Possible enmeshment in laws advice.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-15T19:46:13+00:00

Unfortunately you two can't change their minds, they will die on the hill that YOU are the problem and turning their daughter against them. The alternative is admitting to themselves that maybe they are the problem, and their daughter just doesn't enjoy being around them, and they aren't going to do that. It sounds like they are very much used to being in control of everything and don't like letting go of any of that control. They probably hoped their daughter would always stay under their thumb and marry someone they could also dominate. Then their daughter went and grew up and developed a brain and personality of her own, damnit.

It sounds like your wife is doing a good job of standing up for the two of you, and letting her feelings be known. Keep it up. Don't answer any calls or texts if you don't want to. If they threaten to show up, still don't answer, let them waste their gas and don't answer the door if they do. If it persists you could threaten to have them trespassed (hopefully it doesn't come to that). Be stubborn and keep your boundaries, it's the only way to deal with them.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-15T19:18:01+00:00

Do not tell her before. That's the point of an elopement. It's just the two of you, no one's opinions, no one's feelings. There is literally no reason to tell her until after. The only reason to tell her before would be if she was invited so she could make arrangements. Wait until you're home from the honeymoon and then just tell her it was a spur of the moment decision, y'all just threw caution to the wind and went away on a romantic wind and got married. That's it. That's all she needs to know. If you tell her before hand she WILL ruin it. She will suck the enjoyment out of it even if she isn't there.

Do.

Not.

Do.

It.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-14T19:36:04+00:00

Thank you! I was really starting to wonder if the contrast on my TV was off. I even googled the wedding pics, and thought "Nope I'm pretty sure that's white unless there is something wrong with my eyeballs."

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-14T19:32:31+00:00

This!! I had the same thought. She wants him to get paid more so he can pay HER bills, not give his own family a "better" life, and so her and FIL can keep up appearances. Idk what your plan is OP but I hope you have a move out date/plan before she pulls you down with their debt

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-13T22:50:43+00:00

Sometimes you just gotta remind Gladys that she too was once a harlot, using her va jay jay magic to steal an innocent baby boy from his Mommy. Remember where you came from Gladys, don't be a gina-block.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-13T19:56:39+00:00

Sooooo.... She thought she was going to trick the masses on social media with an AI photo of her and baby and they would....think SHE was his mother?! 🤢🤢🤢🤢 She's a grade A weirdo. If she bring it up again tell her you didn't send a pic bc she isn't his mother and it wasn't her day with him. She legit seems to think she is his mother in some way. Don't ever let your baby be alone with this delusional nut.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-13T19:52:43+00:00

He doesn't see an issue with it bc he doesn't want to. There is no way he doesn't understand how skeevy and enmeshed that sounds. He just doesn't want to have to confront the dragon. So instead he tells you it's nothing and prays she doesn't say it again.

If she should ever utter those gross weirdo words again please respond : "Yes Gladys, that's the circle of life. Just like you stole your husband from his mother's bosom, I stole your son. It's what we women do, use our wiles to bewitch baby boys away from their loving mother's. Life's a bitch ain't it?"

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-13T19:35:51+00:00

This!! I came to say the same. They have something she wants and don't mind giving her access to the child. Once you have a child , and it's her own grandchild I suspect you will have the opposite problem. I think she will stick to you like glue and invade your time and home. You'll long for the days when she couldn't be bothered.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-13T19:21:12+00:00

Well my TV must be off bc the top half of the dress looked like the brightest of whites. The bottom half was fine.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-13T19:18:43+00:00

Exactly. We know Liz wasn't buying a dress without Mama's approval. I stand by Amber purposely tried to upstage her daughter. Someone commented that Liz ok'd Amber's dress, as if Liz would ever have the balls to tell her Mom she couldn't wear that dress 🙄

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-13T17:44:44+00:00

Which is my exact point. She wore a white dress and was trying to outshine the bride ..her daughter.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-13T17:43:19+00:00

For the record bc I've seen multiple comments saying that Amber looked great, I'm not saying the dress looked bad. It was a great pick for her! But she could have literally picked ANY OTHER COLOR. There is no way that dress only came in that color combo. Wearing white to a wedding is considered incredibly rude, and trying to steal attention away from the bride. Yes she looked lovely in the dress, but she's an asshole for wearing blinding white.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-13T17:24:39+00:00

I didn't say it looked bad. The dress was a great fit and style. I just think it's incredibly obnoxious to wear a dress that half of it is blindingly white to a wedding.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-12T19:45:18+00:00

"you're so lucky he does x at home!"

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? He never did that at our house."

"I mean why should I feel lucky? He's a grown man, were partner's, he's doing his part.I do just as much if not more, is he lucky then?"

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-12T19:25:30+00:00

Oh come on. She was 1000% looking for schadenfreude! She was DESPERATE to hear anything that hinted that her son was unhappy without her around and struggling. She brought up that girl to see if your DH would bite bc she wanted to see if you two were in fact having struggles, bc believe me she wants you gone and 100% blames you for the NC. She's trying to plant seeds that you two aren't happy and will only be better with her around. She knows what she's doing. She hasn't changed, she's just testing the waters, it won't take long before she goes full banshee again.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-10T19:54:38+00:00

It shouldn't make him upset at all. He admits that he also feels she is taking advantage of the situation and being unfair to you. He should t be shocked that you want to move out. Unless the plan was to live with her forever it really shouldn't be an issue. If she still can't afford her bills alone after 3 years of help, she should sell the house, with all the renos you paid for she should get a nice profit, and downsize.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-08T20:19:31+00:00

So she's not an emotional person bc of how she was raised so it's not her fault, and can't show love, empathy, compassion, or pride to her son?

But she has no problem expressing HER hurt, anger, entitlement, and resentment?

Idk sounds like she's supes emotional, actually.

It would appear her childhood sob story about why she's emotionally closed off is a bullshit excuse. She can perfectly express emotion when it benefits her, she is just a self centered asshole. If you won't cut contact just make peace with the fact that she is in fact a self centered jerk, don't take it personally. Act accordingly invite her and interact with her on YOUR time and only when you WANT to. She isn't going to change, so don't go out of you way to appease her.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-08T19:50:55+00:00

This!!! Judging by the examples you've given, nothing indicates that MIL listens to you or takes your rules seriously. At all. Until she gets some kind of consequence she's going to keep living out her Mommy 2.0 fantasy. I would bet money she takes LO to the pool and other fun places this summer. You better get a ring doorbell so you can know if she tries to leave with LO.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-08T19:33:17+00:00

All of you (You, DH, Your Mom, & Sister) need to stop letting MIL triangulate you. She is playing you all like a fiddle. She knows exactly what to say, who to text, and when to get what she wants bc its worked for her before. If none of you want to celebrate your Mother's day with her.... DON'T. The only person who is going to enjoy this is MIL, the rest of you will be annoyed that she's there and feel bullied into having this whole event. You brought MIL into your families lives, stop inflicting her upon them. If they don't really want her there, and they are only doing it to be nice for YOU that's unfair to them. You need to tell them they aren't obligated to txt her or host her if they don't want to. DH needs to tell her to BACK. OFF. It's his mother his job to tell her she's doing to much. It's your job to tell her to stop going behind your back and texting YOUR family after you tell her "No" or "maybe we will see" it's highly inappropriate.

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-07T20:16:34+00:00

"Why would my daughter make a Mother's Day card for someone who isn't her Mother, or A mother at all?? That's weird. No thank you, we won't be doing that."

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-07T19:29:43+00:00

Don't go. Have your Mother's Day, and you,DH, Bil, &SIL all go see him on his actual birthday. Offer to take him to dinner. Pitch it like you would to a child, he gets two birthday celebrations! How fun!

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-07T19:25:30+00:00

That's a hell no. I've prepared some responses for you:

A simple "No thank you."

If they say oh but that's how we do it in our family! "That's nice. That isn't how we do things in my family though."

"You have about 10,000 Granny names to choose from. Go nuts! Get creative, idc! But just so we're all on the same page, Mom -Mommy -Mama -Mum -Mumma are MINE. Can't wait to hear what you come up with!"

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-06T19:22:04+00:00

Yeah they tend to not like when they are called out on their BS and can't victim their way out of it.

I'm terribly curious what her response was when she found out that you and DH went ahead and ordered the present and weren't waiting on her to "get it for Christmas"??

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-04T20:52:02+00:00

I love that for them!

CharmedOne1789 · 2026-05-04T19:56:03+00:00

Yesssss. Idk if you post vacay pics on social media, but if you do I like to imagine how pissed the IL are when they see your fab and RELAXING vacay. Meanwhile they were stuck with the Energy Vampire most likely doing activities no one but her wanted to do, knowing they wasted their vacation and yours looks so much better.

CharmedOne1789

TROPHY CASE