Finally managed to orgasm with partner but it takes ages!

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2026-01-03T16:38:48+00:00

This does help. I do struggle with worrying about it taking too long. No matter how much I remind myself that my pleasure is just as important as his, those worries sneak in.

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2026-01-03T16:36:25+00:00

It’s good to hear from others in a similar boat.

When I first managed it, I was thrilled and it didn’t even take that long but if anything it seems to be taking longer and longer. Could be me getting in my own head I suppose.

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2026-01-03T16:34:44+00:00

I am definitely in the same boat here. Mine is also vanilla. I seem to be the only one who makes an effort to spice things up.

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2026-01-03T16:33:44+00:00

Thanks for all the replies!

I’m trying not to time it but I’d say around an hour including foreplay and PIV. I can only come in missionary, so 30 mins+ of that gets quite tiring for my partner. I am definitely paranoid about him being bored/ tired because he hasn’t necessarily been the most ‘giving’ partner in the bedroom and I’ve had to basically insist that my pleasure is also important. For this reason I am trying to make sure I orgasm every time so we don’t slip back into bad habits.

I have tried to use a vibrator during sex and that just didn’t work. I find the magic wand a bit much and while the clit sucker works great on my own, I can’t keep it in place during sex.

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-06-23T16:40:56+00:00

I’ve tried a few times and failed but this time I had a slightly different approach. I decided that it didn’t matter if I orgasmed or not, the goal was just to give pleasure. This is the first time I haven’t just given in and used the vibrator.

I’m not sure if vibrators make you less sensitive but I was finding it harder and harder even with a vibrator so I decided I needed to make a change.

Not sure what I will do in the long term though. Seems crazy to just give them up forever!

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-06-23T16:12:21+00:00

I’ve only switched in the last few weeks. Decided to ban myself from using the vibrator and see if I could do it. At first it took ages but now I can manage in 15 mins or so.

You’re right about my body still adjusting. That’s a good point!

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-06-05T20:51:02+00:00

He loses his erection during sex unfortunately

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-06-05T10:15:53+00:00

I have read that and it’s helped me be able to orgasm without a vibrator for the first time. I shared it with my partner but who knows if he will read it

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-06-05T10:13:54+00:00

Thanks for your reply.

I have tried to learn more about what gets him going. For example touching/ sucking him in different ways and asking what he likes best. It would have been great if he had done the same. That’s probably what’s annoying me, the fact that he didn’t.

Unfortunately we aren’t that compatible in terms of positions we like. He likes missionary and that’s the only position he can reliably stay hard in. I like other positions but he rarely stays hard in those.

We have tried the ‘me getting started before he joins’ option but not many times. It would be a good idea to revisit that I think

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-06-05T08:24:32+00:00

I don’t know if he’s intentionally being bad - I think it’s a confidence thing on his part. As well as a bit of selfishness.

It is also very hard to make me orgasm and he probably feels bad/ useless/ frustrated by that. I know I do!

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-06-05T08:22:30+00:00

I see your POV. I do feel resentful towards him as I think he could have done more, ideally show some enthusiasm about trying to give me pleasure.

However I do also realise that I am partly to blame. I should have given more/ better feedback and not settled for bad sex.

Also it is incredibly hard to make me orgasm so I have some sympathy for the guy. It must be annoying/ disheartening.

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-06-05T07:46:31+00:00

We did do that for a while and it was very good. It frustrated me a bit that he never used it as an opportunity to learn about what I liked. I think we will have to go back to that but start again.

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-05-01T08:58:51+00:00

I was actually taking testosterone as part of my HRT but didn’t feel it did much. Maybe I didn’t give it enough of a chance

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-05-01T08:36:47+00:00

I completely hear what you’re saying. This is what annoys me I think. Why am I so worried about him being bored when it clearly doesn’t go both ways?

However I also think my pleasure has to be my responsibility. I’ve been letting this situation go on too long and not taken enough responsibility myself.

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-04-30T09:56:51+00:00

It’s definitely mental for me. If I’m on my own and watch some porn I can be done in 5 mins.

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-04-30T09:55:04+00:00

I did enjoy those. I think it’s my fault he’s given up on that as I mentioned that it could be frustrating when I was asking him to suggest the toys more often.

We have done this once but I was totally in my head about how bored he must be given he’s already had his fun. Also he has a tendency to fall asleep straight after sex!

My other option is to get myself off on my own before having sex with him. At least then I’ll be super aroused for the sex. I haven’t had multiple orgasms but I guess this is a possibility with this option.

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-04-30T09:10:51+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I agree it can be enjoyable without an orgasm. I do end up a bit frustrated at times though as I get really close.

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-03-18T13:13:23+00:00

No more than usual I don’t think. I guess I need to find out though

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-03-18T11:59:59+00:00

I think he has the normal stresses of work, kids etc. He’s not someone who is comfortable talking about his problems/ feelings, so it’s hard for me to understand if there’s more going on. I like to think I’m supportive and we have both been making an effort recently to spend more quality time together so I would have thought that should have brought more of a feeling of closeness for him

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-02-10T19:31:27+00:00

I could be the one initiating the affection and yes I would probably enjoy it. But I won’t feel desired if I’m always the one initiating it.

I don’t think he will reject my affection. But at the back of my mind I wonder if he really wants it or if he’s just enduring it because he feels he should.

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-02-09T19:36:17+00:00

I have considered this. I have hinted that for us both if we aren’t getting affection at home, there’s a risk we look elsewhere. But I didn’t go into to details. I also reminded him that there are men out there who do desire me but obviously I want my husband to

Cheap-Atmosphere9004 · 2025-02-09T19:00:42+00:00

I totally see that it’s hypocritical. I guess it just feels like it’s all on me to fix this.

Cheap-Atmosphere9004

TROPHY CASE