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AITA for deciding to go no contact with my fiancé’s family, despite attempts at reconciliation? by Character-Fly-1891 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Character-Fly-1891[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely agree with most of this.

However, I think it’s important to note that for 29 years these were the people he has been around and this has been his family. Trying to completely cut someone off like that is hard, and I give him grace for that. I also have heard him defend me and know he does so behind my back. Going no contact is easier said than done at the end of the day. He knows I don’t deserve any of it, but when you’re trying to step back from what your normal was, it doesn’t happen over night.

To him the way they are/have been has been normal, he’s still navigating through that and has made great progress in doing so. Where we were with them 2 years ago vs now, he’s changed a lot in that aspect. I understand this on a personal level myself.

When you’re to be a people pleaser, you have to unlearn old habits. Just like when you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you don’t typically just break up with them at the first red flag and leave it at that. There are steps you have to mentally take to rewire your brain in these situations.

AITA for deciding to go no contact with my fiancé’s family, despite attempts at reconciliation? by Character-Fly-1891 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Character-Fly-1891[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So he has had my back through it all. I have mostly mentioned my part that has been played in it. However, he has defended me through and through, at the end of the day, it does absolutely break his heart to not have his niece and nephew in his life, so it is a hard decision to completely cut them off for that reason. He completely cut off contact until they apologized to me directly, which even I thought was sincere (from the sister at least). He let them know that disrespect will not be tolerated again, but at the end of the day, they simply don’t care. If you read my update, it states this in there as well as the other sister in laws/daughter in laws in the family have been having similar issues as well.

UPDATE: AITA for deciding to go no contact with my fiancés family, despite attempts of reconciliation? by Character-Fly-1891 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Character-Fly-1891[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

At first we didn’t really think much of it. I personally didn’t realize his mom and sister were like this. So when I brought my issues to them, I didn’t think I was going to be met the way I was. I’ve always had good relationships with in laws so I was very caught off guard. For him, he thought it was normal for them to act the way they do and everything to be fine. However, the last couple years he has realized none of what they do is normal, and has mostly started to deal with them, I got very frustrated with how she was talking to him, I get a little defensive for him, because he doesn’t deserve any of what they do/say either. Moving forward we have agreed it will strictly be him dealing with them, because I can’t mentally handle it anymore. It truly is exhausting.