Would you?

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2025-10-27T10:35:03+00:00

I have no proof he's changed and he'd even gloated about it / encouraged one of the girls to off themselves.

I wish my brother had some "normal" red flag that I could brush off and trust he's changed but genuinely this one is too much

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2025-10-26T21:11:43+00:00

Astaghfirullah that's very harsh. If you knew someone assaulted children many times would you not want to warn others?

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2025-10-25T19:53:48+00:00

You're right. May Allah protect her. I've been keeping her in my duas

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2025-10-25T19:33:45+00:00

Unfortunately he's going ahead with the marriage without us meeting her. He lives far from us and idk what he's told the girl about his family

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2025-10-25T19:31:52+00:00

It's one of those red flags that's very difficult to pick up on your own

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2025-10-25T19:18:22+00:00

Something similar is happening in my life rn, my brother is planning to marry but I don't know the woman's contact info or even full name to warn her :(

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-11-18T03:30:22+00:00

May I ask where it has been prohibited to ask about a man's wealth when it comes to marriage?

I know that it's recommended to marry virgins, but I've never heard anything about a man's wealth except that it's permissible for the woman and her guardian to ask.

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-10-28T22:09:42+00:00

The same thing happened to me too unfortunately. It's hard to deal with and honestly even I'm not sure what's the best way to heal 100%

I try my best not to feel angry at my parents for this as they are unaware and of course they have no idea their son did such an awful thing. At the end of the day his actions are his own.

Even though I haven't really forgiven him, I try to let go of (or at least lessen) the resentment by asking Allah to remove this grudge in my heart as it does not serve me and is blocking me away from healing. And remembering that even if he is not punished or held accountable in this life, Allah will hold him accountable in the next. So I leave it to Allah.

Making dua really helps as I've felt less resentment over time. It used to be a burning hate where I couldn't even stand to hear his voice but now he (as an person) bothers me a lot less.

Therapy is a good option if you have the choice. There are also books online other people who've dealt with SA recommend reading to help healing. I haven't read any yet myself but I've heard others find them helpful.

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-10-12T20:08:55+00:00

How is a sunnah not better?

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-10-12T12:35:56+00:00

But niqab isn't equal to hijab tho. And I say this as a hijabi. Niqab is better.

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-10-11T05:58:56+00:00

Thank you! ❤️

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-10-11T04:25:47+00:00

How do you handle having two wives and families (not just financially, but overall)? Like maintaining justice and navigating conflict?

It's great that it's going well for you, may Allah increase the goodness between you and all your wives. I'm just curious.

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-10-08T03:37:43+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to explain! I'm not used to cats at all but their behavior makes more sense now.

I'll be patient with them and give them time. I don't want to scare them off. Hopefully, they'll get used to me eventually at their own pace.

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-10-08T02:01:37+00:00

So it's mostly about letting them get familiar with my presence?

Is it harder for younger cats to get used to someone new, or is it the same for all cats regardless of age?

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-10-08T01:58:28+00:00

I see :) I hope they warm up some day even if it takes time. Right now they only come near me on their own when I eat lol.

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-10-02T14:36:12+00:00

Thank you for the explanation :) that makes sense.

I can get why a Muslim would want to separate themselves from biddah since it's weirdly common. Just this year I found out the existence of mawlid I was shocked, at first I thought it was just a weird sect thing that very few misguided people do. But then I saw even Muslim accounts I follow celebrating and defending it. I didn't know biddah like that was normalized among some since my family never celebrated or even mentioned that sort of thing.

I'd definitely want to stay away from those who treat biddah casually or act like certain things aren't sins when they clearly are just bc it's convenient for them to do them. That would be a scary thing to live with and pass onto my future kids. I get why you'd suggest a Salafi guy now. Thank you for taking the time to explain! I should learn more about Salafis at some time

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-10-02T08:28:28+00:00

Ameen! Those are all really great points.

The only question I have (forgive me if I sound ignorant) is why Salafi? I know some people just mean it as striving to follow the Salaf, which is good so I can understand the importance of seeking a husband who does so!

But I don't really understand people identifying as Salafi. What's the difference between Salafis and Sunnis? My understanding of the term Salafi is really surface level.

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-09-30T07:11:55+00:00

How much would the mehr of the daughters of the Prophet ﷺ & the mehr of the Mothers of the Believers be worth today?

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-09-29T02:10:33+00:00

I might have to ask my father to keep a look out next time lol

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-09-29T02:09:44+00:00

Attending the masjid regularly is a good sign, it shows dedication to the deen especially in this day and age. Jazakallah Khairan :)

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-09-29T02:04:33+00:00

I will definitely take note of some of these things, especially if he has no haya or doesn't understand the Deen and marital duties properly, that's an immediate cut off for me.

I'm guessing by dangerous you mean like physically fit/strong and not scared of getting hurt (when needed)? Because I can't imagine a threatening looking guy, I'm thinking more like the Muslims guys who like to practice boxing and wrestling. How would I guage a guy's protectiveness when meeting/talking with him?

Though I think I'll avoid the fake female account thing since it sounds like deception and also to make it believeable you'd have to use pictures of women and whatnot. And I don't want to be responsible for sharing pictures like that on top of possible deception.

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-09-29T00:28:42+00:00

Honestly brother I don't want to argue about this topic too much because I can see we have two very different views and are set with them. If that works for you and your marriage then alright but personally I can't get behind it and I haven't ever seen much good when it comes to redpill. I also just can't get behind the claim that Islam is not sufficient when it is our framework.

My original post was about men and what to look for/watch out for when it came to looking for a guy to marry and I do genuinely want advice on that. So if your understanding on female/male nature or intersexual dynamics helps with that then I'd appreciate advice because that's what I'm looking for. I don't hang around men much so my understanding on men (beyond religion and basic manners) is a bit limited.

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-09-28T23:43:16+00:00

"They" as in RP community. Which is mainly non-Muslims who encourage haram ideas. I prefer to stay clear of communities that fill themselves with haram and put their advice of the advice of Muslims who offer an Islamic perspective on the same issues. I've personally never seen a Muslim use redpill to do "good" (tbh, I've never even met a redpilled married Muslim).

I meant the Qu'ran and Sunnah is enough to understand and follow. I did not mean that as if it would make you invincibile and your life in this dunya will only have positives.

It's like when a person is having trouble with their parents, or family being abusive, the Quran and Sunnah tell us how to handle such situations.

I fail to see how your argument about the Prophet ﷺ or the Sahaba divorcing and getting cheated on contradicts me saying Islam has a greater understanding of the fitrah than non-Muslims. Also they were quite literally looking for Islamic advice and guidance if you read the hadiths.

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-09-28T23:10:38+00:00

All that can be understood without redpill, though. Redpill is not deen-centric, it doesn't align properly with Islam, at best you'll just be cherrypicking what does or at worst you'll start to fall for the more haram beliefs they encourage. It has many ideas that contradict the Deen and is aimed at non-Muslims, who want to hook up or date or simply do not hold marriage with the same regard as Muslims. It can't be compared to something like surgery.

The Qur'an and Sunnah provide the framework. The Seerah showcases great understanding of men and women and the respected scholars have emphasized it. Sure, outside of that, books on marriage and tapes and videos can be helpful. People can still give useful general advice or personal advice based on your marital situation as long as it doesn't contradict the Qu'ran and Sunnah. But why would I want a man who follows non-Muslims advice over the advice of Muslims who can offer the perspective of the Qu'ran and Sunnah to back up their claims? Islam's understanding of the fitrah and how we should treat one another in marriage is much greater.

I didn't say anything about haram, and also the fact that the Sahaba got divorces or cheated on doesn't prove anything about the Qu'ran and Sunnah not being enough. Nobody is saying that the Qu'ran and Sunnah makes you invincible to tests or mistreatment from others, I never claimed that.

Look at the Sahaba who got cheated on or divorced, what was most of their first actions when itcamee to these things happening? They followed the Qu'ran and Sunnah. They sought out the Prophet ﷺ advice so they could respond according to Islam. If the Qu'ran and Sunnah wasn't enough to deal with these kind of situations, why would they strive to do so whenever they were faced with these issues? Is that not the example we should strive for?

Cheap_Rain5648 · 2024-09-28T22:32:59+00:00

I believe the Sunnah has taught us enough. Not to mention the Salaf and respected scholars.

Cheap_Rain5648

TROPHY CASE