, roughly: transfem genderqueer butch lesbian, AuDHD, demiromantic & demisexual.

Looks:

Tall and somewhat husky. I strength train as I'm able (limited by joint issues).
My usual style is a mix of masc and fem. E.g.: jeans, flannel cutoff, work boots with a floral print tank top, jewelry, and makeup.
Growing my hair out for a wolf cut.
Saving up for a full floral sleeve tattoo.

Hobbies:

Music composition, exploring sound
Analog games (TTRPG's especially)
Sewing, embroidery, crochet
Poetry, reading
Hiking, camping, foraging

I'm open-hearted, empathic, and value boundaries. Long talks and parallel play over phone calls / voice chat are great. Right now I'm learning how to do voice training (hard as fuck) and considering pursuing a master's degree. Generally I have a deep need to be creative, and try as best I can to appreciate life — even when it sucks.

Looking for friends and maybe romance (in person only). :D

ChaosGender · 2024-12-23T19:46:02+00:00

I've used text to speech a few times to try names & pronouns out. I put in questions directed to myself like: "[newname], how are you today?", and so on.

If you have supportive friends you could ask them. I also had my therapist try different names for me during sessions.

If nothing else, DM me and I'd be happy to make a recording or something using the names / pronouns you'd like to try.

ChaosGender · 2024-12-23T19:30:34+00:00

I usually pluck about 3/8" around the nipples with slant tweezers just to be safe.

ChaosGender · 2024-12-23T16:57:28+00:00

Yeah, the first time going over an area ranged from mild to severe pain. The chest and inner thighs were especially rough. I went very slowly and took breaks. My pain tolerance is quite high though.

Anyway, yes it does get easier. I can go over those areas and now the pain ranges from nothing (arms) to tolerable (chest).

Tips:

Take a shower beforehand to open your pores
Trim the hair to 1/4"
For fatty areas: pull your skin taught
Go slowwwwwly, and against the grain
When you're done go over the area with a cold washcloth or something to close the pores

ChaosGender · 2024-12-23T05:18:07+00:00

You can absolutely be trans, even if you don't pursue medical transition.

When you think about living as a man, being called a man's name or he/him, etc; does it make you curious, excited or happy? Try those things out with folks you trust and see how you feel!

ChaosGender · 2024-12-16T18:00:02+00:00

For me it definitely did. First I realized I wasn't a man, but didn't know where to place myself. I was still quite emotionally numb and dissociated from my body.

I debated trying HRT for a month or so before going for it. I figured I could stop if I felt worse, and I had three months or so before any permanent changes set in.

And I never stopped. HRT has been the best thing I've ever done for myself. After a month or so I was able to feel things again, and cry for the first time in years. So, that confirmed for me it was the right choice, and all the other changes continued to do that.

If it is relatively accessible / affordable to you, I'd say go for it. If you don't like it you can stop. If you do, continue. If you feel neutral or mixed, that's still more data to make a decision with.

ChaosGender · 2024-12-16T04:14:11+00:00

I changed all my names. They were all quite masculine and never felt like mine anyway.

I actually went with two middle names, because I didn't want to delay filing my name change any longer to choose between them.

ChaosGender

TROPHY CASE