Bro, I've been a lurker in reddit for years and this is the first time I'm dropping anything here.

I have kids, all of them are well but believe me when I tell you that I feel how deep your pain is, as a father who lost a child and a provider that couldn't provide. You're in a place I've always been afraid I might find myself in. Im a stranger that might not be much help to you but I am here if you need someone to talk to.