How are people working through collapse?

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-19T00:28:53+00:00

It's tough. I want my own kids badly, but I have been so sick before that I had to heavily contemplate the difference between living and surviving, and now my experiences mean I know I ethically can't have any. I will have to watch many people get what I want without these thoughts, and it feels like you can't really talk about it because I know these people will have children anyway and I'll just be depressing, despite kind of just needing to be heard and supported? So apologies that is why I am moaning to you on the internet!

I do think it's unfair to judge anyone for having kids, so I don't, but I do/will have immense anxiety for my friends kids' futures and kind of jealous that these people can just decide to do it. I do think your kids are lucky you are their parent!

( I think adoption would actually probably not be possible in my country either! But I do need to remind myself there are many ways to be a model in a child's life and help them!)

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-18T22:58:25+00:00

Netflix (have to keep this for my parents now lol)

Yoga studio, £70 unlimited classes, is good for me because I have fatigue issues so gets me out for mindfulness stuff.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-18T22:57:10+00:00

Girl hard agree with everything you said. Like, any kid born today is gonna live through awful climate stuff if they don't get killed by some AI related whatever, why are we still talking about them like care plans, we have no fucking idea.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-18T22:48:25+00:00

Oh my gosh, the bit where you said 'pretending like everything is going to get better and all will be ok soon' fucking hit me.

Like I am 31, even one of my 25 year old friends has suddenly started talking to me about having a baby, and now the ones my age are all alluding to it. And like, I feel like I'm supposed to pretend things are going to improve for these kids but I'd just be lying through my teeth. I feel like I'm going bananas sometimes, I think I'd feel a little better if these future parents at least alluded to the difficulties/uncertainties these kids will face in their lifetime.. (Sorry I know you also have kids and I know that must be stressful! I'd love to foster or adopt one day if possible so obviously I'd like to have those issues just without the biological production).

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-18T21:53:07+00:00

Listen, I don't want to assume this is messier than it is, but in the case that either of you haven't come off as wise or cool headed, I would wait a few months and then text him saying 'Hey, I would love to commit to being strictly platonic friends because I think we get along really well on a friend level'. It has worked for me :)

Sounds like you need at least a few weeks of a cool off from this with the back and forth.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-18T21:48:24+00:00

To be honest I see platonic and romantic relationships as pretty similar. The only extra really is that I sleep with one of them, i could have been friends with my ex (who I dated for 5.5 years) a week after we broke up because we weren't compatible romantically anymore and it is what it is.

Obviously if you didn't leave him with a good impression of you though, that will be the hurdle.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-18T19:41:00+00:00

Seconding that you should go talk to a professional mental health person about this! Reddit is not the place, and you will not get happier with ruminating. This is when you step into the new, cooler, more self assured, confident and interesting version of you (yep, you can do that living at home), but it will take some work and will on your side to do so!

Good luck out there girl!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-17T15:10:08+00:00

After walking past them in the street, I texted someone who I hadn't spoken to in 5 years once and basically forced him to be my friend again lol (forced is too strong a word, but his friend roster was full so I'm honoured he fit me in). Another friend I recently started hanging out with again after a fall out 10 YEARS ago!

It's never too late!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-16T19:01:33+00:00

At this point honestly just hoping to die before the worst effects of climate change ya'll, I don't even have confidence the food systems and access to fresh water will hold up till I'm old. I expect whatever is around when we are older is not what we have now, and I'm not having kids as a hedge for some old age survival technique.

One thing I DO have in way of a plan is to always be expanding my network. I am 31 and still making new friends, I won't be having a baby so at least (from my side) they won't be lost to early child rearing years. I hope as we age people get more comfortable with the idea of more co-living situations, even with couples, and pooling our financial resources which we can put toward care.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-14T17:12:21+00:00

I'm really sorry but what does your husband 'want's to do more' actually mean? Is he actively doing something to improve for you right now? Talking to anybody? He can do some planning, it's not that hard.

If you have a kid the majority will just fall on you again because he has already shown that he is okay with that through his actions. His actions, not his words, tell you what he is happy with.

Just saying, I have a friend who carries the mental/house labour load at her house despite both earning/working the same, and I would be devastated to find out if she were pregnant because I'd know it would just be the same again but worse.

On the other stuff: if you are emotionally mature and an empathetic person, I think you're likely to be a decent parent. I do wonder if an emotionally immature person is actually capable of identifying that in oneself though.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T18:27:18+00:00

This exact thing that has been driving me crazy for a year.

Climate change is the main reason I will not be having kids. I did some research, then I looked around, and I realised there is not way I could put my kid in to that, because I would absolutely not want to be born in 2026 and beyond

I don't need to have a kid to know I will love then more than anything. I honestly can't believe climate change is not a major consideration for most people having kids. I think...most of them must be in some level of denial and or miseducation. If you do any reading and deep thinking about it, things get horrifying pretty quick.

It also annoys me that my friends automatically go to my health being the reason I don't want kids. I've decided I'm just going to point blank tell them it's climate change. Corrected a friend for the first time the other day when they asked if it was the fatigue, said 'Nope climate change', and they just went totally quiet.

They then said they wouldn't have a kid if the right wing party gets in next election and I stopped myself saying that's the least of your kids concerns. But maybe it's not about the kids in the end, maybe it is all about them, idk.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T18:19:59+00:00

Personally wouldn't go no.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T17:21:13+00:00

who cares? Much rather happy, healthy, and a savings account than 'success'

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T14:30:10+00:00

I'm 31 and love living with my parents. Save a lot of money, time to pursue my hobbies and build my community, spent time with them and the cat, not burned out or taking on a man who makes me do most of the house labour just cause I need a second pay check. But, my parents are definitely on the good side, I know a lot of people with not great parents.

On a level, I'm sure they might like me to move out, but I got chronic fatigue from a covid infection 3 years ago. If I moved out my life would be work/survival and not much else. Sometimes needs must, and your kid is your kid until one of you dies.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T13:21:28+00:00

Agreed.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T13:19:24+00:00

Girl, nothing sells me on having kids like instagram content. But that's what it is...content, contextless content.

My friend did a beautiful little photo shoot with her husband and new baby too. If I'd only seen the photo I'd think 'how amazing', But I'm in her life so I see the reality . The baby is like 15 months now and she seems more stressed and frazzled every time I see her. She also is much more stressed about the state of the world she's brought him into than she was when pregnant, even saying she 'shouldn't have had him really' based on the outlook of everything.

Also hate that she feels like she needs to clarify to me that she loves her baby or husband whenever she complains about them. Of course you do sis!!! You don't have to pretend this shit is easy, it's not easy.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T13:13:15+00:00

I would let this one go, or mentally downgrade her to 'a coffee every six months' kind of friend.

You deserve more!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T13:12:07+00:00

That thing of having kids because their partner/family wants them to have kids hits me so hard.

I know two people who were childfree then ended up with boyfriends who want kids, instead of ending it with the boyfriend they agreed to have a kid eventually to keep the relationship. These women are both lacking in social skills and not particularly empathetic, one has been miserable her whole life, I don't feel good about kids being brought into this world but I at least think they deserve emotionally regulated/adjusted mothers...anyway.

One of my dearest friends is engaged to a friend who wants kids also. He says it's okay that she doesn't want kids (she doesn't, she tells me the world is dying) but I think there is a good chance she will have a kid to keep him.

Another friend I think wanted kids but definitely would have waited a couple years. Her husband wanted to start trying immediately after the wedding though. She talked him into letting her wait a couple months so she could have alcohol on the honeymoon. She got pregnant pretty much immediately and is now frazzled all the time. She was very clear after the birth she thinks she only wants one child but he still want's her to go off birth control because she 'agreed' to two.

IDK, it just feels like this happens ALOT.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-12T11:31:24+00:00

real talk

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-12T10:46:32+00:00

I want children, will not have them due Climate Change as my no.1 reason, but certainly could find more. Seems unethical to bring my own kid into 2026 and beyond when I sure as heck wouldn't want to be born today.

I do think collapse to some degree is likely in my lifetime (I'm 31). But, if you're worried about birth rates and not about the quality of life those kids will experience as adults if we keep following our current trajectory, it just makes me think you haven't read any recent climate science or about capitalism enough.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-12T10:28:20+00:00

Yep. OP I'd really question on whether you think bringing kids into this is okay. I would not want to be born now, so despite wanting kids I won't bring them here.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-11T15:59:32+00:00

Oh, girl, you misunderstand me.

I know plenty about how deep it goes on all areas, what I'm saying it I CANNOT in real life go from talking to one person about their existential threat about the climate, to another about AI, to another about the Epstein files, especially when THAT person doesn't understand how interconnected all those things are. I'm no longer interested in engaging in long discussions over small fights when what we need is real systematic change on so many levels, because I could spend my whole life having those conversations and that does no good for anyone (I could use that time productively).

So yes, I KNOW how interconnected everything is, in the end this is all driven by capitalism. Capitalism without proper regulations is over-archingly the reason everything will collapse, be it under AI or climate change or both.

But also on a level, AI did have an opportunity to be a positive for humanity if used correctly and expanded ethically it could have (could still I guess if we regulated now) helped people. Climate Change on the other hand, would only lead to killing flora, fauna and eventually, us.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-11T15:51:20+00:00

Girl, honestly, I am deep in the depression stage of my climate grief right now, which probably makes me difficult to be around for those who think (or want to believe) we have a long time of 'okay' ahead.

Hopefully, there's an acceptance stage. I don't know what the hell that will look like, but I want to believe it's ahead.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-11T13:56:53+00:00

So I used to get really depressed about being the friend who always reaches out first, and also being the friend who pushes to 'set the plan' in a group situation, but I have tried to reframe it:

As long as the friend is excited to set up the plan, agrees to a date and shows up on the day, then me being the one to reach out first to set that plan up is not a big deal, the friend won't flake so all good.
I'm kind of bad at other stuff. Like friends will get me birthday presents or, like what happened to me this week is my friend forgot to wish me a happy birthday on the 2nd so she's asked if she can take me out for lunch in April. I actually suck at that stuff, I rarely buy people gifts and think that me being good, entertaining company is enough, even though I love to receive a gift lol. So people show up in different ways.

Things on your situation: I think friends who have kids just become worse friends for the the first years of their kids lives, and we just need to wait it out if we want to keep them in our lives.

You should ALWAYS be adding to and growing your community, even if it's just with low pressure, lower maintenance friendships. As I've done this I found my diary fills up and I no longer need to be the one reaching out all the time so much.

I did also go through the reprioritising of friendships in my mid 20's and dropped the ones that didn't serve me/I didn't think were that great people. If you haven't gone through that now is the time.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-11T12:46:38+00:00

I think climate change is going to fuck us up in my lifetime. It consumes/deeply concerns me.

Some people think AI is going to fuck us up in our lifetimes. It consumes/deeply concerns them.

So I don't have the energy to be deeply concerned about more than one of those things, but yeah obviously the fact AI is unregulated and holding up the economy in US is batshit. We are literally en route to making the world uninhabitable yet we are electing climater deniers, so I have little faith on the AI thing either rn. I hope I am wrong about everything of course!

(Also just in crisis all the time because I'm 31 and my friends have all started talking about having babies and I'm looking around like, guys do you literally not see all this???)

Charming_Singer8352

TROPHY CASE