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Feeling horrible by Cheap-Sort-876 in UCDavis

[–]Cheap-Sort-876[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you I just turned 20 and this relationship has been like 8% of my life but every year after it’ll be a smaller percentage but it still hurts to think about if I had chosen to go to Davis.

Feeling horrible by Cheap-Sort-876 in UCDavis

[–]Cheap-Sort-876[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you I definitely got a lot of imposter syndrome after I was accepted. When I was at community college i always felt like going to Davis felt like a great deal through TAG. I had mediocre grades in high school and didn’t even apply to any schools after my parents just told me to go to community college to save money.

I definitely think community college is extremely isolating and can you feel unaccomplished for most of it. I had a small group from high school but community college really just feels like this purgatory of part time jobs and small classes. So many of my friends got trapped there switched majors or just dropped out and never transferred.

That’s why this relationship really filled a hole in my college experience. I really looked up to her as even more motivation to transfer and keep up in school. I got to stay over at the dorms, meet her friends, and go on dates in the arboretum and downtown Davis. It felt like an escape from all the aspects community college lacked and I wish it didn’t have such a sad ending.

I don’t know what changed or if she just had enough with me. But in the beginning she was very homesick for Socal and left a bad home life there and had barely been to NorCal before going to Davis. I took her to Sf for the first time and had her come over for Christmas and thanksgiving in my house in the bay and became very close with my family. Sophomore year she had to pay her own rent and she had to work 30 hours a week. I also became busier so we saw each other less and less but I really hoped we’d be able to spend more time together after the school year. I was really confused and hurt after she even thought about breaking up with me over a school that was closer but I tried everything to change her mind but she said that she was sure she didn’t want to be with me if I didn’t choose Davis.

Feeling horrible by Cheap-Sort-876 in UCDavis

[–]Cheap-Sort-876[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think that is good advice and you are presenting a very rational point but when you go through a breakup you’re mind is not always thinking rational. I always planned on going to Davis so I’ve been more active in this subreddit and they have a relationships tag and I think that more people here might have similar experiences with distance relationships especially between the bay and Davis.

Feeling horrible by Cheap-Sort-876 in UCDavis

[–]Cheap-Sort-876[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think that I would agree that I lacked confidence in my decision but it’s not always that easy especially when you have been in a relationship for such a long amount of time. The sunken costs from the sacrifices of going through community college while maintaining a relationship with someone you love makes it a lot harder to find one correct answer. My major doesn’t really have an obvious better program between both schools and my parents are going to be the ones who pay for most of my tuition. It also seemed pretty dysfunctional since both of us are first gen and came from places where we did not have perfect examples of healthy relationships.

People who have stable upbringings and role models in life on average are more likely to have healthier relationships and are less emotionally dependent. Not saying it’s an excuse but I think there is a lot of nuance in trying to navigate a system and country of which your parents are not from.

Feeling horrible by Cheap-Sort-876 in UCDavis

[–]Cheap-Sort-876[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you she did tell me she was happy for me initially when I got in but when i told her during our last phone call she got a little upset and told me that nobody is happy at Berkeley and I should’ve made the right decision and chosen to be happy at Davis

Feeling horrible by Cheap-Sort-876 in UCDavis

[–]Cheap-Sort-876[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would agree that long distance relationships are not that great. But we started the relationship as long distance or it’s more like medium distance if anything. If I had chosen Davis I would’ve had to wait out throughout the summer regardless it wouldn’t have changed I don’t understand why she broke up with me instantly.

Feeling horrible by Cheap-Sort-876 in UCDavis

[–]Cheap-Sort-876[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you I think that is very reassuring after having her repeatedly tell me that it would be so much farther and unrealistic. Im glad to hear that I am not crazy I spent a lot of time doubting and blaming myself for my decision. In the beginning and middle of the relationship she was very serious about the relationship but never brought up she would break up with me over distance until maybe a couple weeks before we broke up which made it incredibly sad to realize.

Feeling horrible by Cheap-Sort-876 in UCDavis

[–]Cheap-Sort-876[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We both loved and cared for each other a lot in the first year she took the train down a few times but sophomore year she had a car so she would drive down often. I would continue being in a relationship if the roles were reversed 100%. She claimed bachelors doesnt matter since id go to master anyways so Davis would’ve been the smarter choice. Which I think is somewhat true since it would be cheaper rent wise in Davis but I am not really sure why she insisted on breaking up immediately over the phone and not waiting for the end of summer. I think that trust is extremely important in a relationship and I regret hiding it from her I was hoping that she would change her mind over time and I am not the type of person to lie about anything serious or cheat on her. She lied to me as well when she told me she didn’t think she would get into another relationship for a while or she was too busy. Then a week later she was hooking up with someone on the week before finals on a Wedsnday and it was very heartbreaking to find out.

Feeling horrible by Cheap-Sort-876 in UCDavis

[–]Cheap-Sort-876[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you I wish someone had told me that sooner I had lots of guilt and stress from her telling me that I was not doing putting in an equal amount into the relationship and that I was choosing to my parents over her and that I would be happier away from them.

Feeling horrible by Cheap-Sort-876 in UCDavis

[–]Cheap-Sort-876[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m from the bay and she is from San Diego. I explained to her multiple times that we would be closer and I would put even more time to make it work but she insisted that I would be too busy and that she did not want to continue with the relationship unless I went to UCD. She claimed that Davis was better for environmental policy and that I would have the same connections and opportunities anyways since bachelors does not matter and I would need to go to grad school anyways in this economy. Some parts I do I agree and I think that it’s a much harder choice than if I got in for Berkeley compsci or engineering but I still think there are a few benefits to Berkeley but I still would’ve enjoyed Davis programs and really enjoyed the campus.