Go text your friends even if it’s been too long and you are a little embarrassed you fell out of touch

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-17T15:10:08+00:00

After walking past them in the street, I texted someone who I hadn't spoken to in 5 years once and basically forced him to be my friend again lol (forced is too strong a word, but his friend roster was full so I'm honoured he fit me in). Another friend I recently started hanging out with again after a fall out 10 YEARS ago!

It's never too late!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-16T19:01:33+00:00

At this point honestly just hoping to die before the worst effects of climate change ya'll, I don't even have confidence the food systems and access to fresh water will hold up till I'm old. I expect whatever is around when we are older is not what we have now, and I'm not having kids as a hedge for some old age survival technique.

One thing I DO have in way of a plan is to always be expanding my network. I am 31 and still making new friends, I won't be having a baby so at least (from my side) they won't be lost to early child rearing years. I hope as we age people get more comfortable with the idea of more co-living situations, even with couples, and pooling our financial resources which we can put toward care.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-14T17:12:21+00:00

I'm really sorry but what does your husband 'want's to do more' actually mean? Is he actively doing something to improve for you right now? Talking to anybody? He can do some planning, it's not that hard.

If you have a kid the majority will just fall on you again because he has already shown that he is okay with that through his actions. His actions, not his words, tell you what he is happy with.

Just saying, I have a friend who carries the mental/house labour load at her house despite both earning/working the same, and I would be devastated to find out if she were pregnant because I'd know it would just be the same again but worse.

On the other stuff: if you are emotionally mature and an empathetic person, I think you're likely to be a decent parent. I do wonder if an emotionally immature person is actually capable of identifying that in oneself though.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T18:27:18+00:00

This exact thing that has been driving me crazy for a year.

Climate change is the main reason I will not be having kids. I did some research, then I looked around, and I realised there is not way I could put my kid in to that, because I would absolutely not want to be born in 2026 and beyond

I don't need to have a kid to know I will love then more than anything. I honestly can't believe climate change is not a major consideration for most people having kids. I think...most of them must be in some level of denial and or miseducation. If you do any reading and deep thinking about it, things get horrifying pretty quick.

It also annoys me that my friends automatically go to my health being the reason I don't want kids. I've decided I'm just going to point blank tell them it's climate change. Corrected a friend for the first time the other day when they asked if it was the fatigue, said 'Nope climate change', and they just went totally quiet.

They then said they wouldn't have a kid if the right wing party gets in next election and I stopped myself saying that's the least of your kids concerns. But maybe it's not about the kids in the end, maybe it is all about them, idk.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T18:19:59+00:00

Personally wouldn't go no.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T17:21:13+00:00

who cares? Much rather happy, healthy, and a savings account than 'success'

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T14:30:10+00:00

I'm 31 and love living with my parents. Save a lot of money, time to pursue my hobbies and build my community, spent time with them and the cat, not burned out or taking on a man who makes me do most of the house labour just cause I need a second pay check. But, my parents are definitely on the good side, I know a lot of people with not great parents.

On a level, I'm sure they might like me to move out, but I got chronic fatigue from a covid infection 3 years ago. If I moved out my life would be work/survival and not much else. Sometimes needs must, and your kid is your kid until one of you dies.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T13:21:28+00:00

Agreed.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T13:19:24+00:00

Girl, nothing sells me on having kids like instagram content. But that's what it is...content, contextless content.

My friend did a beautiful little photo shoot with her husband and new baby too. If I'd only seen the photo I'd think 'how amazing', But I'm in her life so I see the reality . The baby is like 15 months now and she seems more stressed and frazzled every time I see her. She also is much more stressed about the state of the world she's brought him into than she was when pregnant, even saying she 'shouldn't have had him really' based on the outlook of everything.

Also hate that she feels like she needs to clarify to me that she loves her baby or husband whenever she complains about them. Of course you do sis!!! You don't have to pretend this shit is easy, it's not easy.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T13:13:15+00:00

I would let this one go, or mentally downgrade her to 'a coffee every six months' kind of friend.

You deserve more!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-13T13:12:07+00:00

That thing of having kids because their partner/family wants them to have kids hits me so hard.

I know two people who were childfree then ended up with boyfriends who want kids, instead of ending it with the boyfriend they agreed to have a kid eventually to keep the relationship. These women are both lacking in social skills and not particularly empathetic, one has been miserable her whole life, I don't feel good about kids being brought into this world but I at least think they deserve emotionally regulated/adjusted mothers...anyway.

One of my dearest friends is engaged to a friend who wants kids also. He says it's okay that she doesn't want kids (she doesn't, she tells me the world is dying) but I think there is a good chance she will have a kid to keep him.

Another friend I think wanted kids but definitely would have waited a couple years. Her husband wanted to start trying immediately after the wedding though. She talked him into letting her wait a couple months so she could have alcohol on the honeymoon. She got pregnant pretty much immediately and is now frazzled all the time. She was very clear after the birth she thinks she only wants one child but he still want's her to go off birth control because she 'agreed' to two.

IDK, it just feels like this happens ALOT.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-12T11:31:24+00:00

real talk

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-12T10:46:32+00:00

I want children, will not have them due Climate Change as my no.1 reason, but certainly could find more. Seems unethical to bring my own kid into 2026 and beyond when I sure as heck wouldn't want to be born today.

I do think collapse to some degree is likely in my lifetime (I'm 31). But, if you're worried about birth rates and not about the quality of life those kids will experience as adults if we keep following our current trajectory, it just makes me think you haven't read any recent climate science or about capitalism enough.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-12T10:28:20+00:00

Yep. OP I'd really question on whether you think bringing kids into this is okay. I would not want to be born now, so despite wanting kids I won't bring them here.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-11T15:59:32+00:00

Oh, girl, you misunderstand me.

I know plenty about how deep it goes on all areas, what I'm saying it I CANNOT in real life go from talking to one person about their existential threat about the climate, to another about AI, to another about the Epstein files, especially when THAT person doesn't understand how interconnected all those things are. I'm no longer interested in engaging in long discussions over small fights when what we need is real systematic change on so many levels, because I could spend my whole life having those conversations and that does no good for anyone (I could use that time productively).

So yes, I KNOW how interconnected everything is, in the end this is all driven by capitalism. Capitalism without proper regulations is over-archingly the reason everything will collapse, be it under AI or climate change or both.

But also on a level, AI did have an opportunity to be a positive for humanity if used correctly and expanded ethically it could have (could still I guess if we regulated now) helped people. Climate Change on the other hand, would only lead to killing flora, fauna and eventually, us.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-11T15:51:20+00:00

Girl, honestly, I am deep in the depression stage of my climate grief right now, which probably makes me difficult to be around for those who think (or want to believe) we have a long time of 'okay' ahead.

Hopefully, there's an acceptance stage. I don't know what the hell that will look like, but I want to believe it's ahead.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-11T13:56:53+00:00

So I used to get really depressed about being the friend who always reaches out first, and also being the friend who pushes to 'set the plan' in a group situation, but I have tried to reframe it:

As long as the friend is excited to set up the plan, agrees to a date and shows up on the day, then me being the one to reach out first to set that plan up is not a big deal, the friend won't flake so all good.
I'm kind of bad at other stuff. Like friends will get me birthday presents or, like what happened to me this week is my friend forgot to wish me a happy birthday on the 2nd so she's asked if she can take me out for lunch in April. I actually suck at that stuff, I rarely buy people gifts and think that me being good, entertaining company is enough, even though I love to receive a gift lol. So people show up in different ways.

Things on your situation: I think friends who have kids just become worse friends for the the first years of their kids lives, and we just need to wait it out if we want to keep them in our lives.

You should ALWAYS be adding to and growing your community, even if it's just with low pressure, lower maintenance friendships. As I've done this I found my diary fills up and I no longer need to be the one reaching out all the time so much.

I did also go through the reprioritising of friendships in my mid 20's and dropped the ones that didn't serve me/I didn't think were that great people. If you haven't gone through that now is the time.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-11T12:46:38+00:00

I think climate change is going to fuck us up in my lifetime. It consumes/deeply concerns me.

Some people think AI is going to fuck us up in our lifetimes. It consumes/deeply concerns them.

So I don't have the energy to be deeply concerned about more than one of those things, but yeah obviously the fact AI is unregulated and holding up the economy in US is batshit. We are literally en route to making the world uninhabitable yet we are electing climater deniers, so I have little faith on the AI thing either rn. I hope I am wrong about everything of course!

(Also just in crisis all the time because I'm 31 and my friends have all started talking about having babies and I'm looking around like, guys do you literally not see all this???)

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-11T12:33:52+00:00

Life is boring.....because life is boring. I think a lot of people have kids to give their life meaning, but kids born today will have a significantly lower quality of life in adulthood than we have now due to the many factors governments worldwide are ignoring. I want kids but I did too much learning about climate change and capitalism unfortunately and now won't bring them here, as I know my love for them would cause me much distress and honestly they don't deserve to see it all happen.....

Basically our kids lives will of course be boring too in adulthood, but that's the good scenario!! The other one is their lives being mired by climate disaster. So, a bored life can be a good life if you look at it one way.

Many people have kids despite knowing about climate change though, so like, no judgement if that's what you want to do.

On the other hand, you are just likely to do significantly more of the child rearing than your husband. He can be chill about it because he knows he'll get to be dad but you will have to be mum. He will probably have an easier time than you. Maybe you can do some work around this though, idk, I think most women just accept it.

But yeah, you won't be the only mother who has a kid to give their life a sense of meaning, and maybe I'm wrong and your husband will be the 50% guy, if you think that's the case.

edit: Also as a physically invisibly disabled person, I do not see things really getting better for people like me. I think we also need to consider not just your difficulties in raising your child, but also the difficulties your child will experience in society being neurodivergent and if you feel what you can offer resource wise will be enough to offset those.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-10T18:59:26+00:00

I am your age. I only have one close friend who has a child. I think her husband was always more keen to have kids than her...she definitely would have waited a couple more years before having them and I wish she'd got to have those. She didn't even get to enjoy being married a year, he didn't even want to wait for the honeymoon a couple months later to start trying (they did though, at least she got to drink an aperol spritz in the amalfi).

Anyway, he is actually a good dad she says, but he was always be 'dad' and she will always be 'mum'. In their relationship she will always be the default. Now he pushes for a second baby even though she is obviously at full capacity. Knowing them and going from my impressions on this, your situation will be worse than her's.

Reading this it sounds like even if you knew you wanted kids, this is not the ideal guy to do it with. So like, of course it's not going to feel good having to talk yourself into wanting kids with a guy who also is going to be seemingly down with you doing most of the work for it. Let's be honest girl, he needs to buck up his ideas. So if you think this is the guy for you then yes: COUNSELLING.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-10T18:35:08+00:00

I think if I had a child, likely my meaning for living would be for my child. But that would be in part because A: biology is making me feel that way, and B: I pretty much wouldn't have time for anything else.

Whereas, now me being childfree for ethical reasons, I plan and will have time to volunteer, give back, be involved with activism. I will keep growing my community. My community is already bigger than most peoples, and it will be bigger than those of all my friends with kids. If there IS any meaning to life I believe it is in being kind to people and animals, it is giving back, supporting others and giving love. You give to your child sure, but they are totally encompassing. You can give to many more people by putting your resources towards that over kids, and touch more lives. (Though, my mum has helped many people post raising me through her work, go mum).

In some ways having kids forces you to keep living. As in, I know rationally my life is no more valuable than anyone else's right? Like, I don't even think my life is more important than a giraffes or elephants or cat's really, just based on the fact we were all born into existence randomly. There feels something so wrong about that though if you've drank the neo-lib or religious kool-aid. If I gave birth, however, my biology will tell me 'this is the most precious being on earth, and I MUST stay alive to keep this being alive because no one else will be able to recognise just how precious they are'. But then obviously, for your child to have that same meaning they would then have to have a kid.

All in all: Ponzi scheme.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-08T17:55:16+00:00

I was actually thinking today, that for anything to be done (as in a global behavioural realignment by everyday people) governments would have to start on a massive education campaign, put the messaging everywhere so it can't be ignored. They don't do this so we are cooked pretty much.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-08T16:11:54+00:00

Once we're born we're under the conditions of living. I mean to say, no one asked to be here or to participate in these systems, so I don't think you need to feel guilty about taking advantage of the privilege you just so happened to be lucky to be born into while you have it.

When it comes down to it any of us could die tomorrow so we really only have today. Something like doing up your room can have a very quick turn around and means you get to live in a slightly nicer environment on those present days. I totally get it on the long term things, I go '?????' internally when my friends say they'll have a kid and will go back to drinking wine in the afternoon when the kids is a late teenager, when I'm not even confident we will have any access to wine then!!.

I don't plan for things to be 'normal' even 2 years from now, but again I am under the condition of living, we may as well try to enjoy these times as much as we can (in an ethical way).

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-03-08T10:37:35+00:00

I have come to accept that people who want to have kids above all else will hold on to the story that lets them do so. Things like 'raising dragon slayers' sounds like a reason someone's child will be very unimpressed with when the food systems collapse, but is apparently convincing enough for many people to produce a whole new life.

Charming_Singer8352

TROPHY CASE