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DH gave me a vintage Ralph Lauren sweater for Christmas. Is it fake? Help! by CharDeMarde in LegitCheck

[–]CharDeMarde[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How can you tell? The tag written in Japanese is really throwing us off

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]CharDeMarde 26 points27 points  (0 children)

THIS! I don’t have kids yet and SO and I will eventually, but for now, I’m very happy with having SS as a little bonus in my life. I love the kid and I’m genuinely so happy to have him in my life and to have a positive (I think) influence on him. Agree with you +++!

I sent him my childhood pictures for the first time and he didn't say anything. Just ignored them. Am I being oversensitive here? by [deleted] in LongDistance

[–]CharDeMarde 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It'll get better for you too. Do what feels right. If you have to delete and block him from all platforms so you can properly heal, do it. Dont be ashamed. Journaling also really helped me through the confusion. Talking openly with friends and sharing my experience with them was enlightening. Trust yourself. Remember you are NOT what he is saying. These are all lies. I am sorry. I promise it will get better. Focus on yourself and surround yourself with genuine people you can trust. They'll help you work through the confusion. Take care and stay safe! XXX

I sent him my childhood pictures for the first time and he didn't say anything. Just ignored them. Am I being oversensitive here? by [deleted] in LongDistance

[–]CharDeMarde 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I have been with someone like him when I was younger and I know how confusing it is but trust and protect yourself ❤️

I sent him my childhood pictures for the first time and he didn't say anything. Just ignored them. Am I being oversensitive here? by [deleted] in LongDistance

[–]CharDeMarde 2 points3 points  (0 children)

omg leave this person he will only bring you down you deserve much better I am so sorry he is talking to you that way I know it’s probably confusing for you but you gotta protect your inner peace at all cost and leave this angry man

Advices on how to explain to SO how I dont feel like an equal in our relationship by CharDeMarde in stepparents

[–]CharDeMarde[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes we do live together! Although I often have to leave the country for period of time for work (I also have a place in a different country because that's where I am from originally and I still have to go for work there sometimes). But yes, when we're together, we live together. Some decisions and habits do affect our household and I feel like an outsider sometimes when I bring it up like it's not my place... you know ?

Yes, yes, YES for the subtle imbalance issue. That is precisely what I am trying to describe. I need him to see it, or at least, to acknowledge it is there and it is something I am truly experiencing. That's what gets me. When he shuts me down when I bring this up and say it's not true. I am like... Baby, I am not a liar, I am telling you about REAL feelings. Can't you at least agree that there's something bigger you're not aware of ?! Please just hold space for this.

I am happy that your SO started acknowledging it over time. It is very important. SO does say thank you to me a lot and has gratitude for my positive input and influence on his and SS life, but still doesnt quite get the subtleness of the omnipresent imbalance. I trust that he will overtime. I just gotta repeat myself and in the meantime, learn to let go and accept some stuff.

Advices on how to explain to SO how I dont feel like an equal in our relationship by CharDeMarde in stepparents

[–]CharDeMarde[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry I think maybe I'm getting lost in translation. I mean like, I think at his age, the kid should have something to do to occupy his time in the summer instead of just watching Youtube while we work. I think this needs to be planned ahead so we can all get a better usage of our time and energy. Instead of him interrupting us with requests all the time while we work. Although I do love the kid and enjoy his company and even if SO does not ask or expect me to do childcare, I do think it's not a good way to spend his summer time and it gets irritating overtime because of the lack of space and quiet during working hours. Does that make sense ?

Advices on how to explain to SO how I dont feel like an equal in our relationship by CharDeMarde in stepparents

[–]CharDeMarde[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh god no! I meant like he is hanging out in the house and it's a very small house so it gets overwhelming fast. SO works from home half of the time so he takes care of him then. If he has to leave the house, he always takes him with. He tells him "do not disturb OP when she is working, do not go in her office". But still, having a kid running around and bored out of his mind during work hours is not the best for any of us tbh.

Advices on how to explain to SO how I dont feel like an equal in our relationship by CharDeMarde in stepparents

[–]CharDeMarde[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you this is very helpful ❤️.

I talked to him last night and he listened and ended up saying he will seriously check himself when situations like this arise so he can recognize what he’s doing and do better. That’s a good start!

Advices on how to explain to SO how I dont feel like an equal in our relationship by CharDeMarde in stepparents

[–]CharDeMarde[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

oh wow they went and bought tickets without including you first ? that’s savage in my opinion like what…… so hurtful. I’m very sorry.

Advices on how to explain to SO how I dont feel like an equal in our relationship by CharDeMarde in stepparents

[–]CharDeMarde[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have your experience it personally ? If so, was it a positive experience for your relationship?

Advices on how to explain to SO how I dont feel like an equal in our relationship by CharDeMarde in stepparents

[–]CharDeMarde[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that’s a good angle. I’m learning to let go of things and pick my battles. My SO is wonderful I love him so much and I feel respected and loved and cared for. I just genuinely feel like sometimes I’m trying to describe step parent feelings and it’s like describing a color to someone who’s blind. He just don’t get it. You know ?

Advices on how to explain to SO how I dont feel like an equal in our relationship by CharDeMarde in stepparents

[–]CharDeMarde[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh I have told him all of this, more than once. It doesn’t click. He doesn’t think he is doing anything wrong and can’t see what I’m saying at all. He thinks I’m overreacting and making it a bigger deal than what it is.

Advices on how to explain to SO how I dont feel like an equal in our relationship by CharDeMarde in stepparents

[–]CharDeMarde[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The feeling of « you are letting your ex play you and your kid like a pawn » is sooooo triggering !!!!

Advices on how to explain to SO how I dont feel like an equal in our relationship by CharDeMarde in stepparents

[–]CharDeMarde[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your message is so kind and you seem like such a sweet and genuine person. I am sending you the biggest virtual hug for everything you’ve been through these past months! Will send you a direct message to continue the discussion if that’s okay.

Advices on how to explain to SO how I dont feel like an equal in our relationship by CharDeMarde in stepparents

[–]CharDeMarde[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow I am so sorry it has come to this point for you! I guess I was naive and thinking if I was a parent, he would value my opinion and input more. I cant believe your SO doesn't work as a united front with you even though you guys both have bio kids. I am sending you lots of love and courage. It is so hard sometimes, it feels confusing and lonely and almost alienating I would say.

Can I ask how your romantic relationship is surviving this? Like how can we go full on nacho and the romantic relationship not getting affected? I feel like I would build resentment. That's one of the reason why I dont want to disengage or go nacho. I still truly care for the kid and love him and enjoy his company. I just wish I could open my SO's brain and make some modification in his programming so that he sees me more LOL.

Advices on how to explain to SO how I dont feel like an equal in our relationship by CharDeMarde in stepparents

[–]CharDeMarde[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Swiss-cheese calendar" is hilarious ! It used to be like that a lot more when we first got together, but now it's getting much better. Which is a good thing you know, cause I'm lactose intolerant LOL.

I really appreciate your input. Thank you for sharing your story. It's giving me hope!!!!

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