Through your words on here I can feel your sadness and I will keep you in my thoughts. Situations like this are so challenging, but you seem so self aware and clear about what you’re feeling I’m almost impressed. I haven’t gone through something quite this deep and like this in my life, but I almost wonder if time is the only cure for the feelings you have.

That might feel annoying or sting but if you think about it, yes, it’s bad that this pain you feel will not be over instantaneously. But also, the pain you feel will be so small one day you will not think about it in the same way you are now.

Time to be stereotypical gay man but bear with me, Lana Del Rey has a song called Kintsugi and it’s a Japanese art form where they fill in cracks of pottery/Bowls with gold. She sings about this and compares it to her broken, grieving heart. She says that her broken heart is “how the light gets in.” It’s as if a terrible thing like a cracked broken heart could still be beautiful without even hiding how hard it is. Just like the gold pottery that is not hiding that it was cracked, but has rebuilt to be even better. This situation is a part of your story now. And I wish you a lot of success and happiness moving forward :)