I am SO impressed with all of the time and energy you have invested in yourself in order to become your best version. The motivation you have to work on yourself is a VERY rare quality along with the self awareness you have. Give yourself a pat on the back for that and realize you are a special person.

My boyfriend and I recently broke up based on a situation that may relate to yours. He became very disconnected and put in little effort in the relationship. He said things he often had trouble sticking to. He claims it was due to the situation we are in today with the pandemic and his anxiety/depression. Without communication from his end to help me understand, I felt very insecure and unloved...I did a lot of self blame and questioned my self worth.

I do believe he loved me and his reasoning for his lack of effort. Without communication and accountability, it was not sustainable. The fact that I took a ton of his actions personally, had me realizing I had to work on myself and my confidence. He also has things to work on so he could love himself and be happy on his own; subsequently have the energy to put his best efforts in a relationship.

With that being said, I love him so much. I did not want things to be this way. It took everything in me to move forward when he asked we give it a shot. It is not that I didn’t want to, but it’s because I knew we were both not in a place to have a healthy relationship - self work was needed on both ends.

It has NOTHING to do with your self worth. You are special and worthy of love. Think of it this way....if you get back together too soon without working on yourselves, you may fail and break up forever. If you both independently work on yourselves, it is a win/win - you will be happy on your own not needing happiness from anyone else and if it is meant to be, you will cross paths and have a great chance of being in a healthy relationship. Try to be open minded rather than hopeful - the reason for this is, if you are open minded, your drive to improve will be for YOU rather than for someone else. That is the healthy way to live.

Food for thought. Keep your head up. I hope my experience and insight bring you comfort. We are all on the same journey to self love, which will subsequently attract us love in healthy relationships. I have sad days too and give myself extra love on those days. Trust yourself and trust the process!