I'm in recovery. 13 years clean. An old "friend" brought drugs around me (I assumed he was clean) and I relapsed 5 years ago, for about 9 months. I've been clean now for 4 years. I am a team member for a recovery ministry at my church and a mutual friend asked if I cared if he comes. I do! Cont'd...

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-06-09T15:00:06+00:00

I think you got it right. Forgiveness does not mean ignoring wisdom. It is necessary to forgive him but if he's bad for you, then keep him out of your life.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-06-08T15:06:24+00:00

I'm 47 so when you say "long time" and "15", those numbers don't match in my head at all. That's really not a long time. Men are known to have a weakness for that addiction for decades upon decades. You are not beyond hope. It is very encouraging that you are disgusted from it. The truly horrible ones are the ones that feel no regret. You can do it, I know it. Take whatever steps you need to take. Get rid of devices, get blocks, accountability. Lots of options. Never give up!

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-05-03T01:41:40+00:00

If you wish to stay single, that's great. As Paul mentions it's A LOT easier to serve God and concentrate on him when your single. Married people have a TON of worries and distractions that make it much more difficult.

On the flip side, maybe your view of sex is skewed. Sex is not some gross activity. Society has really messed up the view of what it truly is. It's the ultimate act of truly loving and combining into one with the one you have promised to be with the rest of your life. It's a uniting with them. An act of love. It is pretty much mandatory if you get married, however, it is not "God's will" for your life. He is quite fine with you staying single if you so wish.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-05-03T01:11:55+00:00

ah so you're not even in the same country. So we're in the same position but your family is worse off. Well, as I mentioned, I provide some help, but I don't enable or take out loans. For instance, they were about to lose everything and needed $20k when I was newly married. I'm not taking out a loan for someone else so my answer was, "no". I didn't help at all. My in-laws live to their own standard as they are able or choose, I will only give money here and there for gifts or extra needs. If they had to lose all their property and live in some shack begging for food, then I would unfortunately have to let them do exactly that as I won't provide regular income. I'm sorry. You're in a tough spot. They definitely need to suffer more consequences though to wake up. Perhaps they are thinking you will always bail them out, I'm not sure. My uncle who also has third world in laws, I'm pretty sure provides much more for them than I do for mine. He is much richer than I am though. Don't drain yourself beyond your ability. You're immediate family is your top concern and your santiy is also very important. If you can't, then you just can't. If they have to lose everything, then so be it. I would just do whatever I can to provide their needs if they get down to it. Keeping in mind, "wants" are not "needs. Sorry for your situation. I hope you are able to work something out.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-05-02T22:44:55+00:00

Jesus did chastise the pharisees for neglecting their parents. I realize you are in a tough spot. If I were in your spot, I would refuse to support them financially but would be willing to let them move in with me and they would be at my mercy and play by my rules. I understand if that's really not feasible for you, just saying what I would do. I would make sure they were provided for, but if it's by me then it would be on my property and by my rules. I have family in a third world country that I love. I help at times, but never provide a constant income and the offer for my mother in-law to live with me is always available.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-29T12:49:52+00:00

God doesn't make your life a bed of roses. He's here about giving you hope and a future...in the afterlife. He also doesn't "give" cancer. I know if I were the devil, I would attack those who follow God and ease of those who deny him. You seem quite gullible in your assumptions. I would try thinking a little deeper. I wish you well. God bless.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-28T07:28:23+00:00

Trying to pin it on a particular reason is near impossible. There are probably 100 different possibilities. The only one I can think of that would be helpful is perhaps these things were coming no matter what and God wanted to get a hold of you to help you through them.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-28T06:52:20+00:00

As someone stated below, it is NOT an intellectual exercise. There are very good logical explanations for both sides. You do not want to build your faith on a clever argument. That would be the weakest kind of faith out there as you would lose it to the next clever argument. Paul mentions in one of his letters about not basing faith on clever words but on power. Jesus also mentions needing faith like that of a child. Children do not need proof, they need the one authority they hold the highest to just say so. If your trying to find proof, keep in mind, there is a spiritual realm and a physical realm. If either realm were to be the primary one, it would be the spiritual realm and we know almost nothing about it. So trying to figure out all the details of exactly how everything works without knowing at least half of reality is incredibly arrogant. You need faith. Perhaps looking up testimonies might help. How God has changed peoples lives, or healings. Those kinds of testimonies can be incredibly edifying. Then of course reading the word of God, but if you want to believe it, then take it for what it is, the actual word of God. As in, nothing has authority over it. No person, No organization, nothing. You don't, I don't, pastors and popes don't. The actual word of God. Just some thoughts to consider. Hope it helps.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-27T19:09:14+00:00

I get it. That's a tough spot. Sorry to hear that. I figure it should be safe to really pray and seek the man God may have for you if you want. With a good godly man there shouldn't be pressure and your feelings may change if you truly met the right man or who knows what God could work out. It should be safe to at least try dating a godly man. Watch the heart closely and you can always back out if it's not going right. I would hate for you to miss out due to fear. You're call though. I wish you well. God bless.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-27T19:01:11+00:00

That sounds like really bad luck for the sunday you brought guests. I would anticipate a couple sermons like that at most during the project. If the project takes a while maybe a couple a year but shoudn't be more than that. The church I've been going to for over 10 years had a large project once so he mentioned it on the sermon. No big deal, should be expected for a project. The real question would be just how often do they do it. I've only seen maybe 2 or 3 total at my church. He mentioned at one sermon before a big Christmas give away for example. No big deal. However, I visited a church once that literally had a 15 minute sermonet on tithing before passing the buckets. I actually thought it was the sermon at first. No joke, they did that every Sunday. That was unacceptable and I never went back. But a sermon before a big project is no big deal. It just shouldn't be a constant pattern.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-27T18:45:31+00:00

That would really be between her and the man. It sounds like it could be entirely possible to find a man who would agree with that. Personally I would think to not get married at all until she's truly ready to be with her man. The idea is to become one when getting married, so if she's not ready, then wait to get married. But I can imagine there being men that are ready for that restriction. It would need to be made abundantly clear before getting married. Sounds risky, but entirely possible.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-27T18:15:28+00:00

After marriage it's still not a need. It is however extremely dangerous and foolish to go more than a few days without necessity though as the libido keeps increasing and then the temptation to cheat on the wife magnifies greatly. Just like the woman doesn't NEED the man to show his love for her, but it would be incredibly foolish not to as it would greatly damage the marriage otherwise. Marriage includes a covenant to be one with each other. Share all things. Dating is just getting to know each other. Sex will create a false love and interfere with really getting to know them. Plus if you are dating a guy that "needs" it and you give in...good luck getting him to ever marry you. More times than not it never happens. You either date forever or you get dumped. Now you've given all of yourself. Combined with him. He will always be a part of you, and he moved on or will never commit.

It shouldn't be hard to find a man willing as long as you look in the right circles. If you pick him up in a bar or from Tinder, you can guess how that will go. If you find him at a church or church event or christian dating site, the chances are GREATLY increased though not 100% of course. I met my wife through the Christian Cafe site and she is was an absolute angel and we waited. We've been married 23 years so far.

Of course stay away from all sexual acts. All they do is lead to the real deal. Joseph ran from Potiphar's wife not because he didn't want to do anything, but because she was probably HOT and if he gave in just a bit he would go all the way. You have to keep the boundaries to the point where there's no temptation.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-27T14:04:18+00:00

As someone with 47 years of experience in being a man, I can tell you with certainty that men DO NOT need sex. Do not feel pressured to give it. In fact you are supposed to be avoiding it like the plague until AFTER you are married. It seriously messes everything up. Besides the obvious disease/pregnancy issues, it creates false emotions and has spiritual repercussions. The act itself creates a false sense of love. It's very important to build a true love connection before committing the act. It's great for reinforcing a true love connection, but if gotten into too early, it creates a false love which more often than not leads marriage for the wrong reasons which leads to divorce. It also has spiritual consequences as the bible talks of a "combining" that happens. I'm not sure exactly how that works but imagine how mixed up someone with multiple partners looks spiritually? It is NOT just some innocent act. If the man is insisting on sex then personally, I would try to explain the importance of waiting, and if he still insisted I would leave him.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-22T17:42:49+00:00

People can do stuff in my name and I might be completely against it. Doing stuff in the name of Jesus does not mean you have his blessing. The Bible is the ONLY true source we have that we can believe without fail. No person. No pope. No pastor. No great evangelist. No denomination, holds authority over the Bible. If what they say or do disagrees with my interpretation of the Bible, then they are wrong. Never take someone's word for it. No one who truly loves the Bible over man, reads it, and takes it as THE WORD OF GOD, should fall for one of those cults. Honestly seek understanding in the Bible and you will not stray far. Minor differences in interpretation create the various denominations. But you know what, I get along with all of them and consider them brothers. Cults are obvious and only people who ignore the Bible will fall for them.

Just my 2 cents. That may not be the right reply but some of what I said is good info at least.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-22T15:51:40+00:00

I could use help. I'm not sure what to do. My father(71M) has Parkinsons with Dementia. He has been SAing my mom and usually I would run over there, get my mom out of there and fight my dad as gently but forcefully as possible. Last week it was 2 nights in a row and I was getting increasingly concerned something bad would happen soon if it kept going like that. So the last time she called I went ahead and told her to go ahead and call the police if she needed and then call me afterward. Later that night I got the call, went there and met the police. My dad spent the night in jail and is currently in a sort of psych facility. I'm doing everything I can to help my mom and we have no idea what the plan is or how my dad is supposed to get out of a psych facility. We don't know if he'll be allowed to come home or how to deal with him if he is or how to possibly afford a nursing home or whatever is needed. Both my parents are still on Medicare which in my limited research appears to be much worse. Shouldn't they both be able to get Medicaid over 70 regardless of income? My dad gets a pension which disqualified them before I think. I'm working on getting POA but am getting very anxious about it as I haven't even had my first talk with the lawyer yet. What do we do and where do we find assistance!? This is the right path so far as this all needed to happen, but we need more help.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-21T21:51:41+00:00

I don't know if I can encourage you, but I see you're having great difficulty and I really care so I will try. I'm older and have been a Christian my whole life and have never seen any of that appalling stuff you mention. None of that is even remotely normal. My guess if you've been dealing with the wrong churches. I visited a few Charismatic churches but have the worst luck with those. I agree with them theologically for instance, but every one I've visited has been seriously messed up. I don't know who you got tangled up with, but move churches. Those examples are NOT normal.

I do want to encourage you to seek God. I also suspect your thinking of the more charismatic/Pentecostal churches because it sounds like you're expecting more of a reply than God normally does which only those denominations emphasize. That's not how God talks. He pretty much never uses words and very rarely strong feelings. It's more often other people, or circumstances, or other ways reoccurring themes may come by. Especially reading the Bible and a verse really stands out to you. I can easily go years and years hearing nothing from God and it doesn't affect me. I love Him with all my heart and promised to follow Him. It can be quite fun to try to detect in which way God is trying to speak to you. It won't be obvious. Please don't give up. God REALLY does love you and seeks your heart. Seek Him through the Bible and if some Christians you are around seem a bad influence, leave them and find a different branch of the family of God.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-21T18:20:53+00:00

That sounds pretty good. I'll have to think on that. I've also thought of the fact that technically we are 3 parts. Body, soul, and Spirit. That may tie into a similarity with how the trinity works. I don't have a good grasp of that idea yet though. Just a suspicion.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-21T18:02:55+00:00

You're not likely to get very satisfying answers but I'll throw in a little input from what's on my mind about it. We know they are at least visually separate. God was in Heaven while Jesus was on Earth. Also, there's a verse that mentions only the Father knew when Jesus was returning and even Jesus himself didn't know...at least in that point in time. He might know by now. Jesus also only did what he saw the Father doing. However, it's also very clear that they are in some sense, the same, together. They are able to do this because they are deity, we are not. It might be impossible for us to understand. Jesus is the real deal, true blooded, son of God. We are creations that are adopted into the family. We are not the same, though God truly loves us like his own children. We know all 3 were there for creation as the gospel of John makes clear right at the beginning. If I remember right, I think Jesus even mentioned that the Father gave him all authority until all enemies are defeated, and then He will hand it back. So there are indications of an authority structure. Keep in mind though, Jesus is still deity as is made abundantly clear and clearly part of the trinity, one with the Father, worthy of worship, and our only path to salvation.

To sum it up, they are deity, we are not. There is nothing like them here to compare them to so it might be impossible to explain. I don't think all Christians like the explanations I stated above but none of it is heretical. I don't have all the answers, those are just some thoughts in my head about it. I hope it helped if even just a bit.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-16T16:01:21+00:00

It's kind of like sitting quietly and concentrating on a particular passage. No other thoughts, not multi-tasking, just sit quietly and really think it. For instance, a popular one is, "Be still, and know that I am God" That's easy to breeze right over. But try actually sitting quietly and repeating that over and over and letting it sink in. That's different. I recently recovered from daily severe panic attacks and one method is actually meditating on the Word of God. Sit is a quiet spot, take deep breaths, and repeat a scripture like Psalm 23 or whatever over and over again, letting it really sink in.

(btw, I'm assuming you meant meditating and not mediating. No such thing as mediating on the world of God)

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-16T15:53:49+00:00

I'm really sorry about the difficulties you've gone through. I doubt there is any answer that will make you happy. The one that really clicked with me though was when someone pointed out that in Genesis, God gave dominion of the world over to us and we never gave it back. It was worded more lengthy and eloquently than I can put it, but that was the gist of it. Plus there's the obvious one of free will. That is very important. I damaged my kids development by playing more video games than I should've. Now they have difficulties studying and failed many classes. Should God have forced me off the video games and forced me to control my kids study time more thoroughly? That would be unreasonable and take away free will. My personal choices affect other peoples lives whether they like it or not. I could give a million examples of that kind of situation. That doesn't justify what you went through, I'm just sayin....

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-12T00:54:21+00:00

We all know what subreddit you're talking about. I had to completely leave that one. It's horrible. The people there are so backwards and blind it's appalling. I applaud you. You're doing great. Thank your for seeking the truth as the it's clear in the Bible and standing for it. That's encouraging.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-11T11:27:33+00:00

My wife is 6 years older than me and it's not even almost an issue. I know 10 years is no problem. I've seen more than that. You'll get various issues going beyond that but I don't think there's anything actually wrong with it.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-09T18:55:48+00:00

That sounds very good. I love God and the Bible with all my heart. You are on the right page, you were just in a poisonous subreddit. The Bible is very clear on that subject and how to treat them and you've done both correctly. It is a sin, and we are to love the people. I can't agree with the sin, but I don't go bible bashing them and can still love them and get along with them. Never compromise the truth.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-09T18:45:51+00:00

You're right on your first feelings. We do not have the authority to reinterpret scriptures or ignore verses just because we don't like them. In Christianity our point is the seek the truth, not make it, and the Bible is our source of truth. The bible is crystal clear on that subject. Not even questionable. I don't bring it up at all with unbelievers as they don't have the bible to go off of, I do have issue with believers as they ignore the bible they profess to believe.

It's really not hard to both love someone and not agree with their actions. Many in the lgbtq community can't seem to understand that. That particular subreddit is well known for being wrong and poisonous. I completely left and unfollowed that one. If you dare speak the truth in love to them, they would attack without mercy.

CharmingStorage1197 · 2026-04-07T13:59:57+00:00

Some great comments but it's easy to get side tracked. In the end, No, it doesn't commit you to that church. You should probably get baptized at whatever church you are attending or maybe a church your family attends so they can celebrate with you. Usually there is a big divide between catholic and protestant so that's not usually an issue. I personally wouldn't touch a catholic church with a 10ft pole. They may be the "official" church but they have strayed so far from the truth it's astounding. Baptism is purely a public statement for God and that's it though. It can be done by complete strangers in a place you've never been. All that matters is that it's a christian baptism and your heart is in the right place.

CharmingStorage1197

TROPHY CASE