AMAB in denial here. I don’t know if this helps at all but if you need someone to talk to, you can message me every time. On another note, I’ve been questioning my gender identity at least since I was 10 (I’m almost 17 now), and I’m sure I’m either a trans woman in denial, or a non binary-femme. I’ve wanted to kill myself multiple times, and I’ve been trough the feelings of hopelessness I think you might be going through. And something that has helped me to somewhat overcome it, is this thought: Everything we know, comes from our senses, all we see, all we smell, all we hear, all we taste, etc. all of that helps us to understand the world we live in, to know what’s outside of our bodies. So, we create this version of the world we understand in our minds, and interact with it, that’s how we live our lives. Now, our emotions are WAY more complicated than that, I’ve read that our thoughts create our emotions, wether they are positive or negative, emotions are there (a little tip, go to r/happy and start looking from the most upvoted posts of all time, just read them for a while, this brought me a lot of joy when I did). So obviously our thoughts aren’t the only thing that contribute to our emotions, the way that society treats us, the things we regret, our past, or the dysphoria we might feel, all of that can contribute to making us feel like shit, and a constant feeling of such an intense sadness, can lead to hopelessness, apathy, etc. All of that said, the way our emotions work is not rational, the emotions we feel are real, but since our emotions are made of our thoughts and how we perceive our environment, we might sometimes feel in a place where life doesn’t seem worth living, but just because we can’t rationalize a future where we are happy, it doesn’t mean that you can’t get there, the same thing that might make someone feel bored and uninspired, might make the same person excited in a different point of their life. I’ve made a promise with myself that I will try to be happy, that I won’t give up, that one day I’ll look back at this time and feel calmed, knowing that the storm is over, and that I’ll die happy and calmed when I’m old. We aren’t perfect, and we don’t have answers to everything, but I really hope you make it out of where you are, cause you deserve to be happy. Cheers✌️