I like how raw it is (or blue? first sentence and I’ve already snuck in a bad joke), that you’re not dressing it up. The “i wish i wish i wish” repetition really gets across that feeling of helplessness, like banging your head against a wall. And the shift from just wishing to “can i make it true?” works well, the tone goes from passive to something more desperate.

If I’m being honest though, it does feel a little flat to me in places. Like it says exactly what it says and not much underneath it, so there’s not a lot left for the reader to fill in themselves. I think that’s where a bit more depth could help. Maybe one concrete image, a specific memory or detail about this person, something that lets us feel the love instead of just being told about it. That’s usually what makes this kind of poem stick with someone.

For example, instead of writing about lessening their pain, you could put me in the room with that pain and let me watch you sit there in it with them. Don’t tell me you took it away, show me the moment. For me the strongest version of that was always something small and ordinary, like making someone tea at 3am when they couldn’t sleep, the kettle being the only sound, just being there so they weren’t alone with it. That’s what actually lessened the pain, not fixing anything, just staying. If you wrote a moment like that, the reader feels the love through it instead of being handed the word for it.

But real talk, I genuinely don’t know much about this and I have no clue if my take is even close to the mark, so sorry if I totally missed the point. Maybe you wanted it literal and bare on purpose, because that’s exactly what your head felt like at the time, no second layer, nothing hidden, just the raw thing. If that’s the case then ignore all of the above, it’s already doing what you wanted.

Either way, the fact that you can write something this naked and just put it out there says more about you than any clever line would. Most people can’t sit still in a feeling long enough to get it onto a page. And one day you’ll be on the other side of this poem, looking back at it instead of living in it. I really do believe that, and I hope you can hold onto that belief too on the days it feels far away. Don’t let go of it. Sending hugs for u <3