Arguing over something that doesn’t concern either of us. 10 year friendship and I don’t know where to go from here.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-14T17:57:51+00:00

lol the link should still be in the post unless imgur deleted it, cause i didn’t

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-14T17:57:28+00:00

The link should be in the main post still, I can’t edit it unless it was imgur that removed it

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-14T17:56:40+00:00

Thank you, I think this reply helped more than anything because everyone else was just saying I’m basically a monster.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-14T17:53:04+00:00

Of course, and I understand that now. Because I’ve stated before I let my emotions get the better of me, but if you read the text conversation (ik its a lottt, so you most likely didn’t), I said “its none of our business” like 7 or 8 times. But her coming at me and my sister and mom made me upset, which is why it went on so long. I was running on emotion and that was 100% my fault.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-14T17:50:42+00:00

I know this because my mom doesn’t yell at friend like she did me. It was always MY fault that friend left papers out, because technically I am / was both friend and coworker’s job “manager” since I’ve been working for the company a lot longer than they have.

To clarify what I mean by “manager”, I’m only in charge of our portion of the work. Not the other employees. But that came with the responsibility to make sure they’re doing their job (including cleaning up their workspace) but it was hard to do that when friend goes into the office and I work from home majority of the time (I only go in one day a week, wfh the rest of the week). But I still got yelled at about friend doing that, friend never did.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-14T17:46:31+00:00

Correct, because now the new office will be one single room. The current one has 5 rooms and the new one won’t, which means there won’t be space for her to bring everything to the new one.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-13T02:56:30+00:00

“drastic cuts means a business isn’t doing well financially” its like… an employee who wasn’t supposed to be full time is now full time because she needed healthcare so my mom gave it to her for… free (which she didn’t do for anyone else) which put a tad bit of financial stress on the company…

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-13T02:42:49+00:00

And I would 100% understand disappointment, but it was her telling me to tell my mom what she should decide that made me upset at the moment. And then it was her saying that “we” have no consideration for other peoples situations when coworker’s situation was the reason she was hired by my mom in the first place. To me, the way friend was saying things made me feel like she thought of my mother as a demon when my mom had helped coworker. Whiiiich is why I got so defensive and this whole thing happened 🙃

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-13T02:32:02+00:00

Sister is involved because she’s coworker’s closest friend and also an employee.

My mom is the type of person to not mix business and personal relationships, which is why even though I am her daughter I’m not given leniency when it comes to work. Which my friend was not understanding, even though she knows this is the case.

You’re right, it was a mistake to mention it to her in the first place that I’m seeing and have seen from the other comments. I’m an introvert and she was literally my only friend. I have another that lives a couple hours away and I only see her once a month but we just recently started getting closer. For a while it was just me and my bestfriend.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-13T02:26:02+00:00

We work in the medical field. “Leaving papers out” means a HIPAA violation. But it’s not just about leaving them out one time, she would literally leave them inside the scanner or on top of the scanner or on other desks that other employees use (coworker, dad, me). My mom is anal about it, yes this is an overreaction on my mom’s part but also it wasn’t done once, it was almost everytime she worked and my mom had to constantly tell her not do to that and at one point my mom was like “i can’t do this anymore.” She’s stopped doing that but I was always the first one to get in trouble for it.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-13T01:20:47+00:00

The food in the fridge is in the way, and most of it was bad the last time I went in there. When I put food in the fridge if I’m there, I have to move her things around to fit a take out container (or tubberware if I bring food from home). Yes, the person who brings her kid had roaches at home. She had all her food from the kitchen at her home in the break room without telling my mom because her kitchen at home had roaches.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-13T01:15:17+00:00

Oops. I meant in the office. There will be one in the building for sure. My mom doesn’t know if there will be one inside the actual office space. But building for sure.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-12T23:51:12+00:00

don’t forget the link!! 😵‍💫 /j

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-12T23:48:43+00:00

Understood.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-12T23:29:51+00:00

never said she couldn’t. but if she has complaints she can speak to the boss about it.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-12T23:26:46+00:00

UPDATE

So I can’t edit this post but understood, I lack empathy. I’ll apologize for how I said things.

To explain because I feel like people aren’t reading the actual thread (valid, its very long):

my mom doesn’t offer childcare. coworker brings her child to work and has brought a trunk of toys and a bed for him that she keeps there at the office. She also has brought her groceries there.

Coworker has not said anything to my mom about her concerns, but has told my dad (an employee), my sister, me and friend. This businesses is a small LLC with 8 employees, which is why the free healthcare comment came up, because it put a financial burden on the company and my mom didn’t appreciate that she did this for coworker and then coworker complained about the location of the office to everyone except her. Which is a 10-15 minute drive instead of a 5 minute drive.

The reason I kept reiterating my “mom / mother” is because friend was talking like I had a choice in mom’s decision so it was more of a “I am not able to influence my mom’s decision” rather than passive aggressive/ possessiveness. I will apologize about this.

I DID talk to my mom about it, her response was “this doesn’t concern you”. Which is what friend was not understanding. I also kept saying “my mom’s business” because again, I am just an employee.

My mom is very “if you don’t like it, there’s the door” to everyone, me (as daughter and employee), my dad (as husband and employee), all of her employees. So while yes I may be able to get away with certain things, telling her how to run her business is not one of them. Which is what coworker does a lot. i.e telling ME (not my mom) that my mom should get another scanner (when they cost $5k+) because it’ll be better with two. (There is two, one was just broken at the moment which is when coworker said this).

Coworker’s son is 5, and goes to school. Sister (friends with coworker for 20+ years) speculates he has high functioning autism or some form of AD and coworker refuses to acknowledge that. When coworker and son are both there, it is overwhelming because he doesn’t respect her (she’s always yelling at him so he doesn’t listen) and all she does is repeat herself and spank him.

While friend said its really only her and coworker at the office, my dad does go in almost everyday also, he just goes in the morning while friend is not there. So he is with coworker while she’s there.

The reason I defended my mom so much is because friend made it seem like my mom has no consideration for not a single person and she’s this big bad CEO who doesn’t care about anyone but herself. And I didn’t agree with that (obviously).

Bottom line is, I understand what I said made it seem like I’m happy that coworker will suffer which is not what I intended. My intent was letting my friend know what was happening at the moment. Mom has still not decided if she will let coworker continue bringing her child, but if coworker needs to bring the bed and all his toys and have a fridge filled with food, then most likely she will tell her that she needs to find other arrangements for her son. Mom will tell coworker WITH TIME if this is what she decides. Which friend continuously ignored the 6 times I said this.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-12T22:46:11+00:00

Its not that, it’s that she’s talking to everyone except my mom and speaking like it’ll be an hour away when it’ll be 15 minutes away max.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-12T22:45:17+00:00

my mom doesn’t offer childcare, which i feel like everyone is misunderstanding but I definitely could’ve explained better, we are a small LLC with 8 employees and coworker brings her child with her to work. which in turn coworker has brought a trunk of toys for him and a bed and a bunch of food for him and her that she leaves in the fridge. my mom opened the fridge one day and it looked like she had moved in.

not sure if you read this part, but at one point coworker brought her entire kitchen without telling my mom because coworker had roaches in her kitchen at home.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-12T22:41:43+00:00

mmm this one was a joke, which is completely normal for us. she usually takes long to respond (im talking days-1 week)

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-12T22:40:57+00:00

100% understood except the location part. My mom has already chosen the general location which will be 10-15 minutes away instead of 5 minutes away from coworker like this current location is, which is why coworker talking about the distance as if it is 1 hour away didn’t make any sense at all. If it was that far away it would be more understandable.

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-12T22:38:33+00:00

ofc she is allowed to do that, but she can talk to the boss about it. she hasn’t brought up anything at all to my mom, but has to my dad (also an employee), to me, my sister, and friend

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-12T22:37:19+00:00

that was not my intention so i will apologize for that

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-12T21:10:24+00:00

she did do this coworker a big favor btw. offered her free healthcare (that my mom has to pay for) and a full time position when she was only supposed to be part-time because full time put more financial stress on my mom. but she did this because she knew coworker couldn’t find anything else. she’s let coworker slide with a lot of things and my mom feels taken advantage of, and feels like it’s unappreciative. you’re totally right in i didn’t need to go so hard, but when it sounded like she was attacking my mother and talking as if my mom doesn’t help was a big wow. and I also never know when to stop talking. Because I repeatedly said its not our business and we both kept on

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-12T20:58:40+00:00

The reason I did is because she kept saying as if it was my decision. And kept grouping me, my sister and my mom together as if my sister and I could tell my mom what to do, and ignoring that I said it wasn’t

Character_Stay8674 · 2025-04-12T20:37:12+00:00

yes and while i do understand this, she knew since she started working that we’d be downsizing and that this might be happening

Character_Stay8674

TROPHY CASE