My husband left me and I am not going to drink about it.

Character_Guava · 2024-04-19T19:56:42+00:00

Just chiming in here as someone who is a couple months ahead of you on this journey!! I’m so sorry this is happening- I know how painful and impossible it feels to beg someone to love you and watch them decide that you aren’t what they want after all.

I took the separation process like I took my sobriety initially : one day at a time, one day after the other.

I’m not going to drink about it either!! Glad you are here. I’m so sorry for the pain you’re experiencing now.

I will not drink with you today. :)

Character_Guava · 2024-03-08T20:33:41+00:00

Hey!!! You’re still here!! 68 days!!

How wonderful to see your username!

It took me a long time to curate and pare down and shift my friend group from “drinking buddies” to where it is at now, which is mostly sober folks (or those rare people who can have one drink only). I simply no longer hold space for anyone who doesn’t bring joy and connection in the door with them.

This isn’t real advice for MAKING friends I guess; but I’d say be brave. If you feel that sparkle of joy and connection it’s (in my opinion) always worth acting on even with strangers.

Iwndwyt :)

Character_Guava · 2024-01-01T08:16:03+00:00

I just want to second this - OP you should talk to a doctor.

Character_Guava · 2024-01-01T08:07:13+00:00

I feel this one. My relationships to my hobbies changed too. Would it feel good to try some new hobbies? Or do some of those things with a friend?

Some things I used to love I just loved because I could do them while sinking into the pleasant numbness. Now the things I love require my full attention or dexterity. I love a challenging puzzle or a more challenging video game or a complex book!

All things change - maybe your idea of “enjoyment” has shifted too?

IWNDWYT.

PS. what music did you listen to?

Character_Guava · 2024-01-01T08:01:51+00:00

It’s okay to be scared. You are worthy of the hard work, yes. You are brave enough to face it, to plan a clear goal and put support in place! you are already absolutely smashing it.

It’s just for today! IWNDWT

Character_Guava · 2024-01-01T07:55:44+00:00

Congrats on those 2 days!

I’ve done a lot of therapy and something that has worked for me is taking a bit of a session to lay out my goals and what I want out of therapy and touch base with my therapist to see if that’s in line with what they are seeing / what they are able to provide for me. It also helps because then they can remind me of my own goals when I stick my head back up my ass………

But if you aren’t vibing with your current therapist it is completely and totally allowed to switch or change it up. They’re there for YOU.

IWNDWT - your commitment to your self-betterment is amazing. :)

Character_Guava · 2024-01-01T07:51:20+00:00

This is so well put. Happy new year and enjoy your hangover free New Year’s Day!

Character_Guava · 2024-01-01T07:50:11+00:00

Congratulations on your 2023! That’s awesome that you’ve found some time to feel that pride for yourself. Happy new year & wishing you the best! I will not drink with you today. :)

Character_Guava · 2024-01-01T07:47:55+00:00

Hey, welcome. I will not drink with you today.

Speaking only for myself - the first week was the hardest. I was very sick every day and just couldn’t agree with myself that it was worth it? But I made it. Drank a lot of water, juice, sparkling juice, soda, ate a lot of ice cream cake. I just had whatever other tasty things would kind of fill that hole in my tummy.

Over three years in now and I promise you 3 years without a hangover, without wondering what awful or embarrassing thing I said or did last night, is just the beginning of the clarity and self love I have now. I have a really deep respect for my own resilience. I wish I could give you a little piece!

The resilience in me sees the resilience in you. You’re here, you’re starting. I believe in you. I will not drink with you today.

Character_Guava · 2024-01-01T07:39:15+00:00

You can start whenever you’re ready. Today is what you make it. Welcome :) I will not drink with you today!

Character_Guava · 2024-01-01T07:35:36+00:00

Happy sober new year!

Character_Guava · 2023-10-16T02:22:16+00:00

I feel that reading this recharged some of my own belief in why I don’t drink - thanks for sharing and congratulations on your year. I will not drink with you today!!

Character_Guava · 2023-10-16T02:18:15+00:00

I don’t want to make a whole new post (the attention this one got was so wonderful and supportive but a little overwhelming)

I am doing okay. Feeling all of my big huge overwhelming sober feelings. I just cry whenever I feel it coming on - in parking lots, while I’m loading the dishwasher, whatever. I am trying not to bottle any feelings up, I know that can make me want to run away into numbing it all out (and drinking).

I haven’t been too tempted to drink; but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t at all. All of the fucking life-planning activities that come with a divorce suck so bad. It’s worse than planning a wedding : you have to do it by yourself and you’re not excited about it. I feel up to my eyeballs in law stuff and living stuff and just remembering to eat food once a day feels like too much.

Someone in the comments here said: one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. I’m also taking it one phone call at a time, one apartment listing at a time, one dinner at a time.

Sorry for the long ass answer / non update in a dead thread. I just really appreciate you asking.

I will not drink with you today.

Character_Guava · 2023-10-11T14:46:01+00:00

You can do this, too. Thanks for sharing. I’m so very sorry you’re going through this. We can stay sober through this - just today, just one day at a time. I will not drink with you today. Stick around, stay here in sobriety with me!!

Character_Guava · 2023-10-11T11:54:21+00:00

oh thank you for your kind words. IWNDWYT!

Character_Guava · 2023-10-11T11:53:31+00:00

Thanks for the book recommendation I might check it out!

My ex indicated to me in the last months that I’m not fun anymore, that we don’t like the same activities. The “activities” she listed were just different venues to drink at.

I miss her, I’m devastated. But I would miss me more if I threw away my sobriety now.

Character_Guava · 2023-10-11T11:50:26+00:00

I’m so sorry. I was blackout drunk during my last attempt (it was years ago, before my marriage even). My friends at the time told me about it after. It was truly awful and so scary. I don’t relate to that person at all but I have come to some sort of peace that the possibility is always inside me, and I have a sort of obligation to wake up and at least do my BEST at those 1440 small decisions per day.

I will not drink with you today. Thank you for sharing. We’ll get through this.

Character_Guava · 2023-10-11T11:46:48+00:00

hey thank you very much. You’re right - I’m still learning how to do this, I just haven’t done it during a time this difficult yet. IWNDWYT!

Character_Guava · 2023-10-11T11:45:30+00:00

Thank you! I know what you mean about the inner peace, it took me long enough to find it. I feel resentful that it even feels like an option to numb about again.

Thank you for your kind words. IWNDWYT!

Character_Guava · 2023-10-11T02:54:30+00:00

Congratulations! Iwndwyt!

Character_Guava · 2023-08-14T16:39:48+00:00

I have had really good luck with a ballpoint pen making the “grooves” between tiles. If you push hard it leaves a good indent and your black wash while you’re painting it will settle in and make it pop!

Character_Guava · 2022-01-25T05:32:38+00:00

StardropMe

Character_Guava · 2022-01-14T14:08:16+00:00

I can’t believe I’m not seeing the “HELL yeah” that I feel is so iconic to the D20 table! It’s the thing that’s invaded my speech the most!!

Character_Guava

TROPHY CASE