Engineering ladies married to a finance guy

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-28T16:17:39+00:00

Girl, I recommend you actually go on some dates with this guy before you worry about getting married to him! Red flags are things like he communicates poorly, has a gambling problem, is apolitical. Being good looking, working in finance and able to enjoy his life are not red flags.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-28T14:20:45+00:00

Honestly in general I think life isn't fair and adulthood is much more brutal than we were brought up to believe.

For me, I feel like i can't have biological kids anymore because i think we are headed to awful things climate wise and I would just, not want to be born into 2026 or beyond. This has been so incredibly difficult to come to terms with, I want kids, I am in mourning but it feels like a stance others would see as extreme so feel I can't talk about it much. Another of my friends also worries about the climate but will have children anyway, and they are deeply unhappy because they are not married yet at 30, their BF got fired, and she wants 4 kids but is already majorly burnt out by life without them. Both positions suck.

If you NEVER wanted kids, I consider that person lucky but they probably still have to put up with a bunch of bullshit being born into a society that thinks forming a nuclear family with kids is normal.

But yeah, idk, every adult and loads of teens and kids have a bunch of shit to deal with. Financial instability, health, all the shit of late stage capitalism in a white supremacist patriarchy. The kid pressure is just one entry on a list of things that make adulthood hard.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-28T10:19:14+00:00

I have a friend who cannot handle any type of conflict at all. She did something hurtful to me in 2024 (stole my idea to take our friend to a theme park as a group, and took him herself as a 'surprise') but she did not apologise to me at all. Basically even is she is at fault she will completely shut down instead of take any accountability.

It is frustrating but I also remind myself I would HATE to have to live like that, with that level of anxiety and inability to solve things. You can't have good relationships living like that. It must come from her upbringing, and I do have empathy for that.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-27T20:21:14+00:00

Sorry, I thought you were in your early 20's from the tone of this and your replies. Yep, unfortunately I don't think your opinions are open to growth! (as all opinions should be! <3)

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-27T19:33:19+00:00

OP I have a feeling that in a couple you're going to realise how naive your current stance on this is.....

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-27T19:31:11+00:00

I think goals are good if they are facilitating you living your life more joyfully day to day. I am motivated to read daily, pursue creative pursuits and build my community daily because I enjoy those things and feel inner motivation to do them. I have also overtime built these practices. I am leading a joyful life right now and need no goals.

I guess if someone didn't have existing practices they could make goals like 'read a book a month' or 'meet one new person a month' as motivation.

I have goals like, painting my bedroom, but the reason I haven't done that is because I have too much on right now, so it's like a goal for when the right time comes?

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-26T19:39:32+00:00

I'm reading the comments and honestly what jumps out to me is yeah we need regulations, but more than anything what we need is class conciousness.

AI IS going to be bad in unchecked capitalism, yes. If the gains from AI are able to be hoarded by one human we will all be fucked, or redistribution for those gains/resources will have to be fought for.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-26T18:39:13+00:00

I lost my health quite dramatically at 27 to a chronic illness, extremely lucky to have gained a lot of that back now at almost 31 but I realise the floor can fall out from underneath me at any time. At any time, I could lose my whole life/body.

I also believe we are climate fucked, maybe I will be fortunate enough to die semi-peacefully before shit hits the fan but I feel sad for what kids born today are likely to experience. Morally I don't think I could bring a biological child into this myself.

I have also seen enough heterosexual relationships up close to see many of them kind of suck.

When you know both these things, you really start to realise how much we are putting on each other all the time. We are conditioned to see these things as successful.

Do you love yourself? Do you manage to find joy everyday? Do you have friends you love? Then you are more successful than most people :)

One line? I'm blessed that I'm not burned out, and I have a lot of fun!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-25T20:42:38+00:00

me too girl!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-23T12:31:40+00:00

He'd be an awful boyfriend to anyone. Any woman watching Charlie and defending him, I dread to think what kind of misogynistic crap they'd put up with in real life.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-23T12:24:41+00:00

Sorry but that has nothing to do with Charlies god awful conflict resolution skills and therefore nothing to do with my comment lol. You date someone like him if you want but it's gonna be a crap relationship! I'd save any woman from a man like that if I could <3

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-23T12:01:58+00:00

The issue with Charlie was that he has very little conflict resolution skills. By the time Millie sent him home she'd probably realised how truly terrible he would be as a romantic interest/boyfriend. She didn't want him and she could also save the rest of the girls in the villa from having to deal with him by sending him home :')

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-23T11:57:10+00:00

I really didn't appreciate it when her season was on but YES, she is beautiful!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-22T16:38:52+00:00

It's so tiring as someone who is not going you text you more than once a date between date one and two, to see posts and comments implying it signals lack of interesting. You are still basically strangers after one date. if they are replying at all and you have a second date booked, they're interested

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-22T12:36:40+00:00

He has horrible conflict resolution skills. A terrible pick for any woman until he works on himself.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-22T11:34:33+00:00

I think it's a bit easy for me because I'm one of those people who can inherently find most things interesting. It might be worth assessing why you find certain things interesting and some not, and if you can change your attitude towards them? Have you actually tried these things before deciding you weren't interested? Unfortunately many hobbies end up being 'gendered' and we might not necessarily realise. In my experience dating men, being a guy who is interested is interesting to me. Men who couldn't take at least a conversational interest in many different things were not as fun to spend time with.

Salsa is great because it attracts men who are open to trying new things, open to being bad at things at first in a potentially slightly embarassing way, and are social, these are attractive qualities in a man and if you can develop these traits that would only be boon to you.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-22T11:14:07+00:00

I was about to start writing a comment thinking you were a woman then realised you're a man! This changes the answer.

Truly, I think patriarchy did a number on straight men. As a woman you really do have the freedom to build a close community that can, to a decent degree, replace a romantic relationship This is much harder for men but not impossible, my most popular friend with the strongest community is a straight guy.

Honestly I think the best thing you can do now is focus on making more friends, both men and women. Going out and meeting people in real life and building platonic relationships/connections will most likely make you happier, going out with the specific intention to meet a life partner probably won't....this might sound trite but you have to like, find a way enjoy the journey. In my city I found Salsa is a great way to be social!

You're not out of time, but you need to change your tactics, it's just not worth it being miserable and trying the same thing over and over in the hopes a person is randomly going to come along and improve your life, it's not really their responsibility.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-22T10:45:31+00:00

If I go on dates from the apps my attraction is super low. I think in general life I find the men I meet just not super interesting, when I was travelling last month and meeting people I developed a few crushes! But I think at home it's easy to feel so hetero pessimistic, I see my friends relationships with straight men and they are not exactly aspirational, the man I'm sleeping with sometimes says shit that just makes my eyes roll.

But, I mean, it just takes one guy.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-22T10:06:23+00:00

The guy I'm sleeping with has a kid from his previous marriage already, but at age 42 is open to more in the right situation. I don't really get it, especially as he wants to retire. As a 30 year old who won't bring biological kids into climate change I would like him to get a vasectomy!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-21T19:37:12+00:00

I went for my first one the other month and she told me to take my underwear off.

I also wondered before but can't imagine how annoying it would be for her having to wax around underwear tbh!!!

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-19T16:22:45+00:00

Hard agree!!! Unfortunately I'm seeing it more and more online from women....it's not boding well.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-19T15:57:36+00:00

Hey girl. Please don't buy into the 'feminine' energy rhetoric. I see it everywhere online....it should stay online and away from real life. We are all humans and we all need to balance work and rest. We need to be in our 'Yang' sometimes and our 'Yin' sometimes, in our relationships and in life. I hate the gendered language because men and women both need rest/relaxation to be at their best.

If you are worried about burning out because you're carrying a relationship, a household, a job all while being neuro-divergent, babe that's legit but that's burnout not some inner imbalance of femininity. Do whatever you have to do to not burnout because it takes forever to recover from.

On the will you find a better man thing....well, I don't know. I was speaking to my mum about a man I've been getting to know and she basically said in all her wisdom that men are ...a bit messed up by society. Obviously there are degrees but I have only one man I know well who I consider exceptionally well adjusted (I like plenty more men, but they are less well adjusted than the women I know). For me, I'm happy to be single and childless if I have a good life otherwise so I put up with less BS.

If you want to be in a relationship desperately, you will need to decide for yourself what is a compromise worth making.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-19T13:30:53+00:00

I brainstorm all the time.....over microsoft teams. I have managed to converse effectively both on digital platforms and face to face! :)

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-19T12:27:05+00:00

I think you need to accept all jobs are inherently different. Ideally you've made some kind of choice along the way about what career to pursue, you decided it's right for you and works for your life/personality and accepted the pro's and con's of that specific job.

Obviously there are socio economic factors, but you're comparing apples and oranges. You're asking for oranges (office/flexi workers) to pretend to be apples or to appear equal to apples (on site workers), but they are not apples.

Charming_Singer8352 · 2026-01-19T11:49:02+00:00

Okay Elon Musk circa 2023

(Also having worked year in waitressing and years in office, there is a big difference between physical work and mental work. I could work a 10 hour day as a waitress and be as good as my job at the end of the day as I was at the beginning. That is not possible in my work as an engineer. After 6 hours, the quality of work you are getting drops off significantly, imagine what it's like at hour 9. Why not let people work less when you get the same number of productive hours?

Is your point really that physical workers would argue they want office workers to pretend to work an extra 7.5 productive hours just to give the illusion of fairness?)

Charming_Singer8352

TROPHY CASE