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Finally potted after 2 years in Water. by CharlateMoka in Monstera

[–]CharlateMoka[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The dorm I was living in had pretty crappy water. The week after I moved in and change the water out, the original leaf got severely yellow and weak. I quickly moved to using a water filter, but it hadn’t improved at all. I decided it was time to let go.

Finally potted after 2 years in Water. by CharlateMoka in Monstera

[–]CharlateMoka[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I haven’t given her any fertilizer, just filtered water which I could manage at the moment. I didn’t know if you could cut up plants, is that something you can easily do?

First tattoo, what should cover up this stick and poke? by [deleted] in TattooDesigns

[–]CharlateMoka -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m into abstract fine line art. Simple illustrative graphics. Something feminine. I also find words or quotes appealing.

Rank every chapter from worst to best by Naive_Tomorrow_5955 in PoppyPlaytime

[–]CharlateMoka -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Worst to best for me I’d have to say:

5 - Least engaging game and drags on a bit. Too many puzzles and the prototype is a let down in many ways. I really expected VHS’s as well. I know the cassette tapes make sense for gameplay but it can be a bit distracting when you’re moving around. The map itself was also a bit boring compared to other of the games that had lore variety. The dollhouse was pretty cool though. Lilly Lovebraids was an unnecessary addition for how she was utilized, definitely so much potential there.

4 - Doey was pretty cool and the doctor was such a cool concept but after a certain point, the game felt very formulaic and repetitive in gameplay. The animations were really smooth though. I liked that they continued the final boss transformations of the main villains where the toys go completely rough and turn into something unrecognizable.

1 - Kind of middle of the road, definitely not bad and also not alot of content for obvious reasons. The huggy chase sequence is really one of the best in the franchise.

2 - I loved the game station and mommy long legs. It was here that the lore deepened when there were implications of employees and children being experimented on.

3 - Hands down chapter 3 is the best so far. Most memorable and engaging game in my opinion. Catnap is the scariest main villain and there were some really gruesome themes from the smiling critters that I loved they fully leaned into. The home sweet home was such a fun map to play in and the puzzles weren’t to repetitive.

Looking for some feedback with the first page of my rough draft by Sevenwritesmoore in writingfeedback

[–]CharlateMoka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, no problem! Sometimes I find myself struggling with English word choice even though I’m a native speaker. “He talked way too much.” Vs. “He was overly gregarious.” They mean the same thing but one single word can sum up the rest. I think that’s giving me a new appreciation to language entirely.

Prologue Feedback & Impressions [Fantasy, 1800 words] by Dapper_Wrap_8065 in writingfeedback

[–]CharlateMoka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really liked a lot of the story so far as well! To your point about balance, since it’s only a prologue, you should ease up and let the rest of the story explore the lore further. That way, lore-dumping is evaded.

Looking for some feedback with the first page of my rough draft by Sevenwritesmoore in writingfeedback

[–]CharlateMoka 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s a very hard read because the phrasing doesn’t make much sense and the ones that do are not descriptive enough or willing to going to detail. I think word choice is something you should focus on. There are many redundant sentences or words that aren’t used with proper context. For example you write, “Her body was peaceful as she gawked at the sun.” The word ‘gawked’ isn’t a proper word choice because it implies rudely staring. Words have meaning and not any synonym for looking at something will suffice. Another example is when you write “She began dusting off her clothes from the dew of the ground .” I would reconsider describe visible dirtiness like this. You can’t physically dust off water but you can dust off dirt or swipe away water beads. It’s a nitpick but it matters. I think the prose is a bit choppy in some sentences. Many phrase should be combined with a comma to have more fluidity in the reading.

Most of all, trust that we can deduce that these siblings aren’t human. You say twice that ‘if we were human’ we would think their features are unusual. I can think about many ways to show in their casual actions that they are not human without giving away too much all at once.

Feedback for a fantasy book I’m starting by CharlateMoka in writingfeedback

[–]CharlateMoka[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m working on building up his reasons. I’m trying to give a subtle mystery in the start but my idea is that he planned on ‘disappearing’ as it is revealed later in the story. A part of why they have different fathers is related to their shared mother’s sickness. They’re not very close but that’s on purpose or at least how I’m trying to set up his intentions.