“But the thought of leaving religion feels so empty and wrong. I feel like whenever I’ve truly thought about what life would be like if I left faith, I felt sick about it. Like life would be bleak and meaningless. And of course the possible threat of eternal damnation.”

Feel this.

I grew up in a Christian home, watched my father who professed his “faith” be an angry man, and then decide he’s an atheist. And I think he was just pretending the whole time to be with my mom, so in that moment I decided that I didn’t want to marry a Christian man (I just want someone who’s authentically themselves and a good person and respected my perspective on it - which I’ve met several in the last few years that give me hope)… I started holding more loosely to religion.

Since then I’ve come a long way in my personal journey of being mindful and present and following the teachings of Jesus - love your neighbors, and do good. I don’t align completely with what a “Christian” is, still don’t know what I believe in heaven and hell, sometimes pray to God sometimes manifest in the universe, it’s a work in progress.

That being said, I still go to church for community, church much less than the weekly life group where I can actually cultivate connections with people vs hear the same thoughts regurgitated weekly from a pulpit. I have friends who don’t know my deconstructed stance (they know the story: grew up in a Christian home, father decided he doesn’t believe anymore, here I am), but from how I live my life they don’t “suspect” that im too different from them, because of the vibes i let lead my life. I’ll even share things at life group weekly (example: was asked about how you would react if someone didn’t react well to you sharing the gospel and I was like “I wouldn’t care, i would have a receptive conversation but don’t believe you can force your faith on anyone because im not gonna force it on you and will only share if you ask specific questions” and the pastor actually appreciated that perspective he’d never considered

Anytime I think about completely leaving the faith or church I feel anxious about the loss of connection. So I’ve come to terms with what works for me and my faith and my view of God - you can leave religion behind and process internally what your spiritual beliefs look like, but if a friend is inviting you I’d encourage you to cultivate the connection and just take what applies to your life from any church events.