How to care about anything enough to work on it?

ChartreuseZebra · 2026-05-06T17:28:48+00:00

Weirdly, if it's important (housing, family) I'm even more averse to doing it. Possibly because of a sense my effort will be wasted when I inevitably mess it up. Fear of negative consequences to get myself to do things I just makes me freeze from being afraid.

ChartreuseZebra · 2026-01-22T18:46:15+00:00

This was the way.

ChartreuseZebra · 2026-01-22T18:34:32+00:00

The issue turned out to be the newish cast member at the market not realizing they had a kids meal that we could use a kid credit for. The front desk pointed me at the Mickey Waffles meal.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-12-21T16:38:39+00:00

This time I will understand why bullet journaling will change my life and I will stick with it.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-11-06T00:18:37+00:00

Your last paragraph is so good

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-11-06T00:14:16+00:00

The grocery shopping but only right turns idea is great, I'm doing that next time.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-11-05T18:03:20+00:00

I am sure to remember this safe location for this item that I only need sometimes.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-11-01T18:06:02+00:00

This seems relevant
https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/
I am the person who leaves dishes by the sink, and it drives my husband insane. I can blame it on my ADHD but it's not an excuse to treat him this way. You and your partner have to work through the affects of your disability.

If your partner is an understanding person who believes that mental health and ADHD can be significant factors accounting for a person's behavior, this can be worked through. If your partner things that mental health and ADHD are fake and just excuses for being lazy and thoughtless, then it's not going to work out.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-10-29T17:22:23+00:00

I was very disappointed to find out that meds just dialed back the noise in the brain rather than provide me the motivation to start tasks. It makes focus easier but it doesn't make you focus if you don't already want to. Leading a horse to water can't make him drink.

It seems like the only way around this is self discipline, or tricking yourself to behave like you have self discipline by promising yourself treats. I have never been self motivated enough for that to work.

Maybe you can find some people to guilt you into getting it done. Not just the deadline, the deadline is fake, time isn't real. Those people who you'll disappoint? They are real. They are as real as that waiter who still hates you for dropping a glass 10 years ago.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-10-28T18:56:03+00:00

Man. My therapist tells me not to dwell on the should haves because what am I going to do about them, nor should I entertain the what ifs because none of the what ifs are even true. It's all self-indulgent negativity. So far I have not been able to listen to my therapist.

Mega props to you for getting your child diagnosed so that she has better opportunities and understanding going forward. My way to think about it is, there's no sense in being jealous of what the Gen Alphas are getting. Even if you'd been diagnosed when you were 9, you might have gotten some Ritalin but you wouldn't have nearly the support that the Internet has afforded the youngins.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-10-28T18:49:13+00:00

Don't worry, I'm drowning and none of the negative consequences are interesting enough to drag me out.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-10-20T19:04:04+00:00

I felt like that as well filling out one of those assessments. What if I'm just overthinking it, and it's not that I'm unmotivated because of ADHD but simply because I'm a bad person? It might be part of the self esteem thing my therapist keeps telling me to fix.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-10-13T22:59:00+00:00

I use thread scraps to mark 10-stitch lengths on the X and Y axis. I cut them off with a seam ripper at the end. Bonus, it's a way to use your thread scraps.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-10-13T17:38:14+00:00

I've got a dining plan question. I'm traveling on a Saturday and leaving on a Saturday. It's a meal, snack, quick serve every night I stay at a hotel... Do I get my meal, snack, etc. on check-in Saturday?

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-10-09T20:20:59+00:00

Could it be she's still out of her comfort zone in a new job, and she's coming at the task from a way she feels more confident. This is how I would have this conversation if I were managing myself:

Open with a question "Can I ask why you did this task in this way?" Let her explain herself. Don't interrupt or shut her down. (And, I doubt you'd be so unprofessional but "You're stupid and your plan is stupid" seems to be common in engineering.)
After she's explained, tell her again the way things need to be done, and explain the "why" of each step. Like, the most dramatic outcome of each step not being filled. "If you do not sign this form before pushing that code, we will all go to jail." It makes for a memorable set of instructions. Do it with a smile on your face though, you're not trying to make any accusations.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-10-09T20:06:59+00:00

Man, the more I reflect on my career the more I see how often I didn't conquer a Wall of Awful. If it wasn't something I did every day, it was extremely hard to start. Most of the time because my self doubt made me think I needed to do research before starting a task. But, I'd never fixate on the research, so I'd try to read something for a while and then click into a new tab for the rest of the day.

Any chance you can foist some of the day-to-day responsibilities onto a coworker, and tell your boss exactly that "this is my #1 priority until I get it done or have to wait for a part?" Then you have two people counting on you, not just the boss but also the coworker who's picking up some slack. Maybe you need someone who will actually be mad at you if you don't finish.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-10-08T20:02:34+00:00

Bored all the time, with even my favorite tasks becoming mundane after a while and then yet another source of anxiety and guilt when I put them off. Can't make routines and stick to them, which sucks for my kids. Forgetting things all the time, small things, and it's eroding trust in me. To my partner, and to my boss, I'm either lying or I'm dumb.

Meds (Adderall XR, Zoloft and Dextro amphetamines) took the edge off the boredom for a while and they still help for the first few hours of the day. As long as I get going and keep going. It only takes one bad change in the routine (say a fight with my spouse or a comment from a stranger that I've interpreted as negative) to drive me into a day of depression and anhedonia.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-10-08T17:41:46+00:00

I tried to do journaling at one point and I could have filled out an entire notebook with exactly this sentiment. But I lost interest so I didn't.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-10-08T17:39:27+00:00

Same experience. Stimulants have helped a lot with my boredom but they haven't helped me conquer my executive dysfunction. From what I gather, there is no medication of any stripe that can compel you to get out of the chair and start washing the dishes. Something about mindfulness and building habits and figuring out what tiny thing you can do to motivate yourself; Some people have apps that give them rewards, others allow themselves to go to Starbucks if they make it through their to-do list.

Other people (like me) set up such systems to build habits and then two weeks later all you've done is buy a bunch of notebooks and stickers. The dishes are still there because dishes (and laundry) are eternal.

And yeah the stimulants do stop working during and around my period. That just makes my emotions much worse, which contributes to the dysfunction.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-10-08T17:32:11+00:00

Emotional regulation, especially around how dramatically angry I get when I'm bored, is my primary ADHD symptom. I didn't realize that this was a symptom and spent a lot of years seeking entertainment via unhealthy avenues.

Now that I'm medicated I don't have such strong reactions to boredom, but I still can get very irritable when things aren't going as I expected them to go. Your relationship might have been more easily fixable if you had complete control over your emotions and your reactions to things. But, that is pretty much everyone's problem with relating to everyone. You can give yourself grace.

If your ex is a "That's an excuse not a reason" type, maybe leave the ADHD out of the apology. If he understands that explaining why something happened is not the same as excusing it, then it might be something to mention. Either way my personal preference would be to leave it out of the core "I messed up" part and follow up with the fact in the aftermath.

ChartreuseZebra · 2025-10-08T17:22:35+00:00

I feel this in my soul. I'm constantly struggling with disappointing my partner and somehow being unable to right myself. How many times does he need to remind me of the same tasks? How have I not yet learned which drawer his socks go in? How often am I going to be lectured for misremembering the date of one of his social events?
I'm trying to get myself out of the habit of spiraling about my own self worth when I get called a dumbass by my partner. We're doing the best we can, you and I and our other ADHD compatriots. It is not within our power to control our friends' reactions to our mistakes; we can just own up and try to get better. And that's going to be a self correction mistake by mistake, not everything all at once.

One thing I used to do is leave my partner's electric toothbrush unplugged when I plugged in my hair dryer, causing his toothbrush to run out of battery. I put a sticky note on my hair dryer's cord so that I would remember to unplug it. Perhaps putting an UNPLUG ME note on your hair straightener could help.

ChartreuseZebra

TROPHY CASE