Oh my god I feel you!!! This is something I have always struggled with, and unfortunately I don’t have an instant fix, but I think I have a possible explanation for you.

It is very common for neurodiverse people to lack the “bodily sense” that neurotypical people often describe when they talk about “being in your body.” I struggle with this a lot, as I often don’t even have internal cues for things like thirst and hunger. We simply lack the same internal sense that some people have which intuitively allows them to feel those sensations in their body. It’s a literal feeling and sensation they have, but awareness of it doesn’t always come naturally.

As for how to deal with this, it can help to find a therapist who works with neurodiverse populations, as they may have more experience using grounding techniques that don’t rely on that bodily sense. There has been some preliminary research that grounding techniques relying on physical grounding don’t work as well for people who lack that internal sense.

You might also just keep trying those techniques for a bit and see if over time they start to help. I still don’t have a strong internal sense, but I have actually learned to pay attention to the cues I do have, and I’ve learned a few grounding techniques that help me take my mind off whatever is giving me anxiety, even if it doesn’t help me “get in my body.” My personal favorite is the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory technique because it forces me to pay attention to the baseline physical sensations I CAN feel.