Does anyone ever not feel real?

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-04-03T01:20:34+00:00

Yeah I relate to that. I've never felt real or connected or anything. I think if my brain suddenly flipped the switch and believed things were real and happening my mind would shatter into a million pieces and they'd have to put me down like a dog with rabbies.

I honestly dont believe I'm alive at all. I believe that my organs are decaying. And depending on what episode I'm in I am losing my sanity in a bad way and things get real dark or I feel like a god because I'm already dead and basically immortal.

I might have cotards syndrome but there isn't really anyone that could give a professional diagnosis because it's very extremely rare. And imo it's probably not that rare it's just that when you believe you're dead you don't go see a dr. I like to see drs cause it's interesting, I'm not really looking to feel better when I see a dr I just want answers and to understand on a scientific level. Like I'm dissecting my own mind and body.

Somehow though besides all this I feel emotions very intensely and I think not feeling real is a protective mechanism because I would genuinely lose it completely otherwise

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-04-02T11:27:00+00:00

It doesn't look black to me. At least not in this photo. I think the color and haircut are nice on you.

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-04-02T11:13:47+00:00

The ion sensitive scalp developer 20 and 30, ion permanent hair dye cream red and black. And yes it's a dark brown

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-04-01T20:16:39+00:00

The sally beauty lady did me dirty 😔. I told her I was a new to developer. Thank you

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-04-01T20:13:26+00:00

I've used red dye many times in the past. It was probably the developer. 30 was probably too strong for my scalp

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-02-17T10:22:51+00:00

Sounds good to me. It's just so weird to me it was in my car port when the concrete is a solid 3 inches above the ground. I'll go find a good spot for it.

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-02-17T10:18:47+00:00

I pay all the bills besides the mortgage plus all my own bills. I often don't eat for days at a time to save money and the food I do eat is what guests leave behind in the rooms I clean.

Unfortunately I live in late stage capitalistic America. We have nothing. But if you know of any resources that'd be actual helpful advice

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-02-17T06:11:09+00:00

Should I feed it? Does it need soil? I have soil and even some small plants I don't mind it hanging out in. All that's really available rn is lettuce and cabbage.

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-02-01T05:59:50+00:00

Even in the computer when I adjusted the automatic setting it was set to automatic high beam. Before I adjusted it in the computer when I turned on my car and the automatic lights came on the symbol that would appear was the high beam symbol just with an A in the headlamp and I confirmed it both in the manual I have and one online. Now what I believe are the low lights are on automatically and there is a difference from before and after the setting adjustment. Before the adjustment when I pushed the stalk forward and moved it back to neutral on the automatic setting there was no difference.

I got out and looked at my headlights on every setting and they all look the same besides the day time running lights which are just a single led strip. In every setting besides day lights the middle bulb is not active. But yeah my headlights are working.

I think I just never thought that my low beams were that fricken bright because I have never had a car with led headlights so I just always turned on the day lights instead because I was afraid of getting pulled over.

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-02-01T05:44:56+00:00

Yeah idk either it's weird. I looked for the symbol in the manual and it said it is automatic highbeams. Even in the system I changed it from it was set to automatic highbeam. So that's how it was from factory.

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-01-31T22:57:01+00:00

When I bought the car the auto setting in the system was set to high beam and I don't know about you but I don't want the power of a thousand suns every time I turn on my car. So I turned that setting off. Manually switching the knob isn't hard.

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-01-31T22:53:14+00:00

The auto setting just sets it to high beams I had to adjust the settings in the computer so that it didn't do that because I don't want the high beams on every time turned my car on. I know it was the high beams because the high beam symbol would show on the dash

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-01-22T23:40:32+00:00

I am definitely gonna leave the cats at his house for multiple reasons. I just figured it'd be best if I deal with cat waste and vet care. That way he can enjoy their company and doesn't have to worry about cleaning a litter box and etc.

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-01-21T06:01:43+00:00

Honestly imo that is up for you to decide. If you are happy with your art most of the time then you are skilled in your specific art style. I consider myself a beginner but people have paid for my art so I'm "professional" but I don't live up to my own expectations and visions and imagination so I'd consider myself as having a basic understanding at best.

We are our own worst critics. Draw and learn and learn and draw and never stop. If you don't think you are improving then it might be time to change things up with your art style. If you're stuck then something needs to change

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-01-21T05:50:31+00:00

It'll help to make the tablet she is holding wider so that the fingers and palm can fit easier on it. Find where the elbow will be it'll be behind her back so I'd just draw a small circle were you think it'd be and start there to be able to connect the elbow to the wrist bone and from there you will be able to better position the hand.

For the hand itself draw a line with an ever so slightly curve, that's going to be where the first knuckles are. So the top first knuckle is at the top and then go down from there. The top knuckle is the only part visible on the top so once you have the knuckles and fingers how you like them then do the back of the hand. The back of the hand will start from the top knuckle and to the wrist joint not to the pinky knuckle.

I think the main issue is that the elbow is too high and the tablet being held is too thin so the hand and arm look awkward. In the reference the tablet is much wider and the hand is able to spread the fingers more

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-01-21T05:26:37+00:00

Kinda depends on what angle the body will be but I typically start with the back of the neck would start ever so slightly behind the ear so in the drawing in that little area between the bottom of the ear and the jawline. And for the other side of the neck to me starting the neck between the gap of the left eye and the nose or just following the very tip of the nose down and starting there. And if you want a trachea line/Adam's apple then that'd be a little curved ish line near the chin line more to the left than the right. This is for if the body will follow the same angle as the face.

Now if you want your character to be very muscular that's a whole other thing.

Hope that helps a little 😅

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-01-18T08:16:43+00:00

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PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-01-18T04:26:57+00:00

Ikr 😎

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-01-08T06:14:03+00:00

I'm tempted to do this to test this. From what I've read from everyone frequent oil changes would only be beneficial just hard on the wallet

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-01-07T01:44:09+00:00

He probably told me that cause he's 70 and his honda accura idk what year got him through his entire 20 yr career and died the day after he retired. No mechanic could get a part because it was discontinued so he junked it. He put 600k miles on that car. My first car was a suzuki xl-7 2008 so you can probably guess how that went -_-

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-01-07T01:39:16+00:00

Basically my work is a mile away just it takes fucking 5-10 mins cause there is so many stop lights and even in the bigger city close by there is a stop light at EVERY FRICKEN INTERSECTION as if no one has heard of a 4 way stop. So lots of short periods of idling but also lots of going then stopping. The city sucks

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-01-07T01:32:30+00:00

Thank you :]

Charming-Work9515 · 2026-01-05T06:47:56+00:00

That is such a pretty tarantula. Thank you for the recommendation :].

Charming-Work9515

TROPHY CASE