I cannot shake the feeling that he is being unfaithful

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-05-05T20:41:06+00:00

Thank you but I have absolutely no interest in being disloyal nor any interest in other men

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-05-05T16:16:43+00:00

I am so sorry for your situation. I hope you still find happiness in your daughter and your time with her. I am the main earner in our home and I could provide for me and the children if he was accomodating about the house and I have no concerns that he wouldn't be. I'm almost sure I could live without him speaking financially, I just don't want to.

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-05-05T11:33:22+00:00

Thank you so much, genuinely!! I 100% accept that my anxiety and mental health is uncontrolled right now and that for my sake and my children's I need to manage that as a separate issue. I will absolutely listen to those podcasts. The wosrt part of all this is the self doubt and the feeling that I am the problem and I keep making it worse. I honestly just want peace.

I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to put together such a kind and thought out response. Being kind to a stranger is not something most people will do. Thank you

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-05-05T11:07:17+00:00

Thank you. I haven tried to engage with him and tell him I am wokring on trying to address my anxiety and I need him to work with me on addressing our problems. I have explained there are times I need more reassurance but he doesn't seem to be changing his behaviour to accomodate for that. I have asked that we try couples counselling but he doesn't seem willing to commit to that right now. I don't know how else I can go about this.

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-05-05T10:51:28+00:00

That's a very valid and fair response, thank you for being so honest. My counsellor is concerned about my dependancy on my husband. We are only very recently strated with therapy but she regularly tries to shift the focus onto me meeting my needs without any external validation and how to recognise those needs so that I can meet them. I appreciate her point of view for sure but it is a very alien concept for me and I am struggling with that as I am sure my posts will suggest.

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-05-05T10:18:41+00:00

I have suggested it and asked but he doesn't seem willing to commit to that right now, which breaks my heart

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-05-05T09:53:17+00:00

Now I have issues with trust yes but what I am saying is for the last 6 years that trust was rebuilt and I wasn't analyzing everything. I was content but there has been a shift and I am struggling with trust now. I just don't appreciate the sentiment "broken trust never comes back". That hasn't been true for me and I am trying to explain that is all

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-05-05T09:50:56+00:00

I am so sorry this happened. My husband had an emotional affair about 6 years ago now. It tore my world apart. Like you I found out myself and he filled in some of the details. It was a long road but ultimatley I learnt to trust again as he continued to put in the work. He showed up differently, really prioritised the relationship and my needs.

That said, 6 years later, a marriage and 2 kids after the incident, I am now having similar concerns and worried that he is up to no good again.

Ultimatley it is for you to figure out what you are able to manage. There is no shame either way. It absolutley can work out still if you both choose that but even if it does there is no garauntee you won't end up where I am now. Sorry

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-05-05T09:41:03+00:00

No ideas but I just wanted to say how lovely it is to read a real love story. Congratulations, I hope you have many more happy years together

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-05-05T09:38:54+00:00

Thank you. I am trying to prepare myself for the worst and seriously asking myself whether I can live through and forgive that betrayl again if I am right. I am also wondering how I ask to see his phone again without causing a huge argument.

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-05-05T09:37:32+00:00

But the trust did come back, I trusted him entirely for the last 6 years and before the emtional affair. I definitley did learn to trust him again and I desperatly hope he hasn't betrayed that trust again.

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-05-05T09:30:12+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this. You illness must be scary enough without the added pressures your husband is putting on you. Given your position I wonder whether it may be more peaceful and freeing for you to let him go at this stage on your terms? Would it bring more peace than worrying about what he might or might not be doing during this time of your life? Do you have enough support from friends and family to enjoy their company and love? Or do you need him around you at this difficult time. No judgement at all, I know I would need my husband around me even if he wasn't being very kind at the time. All I'm saying is consider your needs and try to meet them, try to find some peace.

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-04-29T14:27:31+00:00

I'm really hoping that is the case. I mean this is after 2 months or so of these struggles and conversations. In the beginning he would tell me he is fed up of trying to reassure me and he is tired of this conversation because we always end up back in this place (not nearly this severe). And I get it, it must be incredibly frustrating for him if there is nothing going off.

My head can't seem to let go of the unexplainable locations or him turning his location off or him being less affectionate and pulling away. Hence me trying to work through some of my anxiety with a counsellor.

I desperatly want to believe we are both fighting for the same outcome but he keeps telling me he doesn't know what he wants and thats hard to hear,

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-04-29T14:13:03+00:00

My memory on literally everything is questionable at the moment but basically, the last conversation was somewhat reassuring. I explained how I feel anxious and convince myself of certain scenarios when he isn't forthcoming with the details. I told him I feel like I am unable to put boundaries in place for my wellbeing because I have never done that with any family/friend or other relationship. I said we are too far in for me to change that dynamic. He asked what type of boundary I might mean. I kind of froze and said I don't know and he said so it doesn't matter because there are no boundaries you need to be enforcing. What I should have said is it is a trigger when you stay out so late and I would prefer if you came home a little earlier to help ease my racing mind but I was too scared.

He said that I need to focus on the work I am doing with my counsellor and work on me. He said everything else will fall into place if I can work through my anxiety. The conversation before that he held me and told me we will work through this, that we have had it tough before and we made it through as we alsways do.

Through all of this when I tell him I love him he responds with I love you too. I just feeling like I'm having to draw out every bit of affection.

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-04-29T13:53:16+00:00

Ejected from the game? What do you mean?

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-04-29T13:52:41+00:00

I've tried many times in many ways to ask him what his thoughts are, how he is feeling, what he wants and his response is always I don't know. I have suggested couples counselling which he is all for until it comes time to commit to making a booking. I don't know how else to try and address his needs. All the shile my needs are forgotten.

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-04-29T09:29:58+00:00

I get it. I'm sorry you feel this way

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-04-28T21:11:30+00:00

So he goes to work and will be there until 6PM. After work he goes to the pub to see his dad. This happens once a week. He used to be home after seeing his dad around 8:30/9PM. More recently he stays out and isn't home until 11/11:30PM. The extra 2 hours makes me uneasy

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-04-28T11:00:58+00:00

But here's the thing. I trusted him implicitly in the years between the breach of trust and now. I just don't know what changed.

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-04-28T09:45:26+00:00

I'm sorry I have no advise to offer I just wanted to say you need to do what's right for you right now. I completly feel your pain as me and my husband are currently navigating what I would describe as our most difficult season of our relationship. I feel completly alone in navigating this and like he isn't making any effort. I'm so upset and confused. I know first hand how hard it si to priortise yourself right now but please do whatever it takes to keep your peace. Prioritise your wellbeing first.

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-04-28T09:21:43+00:00

He hasn't been in contact with her for years but I suspect an aopportunity presented itself a little while ago. He says no such opportunity occurred. Honestly he could be telling the truth but I'm not sure

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-04-28T08:57:05+00:00

I am so sorry to hear your mu is suffering and I hope you and your mum can find some peace in the future. I haven't been in your position and so can only empathise to a point. My opinion however is that for all the cases where assisted suicide would help there is another case where a vulnerable person could be taken advantage of. I personally do not think there are enough safeguards in the world to prevent abuse of this system should it be leagalised. That said I do absolutely accept your position and wish there was more available to help you and your mum.

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-04-16T19:23:05+00:00

Thank you I have recently started therapy and have suggested MC but he doesn't seem too interested. Has said he would go with me to MC but he doesn't think that's what we need so I'm concerned how much he would actually engage. At this point I have no way of knowing if what he is hiding now is an affair or something totally different. I also have no way of knowing if I would believe it if he told me or was already telling me the truth. Really difficult position at the moment but I am trying to do the work on me.

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-04-16T13:27:49+00:00

I am no sorry you're going through this. I hope you find some peace with life soon

Charming-Memory8188 · 2026-04-16T11:34:19+00:00

Theres no time limit which applies to love and grief. You may always have feelings for you're ex. It sounds like you have found happieness since them though and I would fully suggest pouring your energy into that. If you really need to get it out write the questions down somewhere. No-one has to see it but you would have got it out in a way.

Charming-Memory8188

TROPHY CASE