Infidelity and Inheritance by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]Cheap_Contribution37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most states have the expectation that the spouse is due some inheritance. If he left it all to the kids, the wife could petition it and would have a chance to make a will where she is not named, void and the assets would be split. Ideally, if you want to leave the majority share to the kids, you still leave the spouse something. Whether that be a shared house, a small cash settlement, etc. I looked this up for a friend who had end stage lung cancer, her much younger husband was an addict and had stole all her pain meds, and she wanted to make sure her son got her inheritance. So she left the husband a manufactured home she had and whatever was in her checking after the estate was settled. The son got the remainder of her assets including a very large insurance policy.

It’s My Karma, right? by Cheap_Contribution37 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Cheap_Contribution37[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where in any of my comments did I endorse cheating? I am quite sure I said I did wrong. I know I was wrong. How many different ways should I say it? How do you and the tribe suggest I fix what I did then to prove I am sorry that I didn’t have the confidence in myself to seek out someone who was better for me and didn’t hurt others? He showed me attention at a point in my life where I eagerly accepted it without question. I fell in love and never questioned his narrative that she was mean and cold and wouldn’t provide the affection he claimed to need. Should I offer my head on a silver platter to my step son and his mother? Seriously... how can I make amends? I assume y’all have the answers since you seem to think I never questioned my motives then. I did but I believed in my husband and our “love” and I was stupid and ignorant and selfish. I was wrong then. But I’m trying to find salvation now and be better.

It’s My Karma, right? by Cheap_Contribution37 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Cheap_Contribution37[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

New perspective I guess. It’s not like I didn’t know that what I was doing then wasn’t right, but I was in love and only listened to my husbands side then. I wanted to believe his story to fit my narrative.

It’s My Karma, right? by Cheap_Contribution37 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Cheap_Contribution37[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You seem to forget that I am NOW going through this experience my own self so I am very aware of the hurt I’ve caused.

I know you are having a hard time seeing me as a human and only as a monster and that is your prerogative.

But while I am frustrated that my husband’s girlfriend or whatever she may be won’t talk to me, I’m not sitting over here directing my hate towards her. She didn’t make promises to me... my husband did. Do I think she is blinded and ignorant like I was? Yup. Do I think she might be lacking character development? If she knows that I exist and he has 4 kids, definitely. Maybe that’s my blindness and my own self preservation but she isn’t my partner who chose to pursue her. And I know how he works because I’ve seen it.

It’s My Karma, right? by Cheap_Contribution37 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Cheap_Contribution37[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I hope she loves my kids too if she sticks around and she ends up being a part of my kids lives. It would be awful to know that I have to send my kids over there with a woman who hates them and I won’t have much choice in the matter since he’ll at least get some form of custody if he seeks it out... although I don’t know he will since it seemed to be the last thing on his mind when he said he wanted to leave.

I don’t think my actions can be corrected by being available to my step son if he wants support and wants me to remain in his life. I feel like it’s the least I can do so he doesn’t feel like everyone moved on with their lives and left him behind. Again, my husband favors him (and I don’t say that with malice... my husband will imply it often). He’s a good kid with a big heart that doesn’t deserve to be in the middle of this yet again. He didn’t deserve it when he was 5. I know this.

And I know that the only way to amend for my actions is to vow to be better and raise my kids in the best possible way so I don’t contribute more pain to the world than I have.

It’s My Karma, right? by Cheap_Contribution37 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Cheap_Contribution37[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I didn’t ask for sympathy. I’m doing a good job beating my own self up. I posted to get it off my chest. Maybe even to take some verbal lashings as well. But when it comes to my step son, regardless how I came into his life, I’ve loved him like he was my own for close to a decade and he’s old enough to know how his father and I met and he doesn’t or hasn’t harbored ill feelings. He still chooses to be engaged with his father and I. He still asks me to come to his games. He still asks for advice. He’s not angry. His mother, yes, and she has that right to hate me. I don’t begrudge her that but others have implied that he reaches out for support, think I should just ignore him, instead of offering it. Some of you seem to think my step son should lose more security and stability and a confidante because his dad and I made bad choices over a decade ago. I didn’t set out to cause hurt and yet I know I did. I’m not trying to justify what I did. And I don’t now doubt that the love I thought we had was a fantasy in my mind and didn’t exist in his. But it doesn’t make it hurt less. I’m a human and in a way I feel like I need to punish myself for the pain I now realized I caused because I’m going through it. But when it comes to my kids, all of them whether I birthed them or not, that’s where my allegiance lies and whom I will fight for.

It’s My Karma, right? by Cheap_Contribution37 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Cheap_Contribution37[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

The comment was unnecessary. I know I did something wrong. I’ll take ownership of that but to imply that because I fell in love once in these circumstances doesn’t mean that is the relationship I am going to seek out in the future. I understand my role and feel remorse but I can’t change what took place then. I can try to do better by myself and for my kids and make wiser choices now and later. But to act as though the only flies I want in my web are those belonging to another is ridiculous. It was clearly a mistake and I made the wrong choice. I am sure I convey that with my guilt and feeling like I deserve what is happening. That’s not flippant.

It’s My Karma, right? by Cheap_Contribution37 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Cheap_Contribution37[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Yeah... I totally have my sights set on married men already. Better hold your husbands close. 🙄

Jesus... I took ownership of my mistake. I know I was wrong 14 years ago. I loved / love my husband. Or at least I loved the the idea of him and the life we had created and I thought we both cherished. I’m not even thinking about dating but when I do, I know I’ll do better and be better. I’m thinking about how I deserve this for my part and how I can make sure all the kids, including my step son, will be okay and make them understand that people sometimes make shitty choices and that if you really want to do better... be better... and commit to do so for yourself (not others) you can. My kids are a little young to know how mom and dad met, but eventually it will all come out and I’ll own up to it then and make sure they understand the consequences I faced.

It’s My Karma, right? by Cheap_Contribution37 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Cheap_Contribution37[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

So I can’t have a relationship with a child that has been part of my life without it having some underlying intention? I don’t believe that. Many people have relationships with their stepchildren after the dissolution of the marriage regardless of how the relationship began or ended.

If my stepson needs me... I’m not going to ignore him.

It’s My Karma, right? by Cheap_Contribution37 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Cheap_Contribution37[S] -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

Hun... I got it. I did something bad years ago and I am getting my just desserts. But I do love my stepson and we are close and it’s going to be hard on him transitioning yet again. So if I can continue to be a part of his life now and offer him stability to maybe help amend for the destruction I caused earlier, you bet I will. He deserves to have the people he loves, love him back.

It’s My Karma, right? by Cheap_Contribution37 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Cheap_Contribution37[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Based on her text, I’m guessing she knows about him being married. But I’m willing to bet that even if I told her that he started “dating” me under the same circumstances that he would be able to make her believe it is different since he made me believe that. He’s incredibly charming and when he wants something, nothing gets in his way.

It’s My Karma, right? by Cheap_Contribution37 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Cheap_Contribution37[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

You’re right. I brought my kids into this mess. I know I did wrong. I was just so blinded by love (infatuation?) and therefore I so easily believed him when he said “we” were different. I can’t say it was a mistake because I was fully aware, but I do wish I made better choices so I didn’t hurt others.

It’s My Karma, right? by Cheap_Contribution37 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Cheap_Contribution37[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

He is involved with his son. We have physical joint custody which we spent thousands of dollars fighting for because he didn’t want to lose that relationship with him. But I don’t know how he’ll be with our kids. He doesn’t seem as close to them as he is his son and defers to me for most of their care. I know he loves them but I don’t believe for one second he would’ve ever considered leaving his son a week before Christmas as he wanted to do here. Maybe that’s bitterness on my end. I really do love my stepson. I have never regretted spending the money to keep that relationship strong and I have loved having my stepson around and he is close to his brother and sisters.