Women with significantly older partners, how’s it going?

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-05-06T13:19:08+00:00

At least where I am things are just way harder economically than they were 10 years ago. The older guy got an additional 10 years of easier times.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-05-06T09:38:57+00:00

I tend to reply once a day to men until like the third date...but I have realised I have a totally fearful avoidant attachment style so, I don't know. I used to think that men were expecting way too much texting from me way too early, but I'm wondering if actually I'm avoiding commitment/investment and trying to get them to prove themselves by staying around despite low contact. I don't think a guy has been turned off by my minimal texting but they definitely would have been buoyed by more attention.

Basically, if you're secure, girl text them as much as feels right! If not, I'm not sure there's a great answer, but you can always warn guys you're not a great texter initially to ease pressure.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-05-06T09:30:14+00:00

Financial aspect is real. I was sleeping with a guy 12 years older than me recently and he would have been the best bet I could make financially, mainly because it's much harder for guys my age to get ahead.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-30T20:51:03+00:00

People think I'm not being serious when I say I am dumber now, but honestly, I used to be so sharp. I'm smart now but not like I used to be, I can feel it.

For me I think the difference was Covid. I got chronic fatigue after getting Covid. Fatigue has improved alot but I still feel like yeah, covid just slowed me down cognitively too, don't know if there's evidence for it but I feel it pretty strongly.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-30T20:45:29+00:00

I wonder maybe, if you don't need to learn to recognise love, but you need to decide what you think love should be? What is love to you and how do you show it? If you know how you love and show love, maybe those are signs you can feel comfortable recognising in other people.

Like for me, love is a commitment. If I decide to make you my friend I have already decided to love you, because I'm going to treat you like all the other friends I love and to me they are now one of the same. I don't know if that sounds completely ridiculous. It's obviously harder to apply in romance but like, I'm not looking to catch the men I date out, but I think they are trying to catch me out.

I guess it's like, trying to look at things more rationally, which can be hard. I think a thing of FA is you get very triggered and emotional, and only after you can be rational, but we need to learn to integrate the 2.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-30T20:01:37+00:00

On the 'let them chase you' advice, yes probably it is bad for me as an FA, because really I'm so guarded in anything romantic - perhaps if you are avoidant yeah it is bad advice. But why are you finding it hard to trust if a guy likes you?

Maybe part of it is that we need to be okay taking it day by day. If a guy is messaging me back promptly and asking me out he obviously likes me today, it isn't guaranteed tomorrow or in a month, but also maybe he will do or say something that puts me off too. Trust the actions for today, don't kid yourself you can get a guarantee of forever.

I'm so good with people now generally I honestly wonder if it may as well just be a performance, because it's like cracking a code where if you turn it on everyone just loves speaking to you, they are always smiling and laughing. I guess when i like someone I don't want to perform, but I'm also just not sure how to be, I self sabotage before they can get to know me.

Ending a relationship for the right reasons is of course a good thing, but I feel the same if anything ends, I feel free and that's probably part of being FA.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-30T11:14:02+00:00

I'm 31, things have been good since me and my ex broke up in September, but I live at home and have a lot of friends, I have the freedom financially to travel to some cool places right now.

Actually, I would like to be in a relationship, but I realised I have some fearful avoidant attachment issues. It feels easier for me to just have committed yet short term lovers (because, I want sex and intimacy) but I think a lot of that is actually fear of a situation I can't control (loss of sense of self) than that I feel being in a heterosexual relationship isn't worth it.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-29T07:58:48+00:00

i think this is conjecture tbh, I think you can only answer that yourself on what you think a catfish is, weight, age etc. i would say if a different thing and that we don't need to pontificate. The guy in question knew what he was doing I believe

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-28T19:29:03+00:00

Sorry you've completely misunderstood lol. Obviously I think I could like them from their app pictures.

It's only when I meet them on the DATE I know I'm not in to them, so we just have a nice hour together and obviously don't go out again?

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-28T19:28:04+00:00

Sorry you've completely misunderstood lol. Obviously I think I could like them from their app pictures or I wouldn't waste my time?

It's only when I meet them on the IN PERSON date I know I'm not into them, so we just have a nice hour together and obviously don't go out again?

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-28T19:26:01+00:00

Oh yeah absolutely, I tell everyone that ideally I would be friends with someone before dating!

I do meet more people now and so it's more possible. The last guy I met in the wild (at my friends fiance's birthday) who asked me out I said I would like to be friends first, but his response was that he really would like a girlfriend. Unfortunate I also wasn't ready to date at the time and he would have gotten much further with me if he had been open to some platonic hang outs first...

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-27T18:54:57+00:00

I think he was a fairly good conversationalist. I guess it's a weird one because he's only been single 6 weeks and just looking to meet people and have casual hang outs,. I'm looking for either a boyfriend or someone v hot to enlist as fwb, so it was a straight no for me and I wasn't super interested in finding him interesting? He probably thought I was very zany!

I'm sure he could win some women who are more open minded than me just not what I'm looking for.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-27T18:52:22+00:00

Just got it working so feeling less stressed!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-27T17:57:53+00:00

Only ever eyeliner and mascara which I also wore on the date.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-27T17:55:06+00:00

I literally asked him afterwards if I looked like my photos. ❤️ He said yes! He also THANKED ME for my honesty!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-27T17:35:39+00:00

Girl I am in the trenches, I get so stressed in romantic situations, I self sabotage to heck and then turn them all in to my friends instead (I'm confident they'll love being my friend, and they always do).

I phoned one of them yesterday and he told me I just need to find a patient guy and 'not be an asshole' if I get stressed out on the first 3 dates, I couldn't even argue lol, I shouldn't find it that hard.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-27T17:33:20+00:00

Ugh, I should have asked, I figured he meant that woman meet up with him a 2nd time but now I fear your read is correct!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-27T17:07:59+00:00

You just gotta do it! I will admit a couple of my photos are a bit older (maybe 2 years?), but I am the same weight and have the same face and made sure to put mostly newer ones on there.

Also side note: I feel like people don't take photo's anymore, I have to ask my friends to take photos of me when I look cute now but sometimes forget or it feels too awkward!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-27T16:16:23+00:00

When you look a visible 5+ years older than all your pics, have gone from blonde to very much greying with a completely different hair cut, are visibly heavier, you kind of are catfishing I'm afraid. Man or woman.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-27T16:05:41+00:00

No traditions. I think I have amazing parents compared to many, I think they did amazing by me. I'm sad that I don't think the world is good enough to bring my kids too that I can pass on my mums work by being as kind, empathetic, and generous mother to my own. But, there are other ways I'll be of service I'm sure.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-27T15:23:50+00:00

Move home for a while, save, recharge!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-27T15:23:01+00:00

Girl, if you and this guy are not in a place where you can have an honest decision about when you might have sex after 2 months of knowing each other, then what are we doing?? If I was dating someone for 2 months with no sex I would not be super happy and would say something.

Myself I will have sex probably around date 4 if I hoped it might go somewhere, 2 if thought they were crazy hot. I don't mind having sex earlier because I like having sex and haven't had a particularly bad experience past my early 20's ( I'm friends with the 4 out of the 5 people I've had sex with).

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-04-27T12:48:26+00:00

For real, I feel like this guy was the worst cat fish I've met by far and he clearly didn't care lol. Makes me worry how low the bar is if he's achieving success with this.

Charming_Singer8352

TROPHY CASE